Spending my life savings on a total dump

[Amycakes]

I'm 38 and have been saving for a house deposit for 16 years, since I left uni. I've sacrificed holidays, parties, weddings, hobbies, other opportunities and even friends to prioritise saving for somewhere to live. Me and my partner need to move out of our rented flat soon and we've started looking at finally buying.

We've viewed 10 places now and they've all been really horrible. I'm completely disheartened. The houses within our budget are in worse condition than any dive I've ever rented. We do not have, and will never have, thousands for getting rid of damp or asbestos, or doing the major renovations these properties need. Properties in our budget are also in quite rough areas, miles from anywhere, no services, no public transport. A lot of them have been on the market for ages, they can't sell. I love cycling, and bike everywhere, but I'd have to give that up entirely. We're looking in undesirable commuter belt areas that are 'cheap' but we would be miles away from friends and family. Also far away from train stations so my commute will be about 3 hours round trip (2-3 days a week). But I don't think I can face being so isolated and car dependent? We were hoping to have a child but I can't see us comfortably raising a baby in any of the houses or places within budget.

The whole thing is just so depressing. Is this normal for FTBs? I wonder if it's even worth buying at all and if we should just blow our deposit money on travelling or something, stay renting a flat, and forget having a family.

I'd rather not to be honest! But DP really wants to stay in the area for family and social ties. He was born and raised in South London. He's just one of those people who can't cut themselves loose from the city. Personally I'd relocate to my company's Manchester office, and would live in Yorkshire. Although my parents retired to Brighton area and DPs parents are in Surrey and they're all getting old, so maybe it's for the best for now.

I'm not looking to live in London @BMW6. Looking in outer commuter belt.

Surely the point is to be able to downsize and enjoy your home mortgage free? We paid ouR mortgage off at 48…. Downsized at age 50…..giving us 70k after costs and renovations….im 59 now….so no mortgage…money inThe bank and hopefully a good few years til care home …..saying that I wouldn’t encourage my AC to buy big….my DS32 has a 2 bed ( he’s single) and my DD age 30 has a 3 bed semi ( she has 2 DD ) …. They both prefer to enjoy holidays and days out than upsize….you can’t have it all these days

Outer commuter belt takes you to Brighton though. There's hundreds of available houses between Zone 1 and Brighton for well under your budget. Are your restricting yourself to Zone 6 or something?

We saved for years and have just bought a dump and although we're slowly getting there it has tested our marriage to the limits and I'm still terrified the ceiling is going to fall in on us. Hard times.

You could find something nice within that budget in commuter belt. For sure. I think you must be dreaming of a country pile.

@peppermintcloud Yes of course, my concern is the instability. I've had landlords make huge rent increases, and also decide to sell up several times over the years. For some reason I personally find moving intensely stressful and it's given me severe anxiety attacks in the past. It's so hard to find anything suitable and affordable to rent for just 2 of us, let alone with a child.

I’m not far from Ashford in Kent, who unlike the poor people promised HS2 who never got it, we got HS1 which is amazing, 37 mins from Ashford to St Pancras. Another 10-15 mins gets you to Folkestone, which has recently been voted one of the best towns to live in. You can get plenty for £450k. The Ashford line also gets you to Canterbury which is gorgeous too.

I don’t know much about Edenbridge but don’t really like the traditional commutersville of North Kent. You pay a lot but not much there. Now HS1 is here there are far better places.

i think your expectations are too high. The only people i know who went into a house straight as ftb were in very cheap areas of the country or they had inherited, even back in the day it was difficult. I know you say you won’t consider flats but this is what we did. 2 of them (increasing from 1 bed to 2 bed from 1 to 2 kids). I think you are always going to have a doer-upper if you want to go straight to a house (either that or you have come into money). I would avoid a commute that was 2-3 hours and compromise on house size. That commute sounds like a really bad idea and something you would regret.

This happened to my maternal grandmother. Worked hard all her life, ran two businesses. All went to pay for care homes once my granddad passed away and she was too unwell to be on her own. Makes you think.

An example in Folkestone
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/148116842

@titchy We're not looking inside any TFL zones. We're now extending our search down to Horsham, Burgess Heath, East Grinstead and surrounds.

Epsom, Redhill, Woking, Guildford and surrounding areas also worth a look.

Thank you @bozzabollix I'll scope out Ashford. We've looked at a few areas in the Edenbridge sort of region and no, it's not setting my world alight!

Have you looked at Bracknell or Wokingham? Or Ascot? All on the waterloo line and lots of houses for that budget.

You might be able to find a flat which has a share of the freehold. You would have more control.

I'm doing that awful thing of not having read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating anything

I know people who've been caught up in problems with leasehold flats but it tends to be new builds. Nt all new builds have problems though and I think there's been changes in the past couple of years so new builds built since then have more protection for leaseholders? If you look at older flats, you might find something decent. Someone I know bought the freehold with his neighbours a few years ago so that's an option especially if you look at small blocks of flats or house conversions.

With this
The point was that they got to live in their own home, make it’s as they wanted, enjoy the rising house prices and provide stability for their children.
They could've lived in their own home, make it how they wanted to a large extent, and provided stability for their children in council housing.

And then use that house to fund care so their children didn’t have to. Council care homes are even bleaker than private ones.
The poster who raised the issue said her parents were in the same care home as council funded residents. I understand sometimes someone wishing their inheritance wasn't lost on care homes might be 'greedy and grasping' but unless more social housing is built (that's what I think is the best solution) many people will be like OP and the other poster. Unable to afford their own home, or if they've managed that they can't afford to upsize from somewhere only suitable for the childless to a family home, so feel unable to have children because private renting is so insecure.

How about something like this:
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/137907305
Needs a cosmetic face lift, but good potential..

(edited to add Walton station has a fast train into Waterloo.)

Look in Essex 40 min commute to London not far from the m25 to visit parents seen some lovely houses in your price range gardens parks and decent schools.

You are doing the right thing buying. Go for a smaller place in a nicer area. It will always sell, increase in value more, and you can always move later

We live near Staines. Plenty of decent three bed houses around £450k. Fast (36 minutes at best) trains to Waterloo.
Proper high street with a market twice a week and on the river.

Council has to do the cheapest possible, which means there's a long period of needing care, but not 24 hour, which means being housebound, perhaps confined to a single room with a commode. and 4 15-30 minute visits a days from carers. Having your own funds means you can go into a care home when you want, rather than when the council deems you bad enough, or you can afford gardener, cleaner, someone to do your shopping, taxis to appointments, someone to come and wash your hair and cut your toenails, and all the other things that get difficult as you get old and stiff.

I don't know why you think leasehold in general is problematic. I'm a lawyer. My now husband is a lawyer. Both our first properties were leasehold flats. A flat, which is inevitably leasehold, is how most people got on the ladder when I was a ftb (and I'm only ten years older than you).

There are plenty of 2 bed houses in south east London eg Plumstead, Sicup, Orpington, within your budget.

@Amycakes if you can, go for a house which hasn’t been decorated AT ALL in 40 years. People really really focus on decor when yes it’s a pain in the butt to sort, but things like septic/sewers, heating system, roof work, wall integrity etc etc are much more of an issue. Even buggered windows can be sorted pretty easily and you can pay for those on credit with the big manufacturers.