Who is wrong here?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Person A. Random bad bout of motion sickness, not happened in this grown adult since childhood. Clearly very ill. Difficult journey so sickness ends up a full blown panic attack with intermittent heaving but contained with plastic bags and wet wipes, and Person A doesnt want to keep stoppinng to be sick every 5 to ten minutes. But speed is increasing the panic and keeps insisting that Person B slows down.

Person B is being very patient. Offers to stop, stops to try and buy remedies, opens windows etc. Does everything they can. They are driving will below the legal limit, so say 40 in a 60. This is slower than they would normally drive and they are making an effort to do slower braking and accelerating than they would normally do, but Person A is still asking them to slow down.

Person A says Person B should have slowed down further as it was a quiet road and maybe pulled in to let traffic pass if there was a queue.

Person B says that they were not driving fast and dont agree that they should have slowed down more on single lane roads.

The reason it was a difficult drive was that person A has a fear of heights and there was an unexpected (to A) climb up a very steep mountain road with high drops. Person B has driven this route many times, enjoys the drive and didnt think to mention the drops as didnt know that Person A was scared of heights.

A was in the wrong, driving too slowly is as dangerous as driving too fast and the driver was already taking at risk at 40 in a sixty. I understand a was unwell and having a panic attack, and I’m assuming they can’t drive or they forgot themselves and their own feelings over took any concern for road safety

@RelationshipOrNot
A difficult situation for both. I don't understand why people are saying A is annoying for having a fear of heights or (totally unexpected) motion sickness. He isn't choosing to have those things. Could someone who thinks that explain why?

A isn’t unreasonable for getting sick or being afraid of heights.

1. A is unreasonable for not just quietly getting on with that.
2. A is unreasonable for asking B to slow down even more than 40/60 when that could be dangerous to other drivers and is likely to be entirely unnecessary- lengthening the journey without reducing sickness.
3. A is unreasonable for staring at B’s speedometer the whole way. Pointed and off putting, much?
4. A is unreasonable for ever reaching the position that whatever they said - or caused B to say - to the OP led to OP posting here. See point 1!

I’m still intrigued as to where they stopped off travel sickness medicine - these high mountain roads aren’t known for many petrol stations en route, let alone a Tesco!

A is an idiot for staring at the speedo. Looking at the horizon helps with motion sickness. Looking at something in the car is about the worst thing you can do.

I think it comes down to this… OP wasn’t even there yet declared “I am neither A nor B and frankly it gave me funny fanny just thinking about it”. Which sounds like OP is just as given to making a meal of things as A, hence “siding” with them. OP also said that I clearly hadn’t suffered travel sickness - but I have. Again - it’s 2 different types of people, those like A and OP who make a big deal of it and those like me and the majority of respondents here who just shut up, puke up, and get through it without drama.

First type think B is mean, second type think A sounds like a pita!! 😝

Person A needs to learn that other people are not responsible for their panic/phobias/sickness. They need to learn to manage this themselves instead of blaming it on someone else’s driving. B is right that prolonging the drive by slowing down to a crawl isn’t going to help and A needs to stop making such a massive fuss about something that can’t be helped.

Why does anyone have to be at fault a situation occurred and every dealt with it as best they could given their own perspective.

Nasty.

Can't believe you'd chuck a friend/family member/colleague whatever on the side of the road for being ill.

Getting travel sick isn't a choice.

And in fact it is often brought on by poor driving when there is too much speeding up/slowing down/sharp braking. Better standards of driving reduce the likelihood of its onset.

I completely agree. Person A sounds like a nightmare passenger regardless of them being sick.

Why are both parties insistent on proving the other was wrong and seeking validation from 3rd parties / strangers on the internet? It won’t change the scenario as they can’t go back in time and remedy it.

Sounds like A is demanding B accepts it’s their fault.

Both sound like petty arseholes who don’t like each other.

Ah so now you're saying B purposely took the higher,.winding Road?
How's A planning to do the return journey to avoid all the drama again?

Edited To add just saw they are back, and they were happy enough with dreadful A chauffeuring them home!

Which one is the man? That will give you your answer.

It's not for being ill is it? It's for the drama surrounding it all. It's possible to feel ill without having a panic attack and back seat driving the while way. The passenger should have focused on themselves and left the driver to it, the driver did adjust their driving they just refused to slow down even further when there was someone hyperventilating and picking at their driving the whole way. Who would want to prolong that journey even more? It's dangerous having so much distraction when you should be focused on the road.

Nobody's wrong....shit happens.

Person A will probably make sure they have some tablets for future journeys and Person B will probably make sure they mention any tricky terrain.
Problem solved!

"Person A says Person B should have slowed down further as it was a quiet road and maybe pulled in to let traffic pass if there was a queue."

No that can be dangerous and you can be pulled over by the police. B has done nothing wrong. They've driven according to the law. The police would say that A should have been dropped back home and B continue alone.

I know it's a different situation but I got told off by the police 20 years ago for pulling over on the hard shoulder of a motorway when my friend was very car sick.
(Now I'm older I do totally understand what a stupid thing it was to do but i was young and daft and didn't fully appreciate the dangers)

I feel for person A, because motion sickness is gross, and it was unexpected as you say. But they were being unreasonable and a persistent pain in the arse IMO. They could've shut their eyes, or looked in the other direction, or just tried to breathe through it and not cause themselves more panic. I disagree with them that B should have slowed down even more than they were already; especially if there were other cars around. And re B not telling A about the height, honestly it wouldn't occur to me to tell a person afraid of heights about a road... if you're safely on the road, I don't see what the height OFF the road means to the situation. But I'm not afraid of heights so maybe I just don't get it. But then neither would B...

I have sympathy with A&B. Porlock hill terrifies me and have to lie in the back seat so I can’t see anything.
I don’t think there is a right or wrong here, just lessons to be learned for the next drive out.

I sympathise with person B because I’ve been that person many times… my DH gets motion sickness if he’s not driving and if I’m honest it drives me mad. I sympathise with him because it must be awful but does he ever take tablets ‘nope’ he forgets. We’re all then on edge as he sits with his head in his knees, constant “can you slow down or stop” and having to sit for half an hour at the end destination so he can recover. My DD used to be the same but even she’s wise enough to take a tablet before a longer journey even though she’s been fine for a good few years now herself.

A is at fault. Didn’t want to stop and take time to recover or have remedies work.
B was driving slower and has tried to support. But ultimately they are driving so they need to decide what’s safe, reasonable abd the best thing to do while driving.
A sounds quite a drama. I have had motion sickness and you don’t need the drama. It’s awful but jeez.

What is the relationship between A and B? I disbelieve your statement that you are not A....

Travel sickness pills don't always work if it's a particularly bad episode. It would be nice if there were a foolproof way of avoiding being ill and inconveniencing others, but there isn't.

Slow clap for @PearlKoala who thinks panic attacks are voluntary 🙄

No A is unreasonable here in regards to the speed. Going that slow is likely to cause accidents as even though you might pull over now and again people will be doing unnecessary dangerous manoeuvres on what sounds like a dangerous road if it's on a mountain. If it's single lane would there even be a safe way to pull over and then take off again? If A is being sick either way it would be better to just keep going. A definitely sounds dramatic and unreasonable in expectations

Believe it, dont believe it, I dont care.

I'm guessing B is your son and A is your DH.

I get really travel sick and still think A is massively unreasonable. B did absolutely nothing wrong- they weren’t obliged to provide a blow by blow of the route, they definitely shouldn’t have slowed down further as it would be dangerous and they offered to stop, buy meds etc.