Who is wrong here?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Person A. Random bad bout of motion sickness, not happened in this grown adult since childhood. Clearly very ill. Difficult journey so sickness ends up a full blown panic attack with intermittent heaving but contained with plastic bags and wet wipes, and Person A doesnt want to keep stoppinng to be sick every 5 to ten minutes. But speed is increasing the panic and keeps insisting that Person B slows down.

Person B is being very patient. Offers to stop, stops to try and buy remedies, opens windows etc. Does everything they can. They are driving will below the legal limit, so say 40 in a 60. This is slower than they would normally drive and they are making an effort to do slower braking and accelerating than they would normally do, but Person A is still asking them to slow down.

Person A says Person B should have slowed down further as it was a quiet road and maybe pulled in to let traffic pass if there was a queue.

Person B says that they were not driving fast and dont agree that they should have slowed down more on single lane roads.

The reason it was a difficult drive was that person A has a fear of heights and there was an unexpected (to A) climb up a very steep mountain road with high drops. Person B has driven this route many times, enjoys the drive and didnt think to mention the drops as didnt know that Person A was scared of heights.

Person A sounds like a massive drama queen who needs to get over themselves and in future take travel sickness tablets before they go on a long or high up journey. Person B is extremely patient, if you were sick in my car even once you'd be out and in another mode of transport unless you're a child under the age of 10.

Person A was ill. What else could they do?

Person A was ill and motion sick

Person B was driving as well as he/she could

Person B needed to get Person A to their destination ASAP, slowing down to the point they could become a nuisance to other road users was not an option

Person A was being unreasonable by staying in the car and.whining

They could have got out and walked

A hadnt had motion sickness in years and years and came out of the blue for both A and B who both were shocked when it happened. A has agreed to take tablets for journeys in future if they are not driving. B doesnt think A was a drama queen and isnt nasty enough to kick someone out of their car 300 miles from home.

Also A didnt know about the mountain road as B hadnt thought to tell them.

A wanted to slow down and B said that 40/45 was slow enough. A disagreed as it made them iller.

I am on the fence but erring towards A if B could have pulled over to let traffic pass which B confirmed they could.

B was already driving considerably slower than the speed limit/conditions mandated. Exaggerating this more could have been dangerous as it might well have encouraged unsafe overtaking to get past the rolling road block.

How long have these two known each other of Person B didn't know Person A was scared of heights?

Person A would drive me bonkers.

I feel for A. And there isn't really a wrong or right answer as such - it's a judgement call and different people would judge it differently.

But ultimately B is the driver and its up to B to decide the speed they think it is safest/best for them to drive at. If A isn't comfortable with B making that call then A needs to either drive themselves or find a different travel option.

I'm sure B wasn't doing anything to deliberately make someone sick in their car!

Ah, OK, it was a single lane road up a mountain with a sheer drop. I’d have been having the screaming ab dabs too. 40-45 mph? Dear fucking Christ. 20mph maybe, at a pinch, slower round any blind bends.

To make it clear again.........A has not suffered motion sickness since childhood so this was totally out of the blue and could not have been predicted.

B has never suffered motion sickness.

The fear of heights has come up before but B "didnt realise it was that bad". A has said that they could have coped with the heights without the sickness or vice versa.

Yes that is very accurate. I am neither A nor B and frankly it gave me funny fanny just thinking about it.

Apparently (confirmed by B) "Some" of it has barriers but quite a lot doesnt despite having a drop that would end in an air ambulance job at best.

Was it the Snake Pass? I'm not scared of heights but go through there at 30mph with my heart in my mouth. People who drive it regularly do it at 50mph (or more) with no issues. And those bends make lots of people sick.

A sounds a bit of a nightmare. I sympathise with motion sickness but not being able to cope with as mountain climb is ridiculous

Was it Kirkstone pass? I get a wobbly tummy on that road as a passenger and would certainly never be brave enough to drive on it.

The driver was already doing 2/3 of the speed limit. Driving too slowly is dangerous. I probably would have stopped in the hopes that the sick person would take the time to calm down, motion sickness hasn't killed anyone having a panic attack over it is quite childish and having a go at the driver isn't cool. Being ill isn't nice but taking it out on the driver isn't nice either.

Wow. What a harsh, unsympathetic, not to mention, immature pov. Motion sickness isn’t something you can help. It’s a vestibular mismatch between the eyes and brain, not a moral failing! And you don’t always know that it is going to affect you either.

It’s absolutely horrible when it happens or when it takes you by surprise. I was on a plane years ago when a seasoned traveller, a 50+ business man, was ill unexpectedly. He kept apologising but everyone rushed around and helped him like decent people, they didn’t judge or berate him.

It happened to an older teen I know on a coach attending a sports fixture recently; do you think the driver should have thrown them off the coach and left them alone in the middle of the Yorkshire Moors? Would you have liked that if it were your teen that was suffering?

To answer the op, there is no answer to “who is wrong?” - I don’t understand why it’s necessary to blame anyone or choose between them - A & B were both doing their best in a difficult situation.

As to the passenger being a drama queen, of course any speed seems ridiculously fast when you are being wretchedly ill!
You just want the movement to stop!

And some people’s driving style can induce nausea. Not saying that this is the case in this situation but our office uses a pool of cab drivers and we all try and avoid one guy who drives right in to every corner and is incredibly heavy on the breaks. After 40 minutes of this (the distance between our office and a longstanding client) everyone is turning green.

Sounds like a horrible situation all around. I suffer with severe motion sickness, I can't really be a passenger at all these days in any moving vehicle (I once got motion sick on a swing) so I really, really sympathise with A. 40-45 can feel like you're in the car with Michael Schumacher when you're suffering with motion sickness. Tbh walking feels like being on a waltzer so I doubt B would've been able to go slow enough to make it not feel awful for A.

However I don't think B was necessarily wrong to keep going at the speed they were comfortable with and try and get to the destination asap. Being the driver of a vehicle with someone in the back hurking into a bag and having a panic attack also can't have been a fun and pleasant experience. I also don't think B was wrong re: the fear of heights thing - that is an unusually severe fear.

I don't think ruminating on who was more wrong is a helpful exercise. A and B went through something gross and crap together, are presumably friends and can just agree "well that was shit" and move on?

Lots of people are afraid of heights.

Person B should learn to 'think to mention' to his passengers that a route is going to include sheer, barrier-less drops from considerable heights!

I would have been terrified and would have found that speed far too fast.

Would it have been possible to have stopped for long enough to give A a chance to calm down, and then let A drive the rest of the way, or don't they drive? I suffer badly from motion sickness, and would have swapped in a heart beat in that situation, especially if A was on the edge of the road, and looking over.

They are driving will below the legal limit, so say 40 in a 60.

This can be very dangerous and B should have told A to STFU so they could drive safely without being distracted. Person A can stay home from now on.

Why is B responsible for a blow by blow description of the journey?!
Unless B took an unexpected “scenic route” then presumably it wasn’t a magical mystery tour and A knew where they were going. I’ve given a lot of lifts in 35 years driving, and never described the route in advance! They would surely have know they were going to a high area, even if not knowing the roads?

Once the motion sickness hit, A was going to feel awful whatever happened but they still had to get where they were going. So A should just grab the sick bag and get through it. Nothing else to be done. A shouldn’t be complaining now.

It was a case of "will that route be ok?" "Yes its a great drive!" and as both enjoy driving, not a problem. Except that the heights werent mentioned. A has said that if they were driving it woul dhave been fine, not least because it wouldnt have been them looking down into an abyss but ahead on to a road.

And A can technically drive B's car but only on A's third party thing on their own insurance and neither are happy with that. Having seen A shortly afterwards, frankly I wouldnt have put them in a bumper car.

Also, I say AGAIN......A has not suffered motion sickness for years and couple that WITH the height thing, it was too much. One or the other could have been borne but both together was just a step too far.

ETA that A had never ever been to this area before so wouldnt have a clue about routes/roads etc.

A has said that if they were driving it woul dhave been fine, not least because it wouldnt have been them looking down into an abyss but ahead on to a road.

Well, A could have just closed their eyes 🤷🏻‍♀️
A sounds like a drama queen now, if “abyss” is coming from them not you.

So, was it a magical mystery tour? Surely A had some idea where they were driving? I’m not familiar with the roads around Fort William for example, but I’d take a guess that there’s bends and heights in the surrounds.

Given that A themselves said that the height wouldn’t have been an issue without the unexpected motion sickness, I fail to see any way in which B should have mentioned it.

A should have got quietly on with occasional heaving and not made such a big deal of it.

You added an edit that A hadn’t been to the area after I asked surely they knew where they were going.

But still… like I said. I’ve not been to Fort William, but I know to expect more mountains around there than Lincolnshire!

There’s no way B should have guessed it would be a problem for A if A wouldn’t have guessed it and/or isn’t bothered enough to do their own research on the route. Google maps makes that beyond easy.

It’s done, A needs to drop it.

Why are you involved?

Tell me you have never had motion sickness without telling me you have neve rhad motion sickness!

I still get it to this day unless I am driving, so I get it. Its like women who have HG being told to nibble ginger biscuits when what they need is a drip. The Abyss description was mine. I have been in that area so I do understand that you can go over a hill on a 50 limit and see....nothing. Its a bit of a moment to say the least if you dont drive that road regularly. There is a road near me like that and its accepted that you will be stuck behind freaked out tourists.