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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how far you'd go to stop a friend from frequently drink driving

107 replies

wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone · 02/06/2024 22:31

He's in his early 60s, drives a van and is convinced that alcohol won't impair his judgement.

Today he was drinking several glasses of wine at his son's house before driving for an hour to return back. We live close by and I noticed the state he was in.
I really lost it today, he could have killed someone. I've messaged his son but I short of reporting him, what on earth can I do.?

I've sat down with him and made him read the RAC facts on drink driving, the met police facts on jail/licence removal etc.
He's nodding but deep down I know he won't really listen.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Blendeddogs · 03/06/2024 10:28

Comedycook · 02/06/2024 22:33

Report him.

I'm usually very much a mind my own business type of person but he could literally kill someone

This - I would tell them this and I couldn’t be friends with a potential killer

MsSorrento · 03/06/2024 10:33

You report him, that's the only option.

LoveSandbanks · 03/06/2024 10:34

I had a friend that used to drink and drive and outright told her I would report her.

we’re not friends anymore which is fine, I like my friends to have at least some integrity.

alittlehopeisadangerousthing · 03/06/2024 10:35

Report him. Imagine having to live with the knowledge that he knocked down and killed somebody and you never reported him. Just report him and you'll know you did what you could.

DownWithThisKindOfThing · 03/06/2024 10:36

Why you would do anything other than phone the police is beyond me.

Sarah2891 · 03/06/2024 10:37

I'd have reported him easily. Drink drivers are the worst.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/06/2024 10:38

I’ve certainly heard of someone in such cases of habitual drink-driving, tipping off local police at the time - giving a description of the vehicle and reg no. if they know it. And the route they’ll be on.

I dare say most people would feel guilty about doing it, but the fact is that so many accidents - including serious and fatal ones - are down to driving while under the influence of alcohol - and more recently, often of drugs, too.

OooohAhhhh · 03/06/2024 10:43

I've heard of reporting in advance too, obviously they need to catch him in the act before they will do anything.
If you know a time & place that he will be on say Friday like you say, if you tell the police they will wait for him probably in an unmarked car. Then all he has to do is get in the vehicle to drive and they will stop him in his tracks & arrest him.
I know you're concerned about doing it because he's your friend, but it isn't snidey doing this, you're potentially saving his life and someone else's.

PandaCwtch · 03/06/2024 10:52

You've said he doesn't think there's a problem, so next time you see him drinking and getting in his car, you need to call the police on 999.

I've been hit by a drunk driver. He'd "just had a couple after work", exactly as you describe. Because he was under the influence, rather than stop and help me, or phone an ambulance, he left me for dead in the road.

Smartiepants79 · 03/06/2024 10:52

You phone the police.
That’s it.
If you allow him to carry on with your knowledge and consent you are partly responsible for any accidents he might have.

Lanawashington · 03/06/2024 10:55

My mil reported my fil for drink driving and he got caught and lost his licence. She has no regrets

He's about to get his licence back, hasn't stopped drinking and so will probably do it again. I will absolutely report him again if necessary

SilentSilhouette · 03/06/2024 10:56

Absolutely 100% report him.

If he feels it's not a problem then let the police be the judge of that.

I remember a drunk/drug driver where I used to live hitting some school kids and killing one of them.

RumJerrySailorRum · 03/06/2024 10:56

Sadly reporting it does very little.

I reported someone I knew who drove pissed on a daily basis. As did many others.
I gave the times, place, car registration and home address. I reported it several times and in different ways.

But, because I was never actually there when it happened I couldn't call 999 or remove his keys.

He never got stopped.

So, basically the only real deterrent is to remove the keys from someone. Reporting does fuck all!

Member984815 · 03/06/2024 11:01

The only way to sort this is to report it. If you see him driving and know he has been drinking you need to report it.

Ponoka7 · 03/06/2024 11:02

I voted YABU for not reporting him sooner. People ate more likely to die being hit by a van, so they don't need to be going over the speed limit etc. I've known a few children/teens killed by vans, they would have had a chance of survival if hit by a car. 4×4s are the same. As said when a child is killed, in court it always comes out that people knew. You are morally aiding and abetting a serious crime.

Maddy70 · 03/06/2024 11:04

I reported mine to the police. I told him i would if he did it again

My children are driving on the same road. He could kill one of them

Locutus2000 · 03/06/2024 11:18

RumJerrySailorRum · 03/06/2024 10:56

Sadly reporting it does very little.

I reported someone I knew who drove pissed on a daily basis. As did many others.
I gave the times, place, car registration and home address. I reported it several times and in different ways.

But, because I was never actually there when it happened I couldn't call 999 or remove his keys.

He never got stopped.

So, basically the only real deterrent is to remove the keys from someone. Reporting does fuck all!

Sadly reporting it does very little.

It depends on your area I guess and what initiatives the police are undertaking.

Where I live they are really hot on it, using community info and online reporting to identify habitual offenders and stake them out.

In the posh village where my sister lives it sometimes feels like there are more people driving pissed than not, nobody gives a fuck.

Intel is everything at the end of the day, report report report.

Whothefuckdoesthat · 03/06/2024 11:35

I’d tell him that I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore and that I would be phoning the police each and every time I saw him drink and then get behind the wheel.

What’s his current deterrent? He drinks, he drives. So far, he’s been lucky and nobody has been hurt. And his friends might nag him a bit, but then they settle down and it goes back to normal. Why would he stop? Clearly, the thought of the consequences isn’t enough to stop him, so perhaps he needs to experience some of the lesser consequences, (like losing friends, being arrested and losing his licence) before someone else has to deal with more serious consequences of his utter stupidity and selfishness.

mitogoshi · 03/06/2024 11:36

If you have tried to tell him not to, the only thing left is to report him

MrTiddlesTheCat · 03/06/2024 11:45

I'd report him and I'd be up front and tell him I'd do it. But then my favourite uncle was killed by a drunk driver a few days before his wedding day. His wedding cake was served at his funeral.

berksandbeyond · 03/06/2024 11:47

Well, you can phone the police or you can steal his keys I suppose.
If you watch him get into a vehicle and drive off after drinking, and he kills someone, you’ll never get over the guilt

LlynTegid · 03/06/2024 11:48

Report him, no question. Hope he can be stopped before Friday.

If a company van, let the company know.
If you know the place on Friday where he goes, let them know, and ask them not to serve him, preferably to ban him from the premises. With the registration of the van if you have it.

ButterCrackers · 03/06/2024 11:48

Call the police and give his vehicle registration and his details.

Spirallingdownwards · 03/06/2024 11:50

Don't understand why you are stopping short of reporting him. Glad to see you will be.

DaisyChain505 · 03/06/2024 11:53

Coming from someone who has seen the devastation of drink driving I would be livid.

make it known to him and his family and friends how wrong this is and that everyone who knows him should be sharing the same opinion as you directly to him.

i would 100% be calling the police on him