To feel bad about my daughter going school tomorrow with shorter hair

[inneedofaglowup]

I've had my DD haircut in this half term. She's 6. I understand it's the biggest thing in the world for them in the sense their hair is short they feel they look totally different. She had longer hair now cut to just below her shoulders. She's scared to go school tomorrow and is crying that she doesn't like it and everyone will say she looks different. I've tried to calm her down and tell her how beautiful she looks and that she doesn't look any different at all. But how do I make her happier, I feel awful and will be tense all day at work tmrw knowing she gets upset at any small comment someone could make.

Yes I've been doing this

She’s scared and bothered because you’re basically telling her she should be.

Think about it, if you were worried about something, what would reassure you? Somebody saying ‘Look, I’m telling you you’re worrying about nothing. It’s no big deal. Now let’s go and have a slice of cake’ or ‘oh yes I can see you’re worried, are you worried? I would be too. How are you feeling? I hate seeing you upset. What’s upsetting you most?’ Blah blah blah

Instead of trying to paper over the cracks and telling her it doest look any different when it does you need to teach her how to respond to the comments in an age appropriate way "Thank you for noticing" or something similar if she does get comments. Teach her that trying out different hair lengths is great because it is always temporary as hair always grows back.

Tie it up and plait it for the first few days so it is less noticeable, she'll settle into it and then have forgotten all the fuss by midweek when someone actually does notice.

I really don't think it's that common for a child that age to be fixating on a hair cut or other little insignificant issues so much. Isnt it more likely she's transferring her worries about something else, either going back to school in general or something more specific?

That's not what I've been doing though.

Why did you cut it?

No. It's because her hair was very long and not its cut to below her shoulders. She's not used to it hence the worry that she looks totally different. She was happy throughout the holidays and was loving her hair but the thought of the kids at school making a comment on her hair had her a little panicked that she may look different. But I've shown her lots of photos of hair styles and that's calmed her down plenty. She's now looking forward to school again after I've told her I'd put in lots of hair clips and it'll be up on a ponytail anyway.

It was pretty long and with the weather getting warmer I thought a cut to make it a little better to manage would help.

I would assume this is more about going back to school after half term and she's focusing on the hair tbh. She's probably tucked up in bed by now but I would probably be having a chat about seeing her friends tomorrow/ favourite lessons etc. she's just got to get through it hasn't she, but it's totally reasonable to feel a bit apprehensive about going back to school (hair related or not)!

Thank you. That's just it. She's okay now almost nodded off. I just don't like the feeling of being helpless and I know she's pretty sensitive. But yes it'll be tied up and I hope she forgets about it as well!

I'm glad the hairstyles trick worked! I don't think telling the OP to calm down is helpful advice, who is anyone to judge - it's not your child? OP wants to help alleviate some of her child's anxiety about going to school with "new hair", children are allowed to express emotions that adults might think are irrational, are parents not supposed to care?

Girls are allowed to wear their hair down at DD's primary and secondary school.

has she not had a haircut before ?

No wonder we have so many anxious kids obsessed about their appearance. Absolutely none of this is important in the scheme of things.

Does anyone teach children resilience anymore?

Thank you. Your advice was great 😊

My daughter is five. She had her to her bum and it needed cut. She gave 17 inches to princess trust. The school set up a just giving and she raised £2000. She's now growing it again because she felt so good and helpful.

Yes she has but I would usually just give it a trim this time it's a little shorter than usual.

Not everyone builds up resilience at the same speed. Give her a few years I'm sure she'll be pretty resilient then.

Op did you not have dds input/ opinion on the new haircut?!

Seems a big change for you to decide, no wonder shes upset!

Well those schools are just begging for nits.
And don't come crying when your loose-haired girl catches them.

I did and she was happy with it initially. She was even happy after it was cut and was showing it off to her grandparents etc. I think the thought of the school kids became just a bit daunting for her.

Indeed. I had always assumed tied up was the rule at all schools until a thread on here a few months ago. Seems mad to keep it isn't a universal rule.

This is the start of her either believing or not believing that her hair and how she looks is what defines whether she has a good day or not.

Tell her she looks lovely with long hair, medium hair, short hair or bald. And then say you’ve heard enough about hair and she needs to focus on something more important.

No she's not led on how she looks to determine her day. Just that she's had a bit of a change, her hairs shorter than it normally is and as a 6 year old this is probably a big change in their eyes and going to school with something new had made her nervous. But she's fine now.

I'd tie it up/ clip it etc to make it look a similar style to how she would have worn it before the cut.