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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you how far you'd go to stop a friend from frequently drink driving

107 replies

wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone · 02/06/2024 22:31

He's in his early 60s, drives a van and is convinced that alcohol won't impair his judgement.

Today he was drinking several glasses of wine at his son's house before driving for an hour to return back. We live close by and I noticed the state he was in.
I really lost it today, he could have killed someone. I've messaged his son but I short of reporting him, what on earth can I do.?

I've sat down with him and made him read the RAC facts on drink driving, the met police facts on jail/licence removal etc.
He's nodding but deep down I know he won't really listen.
Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Original poster
wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone · 02/06/2024 22:46

Thank you everyone

ByNavyOtter that's helpful.

OP posts:
abouttoturn50 · 02/06/2024 22:49

Definitely 100% report

FiveTreeHill · 02/06/2024 22:51

Report him, obviously.

Reporting for me isn't about punishing him or getting him to stop, it's about preventing him harming or killing someone. You say he could kill someone one day, he could kill someone tonight. How would you feel knowing you knew he was drink driving if he killed someone?

Original poster
wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone · 02/06/2024 22:52

He goes for drinks after work on some Friday evenings .
Thats the next opportunity.
Feel completely sickened and saddened.

OP posts:
NewName24 · 02/06/2024 22:58

Not sure which way your AIBU was.
I voted YABU, because I think YABU for not phoning the police when you knew he was getting behind the wheel of his van.

Maybe other voters interpreted the question differently ? As it seem unlikely people think it reasonable that you know about this and haven't stopped him.

Yerto · 02/06/2024 23:01

Please report him, you can do it anonymously. Try and have as much info as you can if there is a pattern to when he does it. If something happened, you wouldn't forgive yourself.

VotesForWomen · 02/06/2024 23:05

I votes YABU because you're stopping short of reporting him.

Get onto the local police (111) and give them the heads up about Friday. Then take their advice about how to report specifics on Friday.

spiderlight · 02/06/2024 23:05

Please report him. My friend lost three close family members, including her seven-year-old, to drunk drivers in three separate accidents, so I say that without hesitation.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 02/06/2024 23:08

Report him. He will always say he's okay to do it until it isn't okay.

CommeUneVacheEspagnole · 02/06/2024 23:10

I grew up rurally and this was the norm with older generations, even some who are younger.

A recent work event where we drank all day, someone drove home. I left earlier but I was horrified that people laughed about it and had allowed it. It happened again at the next one and the boss made a comment about not doing it again please. I made my feelings clear (and was considered argumentative) and said had I been there I'd have called the police as she left quoting her number plate.

RampantIvy · 02/06/2024 23:14

I know he'll end up killing someone or causing an accident one day.

So, why haven't you reported him then?
It's a no brainer. You can do it anonymously.

HereComesEverybody · 02/06/2024 23:17

I would report him without a single qualm & have done with close family (so more.at stake than a friend)
It's just not worth it not to. How could you live with yourself otherwise?

MymblesMother · 02/06/2024 23:18

Report him via the crimestoppers website; it's completely anonymous and they'll send the info to your local police station.
You can also report him by phoning 101.

PangolinPan · 02/06/2024 23:21

If you watch Crash Detectives on BBC pretty much every single collision is caused by someone drink driving. It is horrific. Please do report him.

spottyhotdog · 02/06/2024 23:24

Report him.
If you don't and he kills someone (I really hope he doesn't!), you would end up feeling guilty for not trying to stop him.

Bluescissorsbluepen · 02/06/2024 23:32

There are so many things that can ruin lives, few can be avoided but being killed by this particular drunk driver can be avoided if you report them.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/06/2024 23:34

Kind people don’t get behind the wheel of a lethal weapon when they’re pissed.

Of course you have to report him.

Sarahzb · 02/06/2024 23:41

Huh. Someone asked me at a party at my house to drop them to a bus stop so near to me it was ridiculous. No. I've had too much to drink.
Oh it's not very far!
No. Either walk or get another bus to your desired stop.
In the 60s it was common. Not now FFS

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/06/2024 23:42

I can't believe people stiĺl fo this.
Report.

Deathbyfluffy · 02/06/2024 23:46

Report - I’ve done it and not ashamed to say I did it via 999 (as it’s a crime in progress).

One of the people I reported was caught on their drive home from the pub, lost their job (as they were a taxi driver) and I don’t feel guilty.
They still have no idea I reported them as far as I know!

ClockworkDisaster · 03/06/2024 08:29

Report 100% without hesitation. Give the police his reg.

GiantRoadPuzzle · 03/06/2024 08:31

Report him.

DH’s best friend was killed by a drunk driver and it came out in the inquest that the driver was frequently known by family and friends to drive drunk, but no one ever reported him.

RedPony1 · 03/06/2024 10:11

Report him, I've just reported someone i know for drink & drug driving. merrily driving her children around but can barely stand up! i'll report her every time i see her wobbling to her car until they catch her

Mammma91 · 03/06/2024 10:12

Report him. Every time. People like that shouldn’t be aloud on the road. Dangerous and he’s a selfish idiot.

DelilahBucket · 03/06/2024 10:20

The only way he will realise is to lose his licence. You're right, he's going to kill someone. So you need to be reporting it to the police via 999 as soon as he gets behind the wheel. The car doesn't even need to be moving for him to be arrested, he just needs to have the keys on him and be in the vehicle (it was this action that caused someone I know to get a driving ban last year).