To feel bad about my daughter going school tomorrow with shorter hair

[inneedofaglowup]

I've had my DD haircut in this half term. She's 6. I understand it's the biggest thing in the world for them in the sense their hair is short they feel they look totally different. She had longer hair now cut to just below her shoulders. She's scared to go school tomorrow and is crying that she doesn't like it and everyone will say she looks different. I've tried to calm her down and tell her how beautiful she looks and that she doesn't look any different at all. But how do I make her happier, I feel awful and will be tense all day at work tmrw knowing she gets upset at any small comment someone could make.

@DappledThings then we obviously have different interpretations of people's comments, which is absolutely fine. My comment was directed towards the OP so I don't think you and I need to have a subconversation on it

This is why we have a Snowflake generation. It's a haircut.....

There's a lot of posters on here whose comments are just not it. Snowflake generation? No im not having that. My child is 6 years old. She doesn't have any other thing to worry about because she's a 6 year old child. She's not got depressive work issues or relationship problems plunging her to deep sadness or money worries or career issues or any other god awful thing because she is 6 years old!!!!!!!!! All that bullshit is mine and my partners issues to be handling not my child's. And if she's upset about a haircut then that's what it is!!!!!! Side note; she is never upset at things, she's witty and smart and usually a tough little girl not that any of that matters but guess what she is still a small child with a different outlook to life than all these "get over it" "get on with it" comments. There are some nasty NASTY people out there and if they're like this over an issue like this, then I cannot imagine how these people are in their day to day. I parent my children brilliantly and I know that because my kids are amazing and intelligent beings that know right from wrong. If my daughter wants to cry because she's feeling a little anxious then I'll hold her in my arms and not stop reassuring her until she's smiling and is feeling great again. I won't push her to the side and tell her "oh it doesn't matter" "oh get over it", because to her in that minute it mattered, so it matters in that minute to me as well.

OP, I remember some of the things that worried me as a 6 year old child and knowing I could go to my Mum and Dad with my worries, and that they would help me - in whatever way that that help looked like - was such a comfort to me.

How lovely that you and your daughter worked through this together and that in doing so, she was able to go to school and face her fears. And even better that she found out that her fears were unfounded. So a doubly winning day for her and you.

Yeah that stupid 6 year old is being such a snowflake about a haircut 🤨 would you tell your 6 year old who was genuinely anxious about something to just suck it up and to stop being daft? My own mother dismissed my feelings when I was a child and I was made to feel pathetic and stupid over things that as an adult doesn't matter but to a child it's a massive deal. All kids get worked up over stupid things and that's where you come in as a parent and listen to what they are saying and talk to them about it and that is what helps them to learn how to deal with stuff. I am the complete opposite to my very dismissive mother and I have a very confident 14 year old daughter who has never been made to feel stupid about being worried about stuff. I think the snowflakes come from parents who are dismissive tbh

You sound like an utterly brilliant mum!

This is such a wonderful attitude to parenting, I hope I have the exact same relationship with my boy when he's 6! It's all relative, a 6 year old going into school with new hair can absolutely feel as scary as being bullied as a teenager and going through career loss/relationship breakup as an adult. As she faces new challenges throughout her life I have no doubt she will continue to confide in you and not made to feel silly about whatever is troubling her at that particular moment!

Thank you to all of you. 🥹

It's my opinion and I'm not 'nasty' you sound quite dramatic and my point was that we DO have a snowflake generation. Not your daughters but GenZ . I work with a few of them and they are very entitled and sensitive.

It's true most of us had parents who came from stiff upper lip times, and now there's a whole host of us trying to heal trauma and desperately not repeat our own childhoods.

IMO it's gone too far. And in this instance, it's a haircut that by your own admission turned out to be a non entity. Although you clearly found yourself emotional and worked up enough about it to start a thread. She might be 6 years old but in 10 years time? All your fretting and worrying over small things will result in what I believe to be a continuation of the existing snowflake generation.

To get ahead in life parents need to step back from fretting over their children and teens and tweens....

For anyone saying 'mum mum was closed off and I won't be like that', my mum was and still isn't a mum. Never met my DCs, too many mental health problems and alcohol abuse from my early years. I would never repeat the chaos I lived in, the neglect and feeling unloved but I do have something about me... street smart, independent, empathetic, hypervigilent, I can read a room in seconds. Adversity is tough but it can shape you and I won't be wrapping my children in cotton wool, there is a balance.

I fear for the generation we see now and the upcoming generation. That's my opinion and calling me Nasty shows more about you than me. I stand by the 'it's just a haircut' comment.

I love the way you're throwing around 'snowflake generation' as a FACT and not just a term invented by right wingers who didn't like being called racist once.

My childhood was like yours @findingmoi and I find I'm crumbling emotionally now I'm in late middle age. Reading a room has become taking on everyone else's emotions. Teaching your kids that emotions are real and like anything real you can take them out and look at them - ignoring them doesn't make them go away - is giving them the skills to manage their emotions and draw boundaries around themselves for their whole life.

You've criticised the OP for staying a thread about something that was upsetting her 6 yr old, but you've kind of gone off on one about someone on the internet saying you were nasty for it... Doesn't look like resilience.

It is a well known fact the current crop of 20 something year olds are very hard to manage at work. It's very well known that 'boomers' and 'GenX' are very different to 'GenZ'. Perhaps look it up.

Name calling is emotional, I was highlighting OP was emotional. I don't care she calls me nasty, just bemused why anyone would ask for opinions on a forum then call someone nasty for giving them.

Sorry you're struggling in later life, trauma doesn't leave you and I too struggle in some ways but I also see that independence and Gritt gets you places as well as being very loved and in touch with emotions. Again, it's my opinion.... if I survived everything I did, someone will survive a bad haircut.

@findingmoi do you not think your 6 paragraph reply is far more dramatic than the OP's response on her own thread? If you think your patenting is so much more superior why don't you just continue that rather than shoehorning your opinion when it is neither productive nor helpful? What was your desired response from the OP? "Ah findingmoi has informed me that they fear for the snowflake generation. Problem solved"? There was no need to post a reply on a thread that already had a positive conclusion, it was there simply to criticise, and there is no need for that - this is a forum for support.

parenting not patenting obviously

@MaltipooMama I replied as I only had a chance this morning. It reached a positive conclusion after OP sent a pretty lengthy reply to me.

What's the length of my reply got to do with being dramatic. The language and points were all relevant. I was answering questions and bringing clarity and context to my point.

I was far from the only one who found it a 'much to do about nothing' topic.

I was not responding to you directly. I highlighted your comment that said "snowflake generation" as it's unacceptable to me that you'd say that about my parenting and my daughter, I generalised all negative comments on here. Please don't think you know anyone else's backgrounds, upbringings etc by one thread. You might think out of your upbringing you've become a tough cookie but this is the internet. You only see what's there in front of you. I posted for some helpful advice not to be told I'm "dramatic". I don't think I'm an over reactive person at all. I've always been calm and collected. Not sure what tone you read my initial post in.

So glad to hear that your daughter has a good day and she's learned that Mum is a safe person to come to with worries, no matter how small or insignificant others have judged it to be. She's learned that you treat her with compassion, kindness, and from a place of life experience. Well done, you are a brilliant mum.

You should always treat your child with compassion and kindness, for sure, and it seems that it is what you have done. She's 6 and a haircut is her biggest worry right now (lucky her!)
But your reaction is not normal, I'm sorry to say. Why starting a thread about it, why worrying about it yourself?
It's a non event, and you need to build your own resilience so you are not shattered with each and every mood swing or feeling of your daughter, for her own good and for yours :)

Thank you ☺️

I started the thread asking for advice to make her feel better and how I could advise her to not be upset about it. I felt everything I was doing to reassure her was not enough because she was still anxious and crying. I reached out for some advice from parents who have been in the same boat and what they did to help their child overcome it. Some parents gave some great tips and that helped me and in turn helped my daughter.

Honestly OP. Please forget all these unnecessary posts on here. There are so many people on MN these days who seem to get a kick out of putting others down, they love nothing more than a race to the bottom just to show how 'sensitive ' you're being in your parenting. I know who I'd rather have as a mummy if I was a 6 year old little girl.

My daughter was exactly like your daughter at that age. In fact, much more sensitive, as you say this is unlike her. At 6, my daughter wouldn't have even gone to the hairdressers because she was so shy and nervous of strangers touching her.

So did I force her, tell her to get a grip, push away her worries like they were nothing just because I, as an adult, know there's nothing to worry about? No, I cut her hair myself at home where she was comfortable. I nurtured her and gave her so much love, reassured her over a time that suited her, filled her with so much confidence over the years that I now have a fabulous, confident, wonderful 18 year old who is getting ready to go off to Oxford uni (fingers crossed) in a few months. She also excels at a tough mixed sport that she would never have dared try as a younger child.

Unsurprisingly she is perfectly happy getting her hair cut by strangers now! She has a gentle confidence that I've never seen in anyone before. And this isn't because I dismissed her fears until she was resigned to not bother coming to me anymore, it's because I spent time nurturing and reassuring her until her confidence was so high the world couldn't knock it.

Keep being the parent you are, you sound fab.

Thank you 🥹 it's comments like these that make me happy to see there are parents like this. It makes me very happy.