To dislike it when men post on mumsnet?

[N225NNW]

I find it annoying. Why can’t they use their own men’s websites? Of which there are many!

*Note I put a thread up like this last night. Then went to bed. When I woke up this morning, it had been deleted by MN. Not sure what went on there..

You know what also stifles debate? Picking out phrases people use to express themselves in an attempt to discredit them without the need to address their point.
My point remains the same whether I say 'double down' or 'stick with your original position in the light of an opposing argument', and as selecting one phrase or the other is entirely neutral in terms of the debate, perhaps we can focus on meaning rather than my choice of words?
As for language such as 'get it' its merely a way of saying 'understand'. In this case understand why some women don't want the type of male input I referenced. In my view those men are displaying a higher level of decency than those who don't understand. I was quite clear about that and didn't try to hide it behind my choice of language.
However, you might want to reflect on your own....Your choice of words to describe the 'independent and intelligent' women who agree with you, because that's not emotive, is it?
I actually don't want men to be banned from MN as it happens, even the nuisance ones, as I personally prefer challenging views I disagree with to trying to silence them. But I understand why many women feel differently.

'Get it' is not the language if identity politics. Its the language of experience.

Women who have lived experience of male pattern violence experience a discussion in a different way from men who are annoyed that men as a class are being spoken of in ways they don't like. Your theoretical opinion comes from a different place to theirs.

A man has taken over the thread. Never seen that before.

@5128gap ,

I don’t want to become a nuisance man dominating a thread on a mainly female forum, as I do get why people find that annoying, so this will be my last post for a while.

I was focusing on meaning rather than words.

To explain further, I don’t like ‘doubling down’ as it suggests that trying to justify or further elucidate one’s view is a bad thing. No one ever says ‘you doubled down brilliantly’, do they? It is a closing phrase; it kind of means ‘shut the fuck up if you know what’s good for you’.

And the bit I don’t like in ‘get it’ is the ‘it’, which is here vague and amorphous. I assume it to mean that men can’t understand why women feel the way they do. Again it is ‘lived experience’ vs empirical evidence. I think men and women can both have opinions on all of the human experience. In any event, I think if you say to someone that they don’t get it that you should explain clearly what the ‘it’ is.

And, as for the handmaiden term, I am often on the opposite side of the argument! I just think it is a horrid dismissive (and misogynistic) term. I do try to read and take in opinions, even if I strongly disagree, and do change my mind on issues (though it does take a while).

I actually like the fact that this is a female dominated forum with intelligent and strong women who support one another. A few men, however, adds rather than detracts from that (and yea, men and women can both be arseholes! The site has rules intended to exclude them, but it is the internet…).

It's so embarrassing that you think this is a clever response. It's many things, but "the language of identity politics" and "divisive" it really isn't. Do you just chuck out stuff like that and imagine it's a catch-all to refute any argument you don't like? Like so many posters do with "you're projecting"?

And then think you're the authority on lazy language and debate stifling?

Its not that you like intelligent, strong women. Its more that you only feel comfortable with a limited range of discussion.
Its not up to you to set the tone of the discussion. When women are processing trauma they don't speak perfectly. Its more important to let them speak and find their voice than it is to police the way they speak.

We lead by example; because the alternative is the same authoritarian bullshit they are dealing with within the broken relationship.

I'm a guy and I suppose it depends on the intent behind the post. I've always been of the understanding that I'm generally welcome here but I try to "stay in my lane". There are a lot of posts on here where any perspective is helpful and gender doesn't really matter so much whereas there are posts where that's clearly not the case and I tend to avoid sticking my nose in. I'm mostly here for the skincare posts and the AIBU forum. I know Mumsnet was originally a parenting forum for women but it's gone far beyond that so it's impossible to police who should and shouldn't be here.

I don't tend to advertise my gender when I contribute to posts unless I think it's relevant like in response to a "why do men..." type of thing or something similar. Even then, it's just my own views, I'm not here to speak for men or to be offended on behalf of my entire gender if I read things like "men are all pigs" from a woman who's just had a string of abusive relationships.

What really does make my cringe is seeing posts from men that are clearly coming from a place of "my woman is being unreasonable and I want other women to validate me" with a complete lack of self-awareness.

Right on the money. Take heed OP, for your own sake 🙄

😂😂 Are you a bad comedy script writer? If not, you should be. Take heed!!

@N225NNW No, just a concerned poster :) Poor lass

I agree that there are plenty of topics that arise time and time again, but there are frequently different angles to the discussions. Plus, for all we know, they too might be started by newcomers who haven't seen the previous threads.

Regardless of whether they are newbies or old hands, or if the same comments are made every time - thinking especially about some of the 'phrases that you hate' threads - I personally have no issue with anybody wanting a respectful discussion, a good-natured moan/laugh or looking for advice, as opposed to trying to tell the people that have been here for years that they are suddenly not welcome and never have been accepted, like a school bully would.

I think you misunderstood me: I am not denying the well-documented problem with certain grim men hanging around the Sex board - although I don't frequent that board myself, as I have nothing of interest really to ask or contribute - the issue is with those men being dirty pervs and not with their being male.

Is it really logical to say that you hate Phil, Steve, Matt and James participating normally in a thread about holidays, CFs, television, school catchment areas, supermarket issues etc., just because Brian has come on wanting to get a thrill by asking women what bra size they wear or if they've had a threesome, or whatever it is that they ask on there?

By the same token, are we saying that, because Sarah comes on and starts a nasty, goady, grossly misinformed thread about 'wasters on disability benefits' or victim-blames a woman who has been the victim of domestic abuse, because 'she should have chosen a better man' or 'maybe she nags him and drives him to it', we need to hate and blame Kate, Debbie, Lisa and Helen when they want to discuss fashion, rescue pets, estate agents, DIY tips, Legoland or whatever?

I'm going to disagree here. I don't think my male "perspective" is particularly appropriate in a discussion about how bad men are or how sexist society still is on a forum predominantly geared towards woman. Where is my lived experience in this? There would maybe be some specific points I could speak to but, generally, that's the type of things I'm staying out of unless I see a DAMN clear entry point for my perspective.

A discussion doesn't have to include absolutely everyone to avoid becoming an echo chamber, women make up 50% of the population and they aren't monolithic, their views and experiences are just as varied as the general population.

Generally, on discussion forums, people either actually address, discuss and debate against other viewpoints or, if they don't want to, they use their thumb or mouse to scroll on and ignore.

It's a very childish response to just plop with a put-down like you'd expect from kids at school, who think that saying "Yeah?! And your mum!!!!" is the best way of showing everybody how informed and wise they are.

The ironic thing is that the tone of your response reminded me exactly of one that you'd expect the specific kind of man you started the thread about (but extrapolated that to include ALL males) to come on and give: "Alright, calm down love, don't get hysterical - is it your time of the month or something?!"

Thanks babe / sir!

I think when men and women get pissed off online, they do generally tend towards different ways of expressing it. And I'm not saying women are always intelligent and reasonable about it, but when it comes to verbose pomposity... I do find that tends to be a man thing.

I think you're right. I'm well aware I'm no stranger to verbose pomposity at times myself, and have actually been asked on here if I was a man!

Now, this will be interesting. Because, as I mentioned earlier on here, when a man makes comments like yours, he's usually greeted by silence from the men with opposing views and the women who defend them. I've often wondered why this is, because say what you've said as a woman, and they'd be challenging you. Perhaps they will. But if as usual, they dont, I wonder if its because you're inconvenient, so best ignored, or whether they don't want to get into it with another man?

Oh they just get more and more tetchy as time goes by, as silly, or ‘moronic’ as a lovely pp says, women don’t agree with them. They’re not used to it. Then they use big words because they are really clever.

I just don’t think any of the men in my life would ever go on a website with Mums in the name, and ask questions or comment on a woman’s personal issue. For that reason, I question men who do and why they’re on here.

But what about the 95%+ of discussions on MN that have nothing to do with 'personal issues' - women's, men's, children's or people's in general?

You must know how massive a site MN is and how prominently it features in internet search results when you search for almost anything? And then, if you click into it (maybe without even seeing what the site is - much as people do within MN, when a thread appears in Active and myriad posters join in without noticing the specific context of Black MNers, MNers Without Children etc.), you enter the amazing, intriguing and all-encompassing worldwide community that is Mumsnet - and maybe never leave!

Your childish, mean-girl, stuck-record approach to anybody who disagrees with you on a discussion forum is tiresome in the extreme.

@SirAlfredSpatchcock
Oh dear. Your original post was full of sht. I don’t mind putting bits of it here again, since you insist on going on.

I can’t be bothered to answer it in much detail though, sorry about that.

I’m not ‘new’ 😂😂. I asked if AIBU to be annoyed by men posting on mumsnet.

‘Stating that 'men only ever hang around on the Sex board and/or say the same few things' is simply prejudice and lack of critical thinking skills shining thorough’

What Are you talking about. I’ve never been on the sex board (unless it came up on trending), I’d have no clue if aliens live there tbh.

‘Whichever sex you happen to be, do we not think that it's rude and arrogant in the extreme to join a 'club' as a newcomer and then suddenly start telling the existing 'members', some of whom have been there for maybe 20 years, which of them YOU reckon are no longer welcome and should leave?’

So incoherent, incorrect and childish. Deserving only a very short response. In fact I’m annoyed at myself now for entertaining this nonsense further.

‘As PPs have said, by all means start a female-exclusive web forum with whatever best method you can find to ensure that no males slip through the net - but don't be trying to hijack somebody else's longstanding and highly successful site and moaning that THEY (the site owners) are wrong in whom they allow to use THEIR site, because it happens not to be the site that you, as a newbie, initially hoped it might be.’

😂😂🙈 As above. Mind numbingly childish. Embarrassed for you.

😅😅 comedy gold "babe"

Totally agree babs. I don’t use it irl. Just to amuse myself on here.

This thread has now got very tiresome - but I still love you, N225NNW! 🥰

Just scrolling through and have seen "dick pandering" and "cool girl/wife" and I really hate that some women refer to other women in that way just because they happen to agree with a man or take a man's side in an argument. I'm a woman and I hate all this "menz" shit as if every man is a piece of shit and not entitled to have an opinion. I agree with a man and suddenly I'm labelled as a "not like other girls" or I'm only agreeing because I want men to like me better than the women who aren't cool lol I don't pander to any dick and whenever I see women say that I just think urgh you sound like a massive twat just trying to shut another woman up, which is ironic really isn't it considering that's what you accuse some men of doing. But ignore me because I have obviously only written this so I can get some cock 🤨