What's your cautionary tale?

[BrightInMyNorthernSky]

Having just got through the most stressful week ever due to a nightmare situation of my own making, I thought I would share a previous and current cautionary tale.

1. Always remember to change the address on your V5 and not just your license. I didn't. DH got caught speeding twice on the same day on the same stretch of road (33 in a 30) in my car. Both fines went to old address. Didn't answer them, obvs. The whole sorry mess played out without me being aware and by the time it all caught up with me it was had been banned from driving for six months and fined £2k - five months earlier! So had been driving while banned for five months!!!

I used to tell them not to swing on chairs as the paperwork I would have to fill in would take me ages, go and do it in someone else's classroom!

I’m a small business (independent jeweller). I still advertise on Facebook. I get lots of sales that way. I’m not a scammer. Just an independent designer.

Don't have a fling with a married colleague.

And if you do, don't fall for them.

I wasted my late 20s and early 30s pining for someone who was really not worth it!

I did a speeding course and they said to keep that they allowed a 10% tolerance.

Do not commence caring commitments without all parties clearly understanding their roles.
GPs, social workers et al require contact details for one person and then that person becomes the single point of contact. If possible agree awkward cycles with family (I'll cover the first three weeks, then you can cover the next) it makes things fiddly and much less likely to end up with your sister being on holiday for the first week of her month and attending a wedding abroad on the last.
Don't assume that making more of an effort for a declining parent will lead to any lessening of feelings of guilt, even if you went above and beyond.

I don't think we ever discussed anything before we got married as students and were married for over 50 years.......................

Don't agree to being a trustee of a charity without properly understanding what the structure is and what you might be liable for. Trustees of unincorporated charities are individually legally and financially liable for any issues/debts and lots of small charities are set up that way.

So check the set up before signing up to the PTA and make sure proper insurance is in place for events. Otherwise, if there's an accident then someone could in theory claim against you personally.

And if it's an unincorporated charity that employs anyone, be very very wary. If there isn't enough money in the charity to pay any redundancy money due, it potentially falls on the trustees to pay it. (And while the government steps in to pay the redundancy when a company goes insolvent, it apparently doesn't step in when an unincorporated charity has to close.)

Luckily I know this from indirect rather than personal experience

Always read the small print.
Never be a guarantor for someone who has already been refused by lenders.
Dont lend money you can't afford to lose
Don't overlook red flags in a relationship in the early stages, this is when they are at their best, it will only get worse.
Trust your gut

Why not?
I had DHs card from when I was at uni and now I am higher earner and majority of savings are in my account.

You can't fix another person/solve another person's problems.

No matter how much you want to, nor how much they might want you to.

You can give the the time, space and support to fix themselves, but it has to be them driving it.

Also, if you're the one always compromising at the start of a relationship, the other person isn't eventually going to realise this and work to redress the balance.

Be wary of cancelling pet insurance and saving the premiums, I considered doing this last year as the premiums for my giant breed dog were £130 a month even though we had never claimed.

Luckily I didn't do it as immediately after I renewed the insurance he got a runny nose. We didn't think much of it at first but tests quickly ran into the thousands and the £10000 cover was just about exhausted when he started having fits and it was found that he had a fungal infection which had spread from his nose into his brain.

He had to be pts as the brain damage was so bad but at least the insurance meant we gave him the best chance.

Thank you, just done that!

I asked all this on the night we met. We got engaged 12 weeks later and married 18 months after that.

Op, that is so awful! I can see that happening so easily. You must be beyond gutted.

Never send your private thoughts by text/WhatsApp unless you'd be happy for them to also be published on the front page of your local newspaper.

I'm not suggesting that everyone with links on FB is a scammer, just that it's safer to go to a retailer's website rather than follow the 'sale' links - I suppose I'm thinking of the 'White Stuff 70% off' sale or similar. That's what caught me.

A friend came back to UK by ferry for a job interview, it was a rough crossing and he spent most of the short trip on deck. Because the ferry was late he drove straight to the interview and he got some very funny looks from everyone, he went into the gents to see he had a coating of fine salt from the dried spray all over him!

Don't settle down with selfish lazy men.

Always use protection if you don't want to get pregnant, even if there's only 0.1% chance of it happening.

Do not drink bottles of wine on a night out if you want to be able to move the next day.

Before you leave somewhere check you have phone, keys, purse, bag and coat.

This is good advice. My DH very nearly died of sepsis because he put his job first and delayed going to hospital abroad.

The red flags you ignore at the beginning of a relationship will be the reasons you end the relationship.

When you marry someone you marry the family too. I underestimated how much upset family issues and misplaced loyalty can cause.

I also agree that you should consider things like personality traits and behaviour before choosing to procreate with someone. Lots of things are genetic.

If your return flight seems suspciously cheap - check it's in the right month! DH didn't and we got to the airport in Lanzarote at the end of December 2018 to find our flight was for the end of January! A few friends I've spoken to said it's easy to flip onto the next month on some airline websites so watch out for that one.

All London flights were booked for the next week but very luckily there was one leaving 2 hours later for Birmingham with 4 seats going and we got home 'only' 6 hours later than planned at about 1am. 😳

Never lend money to a friend or relative , you will never get it back and it will cause lots of misery

Similar to the above: double check your payment card payment has gone through when you book a flight.

I once found out a week before a long haul holiday I had put the dates in the calendar and booked accommodation but my payment card never went through on the flight website so I didn't have tickets.

I just pretended everything was normal and emptied my savings account (2 adults and 3 kids to Thailand!! argh).

I concur!

Dont skive off work and go to Wimbledon. You may be sat under the score board (dmum)

Deputy Head at my Grammar School was caught sitting on the front row at a Test match at Old Trafford when he was off for some reason!

When I was teaching the Head closed the school early, 2pm instead of 3.15pm for 'staff training', many of the staff had tickets for see The Rolling Stones!