Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad about my daughter going school tomorrow with shorter hair

121 replies

inneedofaglowup · 02/06/2024 20:24

I've had my DD haircut in this half term. She's 6. I understand it's the biggest thing in the world for them in the sense their hair is short they feel they look totally different. She had longer hair now cut to just below her shoulders. She's scared to go school tomorrow and is crying that she doesn't like it and everyone will say she looks different. I've tried to calm her down and tell her how beautiful she looks and that she doesn't look any different at all. But how do I make her happier, I feel awful and will be tense all day at work tmrw knowing she gets upset at any small comment someone could make.

OP posts:
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 20:28

Aw bless her I bet it looks lovely! Why don't you have a look tonight and screenshot some nice but quick to do children's hairstyles for her new length and then get her to pick the one she likes best in the morning? At least she will hopefully feel like if she thinks it looks cool then everyone else will! I know people will say the best thing is to instil the confidence in her to not care what other people think but I do think that lessons like that resonate when children are older and over a period of time. Just my opinion!

Iloveeverycat · 02/06/2024 20:29

Is hair not tied up for school.

Shirtdress · 02/06/2024 20:30

Honestly, OP, the best thing you can do is to calm down about it yourself.

Greenleavesinthesun · 02/06/2024 20:31

Poor thing, nothing worse than not being happy with your hair and having to go to school/work…the dread.

What if you was to tie it up or do a half up half down? Maybe that would make her feel better? After a week she will be used to it and feel a lot better.

PrincessTeaSet · 02/06/2024 20:31

Rather than denying her feelings, acknowledge that she is worried that her hair looks different and let her talk about how she feels without insisting everything is fine. Once she's got it off her chest, ask her what would make her feel better about it - is there anything practical she or you can do? How does she want to respond if someone comments on her hair?
Feeling heard and understood and taking control of a solution is what will help.

Lou7171 · 02/06/2024 20:31

She'll be fine. I didn't think 6 year olds paid that much attention to hair tbh!

rubyslippers · 02/06/2024 20:32

But she’s still got long hair
you're both working yourself up about something which 90% of the kids at school won’t notice or care about

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 02/06/2024 20:32

Shirtdress · 02/06/2024 20:30

Honestly, OP, the best thing you can do is to calm down about it yourself.

Agree

LetticeSlay · 02/06/2024 20:34

Just below her shoulders is long hair.

In year three and year four, lots of girls get their hair cut to this length or a bob. Your dd is just ahead of the curve.

Caterina99 · 02/06/2024 20:34

Can’t you still put in a pony tail? Pretty sure no one will even notice if it’s tied back.

You might have to be a bit more creative with clips and hair bands if it’s shorter, but below shoulder isn’t really that short

TaraT28 · 02/06/2024 20:34

I find kids usually get over these things quickly and get used to their new look. It is too bad that girls so young care so much about their appearance.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/06/2024 20:35

DS had a dreadful haircut recently, didn't think he'd really noticed (5) but he told his teacher his haircut looked like a Lego man and next time he was going to go back to mummy's hairdresser not daddy's barber 😁, hair is a big thing to some, DS has always had at least collar length hair and it's a bit of who he is , I'd happily have it shorter it would be easier but it's what he wants.
I agree with PPs saying look up some styles for that length and let her pick one (a fancy plait or something)

Swollenandgrouchy · 02/06/2024 20:36

Put it in a bun.

thistimelastweek · 02/06/2024 20:36

Iloveeverycat · 02/06/2024 20:29

Is hair not tied up for school.

Yes it is.
And if the whole thread about a 6 year old getting a haircut isn't some ironical reflection on society today then I'm totally confused

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 02/06/2024 20:36

Lou7171 · 02/06/2024 20:31

She'll be fine. I didn't think 6 year olds paid that much attention to hair tbh!

Oh some do! My DD took a few inches off when she was 7, my God the drama and hardly anyone noticed.

She'll be OK OP all you can do is reassure her and put it in her usual style so it won't be so obvious and they won't all stare.

Original poster
inneedofaglowup · 02/06/2024 20:43

Thank you for the responses from people who can understand. For those telling me to calm down please try to understand how scared and bothered you can be at the slightest comment when you're young and everything matters. And yes for a 6 year old she is very conscious about her hair and stuff. She's in to these type of things whereas my 9 year old is less bothered as she's not so much into doing hair etc.

She does have it tied up for school anyway but seems to think it will be so noticeable still. I've explained it won't be but hopefully when she goes to school and she realises no one cares and her worrying mind is at rest. The comment about hair styles is a good one I'm going to try that now.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 02/06/2024 20:48

Jeez. I cut my 6 year old's too. Took about 5 inches off to just below her shoulders. She did have a minute of suddenly saying she didn't like it and crying. I just told her it was still long and it looked very nice. Wasn't entertaining it any more than that. And she was fine 5 minutes later.

Shirtdress · 02/06/2024 20:50

inneedofaglowup · 02/06/2024 20:43

Thank you for the responses from people who can understand. For those telling me to calm down please try to understand how scared and bothered you can be at the slightest comment when you're young and everything matters. And yes for a 6 year old she is very conscious about her hair and stuff. She's in to these type of things whereas my 9 year old is less bothered as she's not so much into doing hair etc.

She does have it tied up for school anyway but seems to think it will be so noticeable still. I've explained it won't be but hopefully when she goes to school and she realises no one cares and her worrying mind is at rest. The comment about hair styles is a good one I'm going to try that now.

YOU’RE not six and bothered by every comment, though. It’s your job to calm her down about this minor issue.

DojaPhat · 02/06/2024 20:52

I think you need to entertain the drama a bit less with her - even if you do feel scattered by the whole thing. Just tell her she looks lovely and leave it there - don't join in the 'but muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, what if everyone says i loooooooook different!!!!!!'. This is less about ignoring her justifiable emotions, she's 6 it must feel like doomsday. But you don't need to join the ride - it really is things like this that help children develop perspective. She'll take cues from your reaction/response.

Original poster
inneedofaglowup · 02/06/2024 20:53

What makes you think I'm not calm? What's on my mind is my child crying at school because I know she can be sensitive. What shall I do? Not worry about her?

OP posts:
MaryMaryVeryContrary · 02/06/2024 20:53

inneedofaglowup · 02/06/2024 20:53

What makes you think I'm not calm? What's on my mind is my child crying at school because I know she can be sensitive. What shall I do? Not worry about her?

Tell her to stop being silly.

She’s feeding off your anxiety.

ConsuelaHammock · 02/06/2024 20:53

I honestly wouldn’t mention it again to her. Compliment her in the morning and send her off to school with a smile. She’ll be fine.

ApoodlecalledPenny · 02/06/2024 20:54

If you model “it’s fine” she will calm down I think. Just be very nonchalant - “it’s a shame you don’t like it, I think it looks great, the good thing about hair is it grows back, etc, etc”. Basically, don’t feed the big reaction, act like it’s ridiculous.

Original poster
inneedofaglowup · 02/06/2024 20:54

DojaPhat · 02/06/2024 20:52

I think you need to entertain the drama a bit less with her - even if you do feel scattered by the whole thing. Just tell her she looks lovely and leave it there - don't join in the 'but muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum, what if everyone says i loooooooook different!!!!!!'. This is less about ignoring her justifiable emotions, she's 6 it must feel like doomsday. But you don't need to join the ride - it really is things like this that help children develop perspective. She'll take cues from your reaction/response.

I've been very positive with her. I just showed her a flurry of photos of hairstyles she can do with her hair and she's in a much better mood. Thank you to those who suggested that!

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 02/06/2024 20:54

For those telling me to calm down please try to understand how scared and bothered you can be at the slightest comment when you're young

Such drama. You need to worry less as its clearly rubbing off on your DD.

It's just hair. Tell her it looks lovely and that just because people might notice and say its shorter then that's all they're doing, noticing and commenting. It doesn't mean they're being negative at all.

Swipe left for the next trending thread