To dislike it when men post on mumsnet?

[N225NNW]

I find it annoying. Why can’t they use their own men’s websites? Of which there are many!

*Note I put a thread up like this last night. Then went to bed. When I woke up this morning, it had been deleted by MN. Not sure what went on there..

Yeah, what did you base that 'guess' on??

I think lots of the posts on here have agendas but as long as they are male hating ones it's fine by you I guess you don't have a son.

Oh ffs. Go back and read my posts fully.

I have a lovely 20 year old son who has a wonderful father, who is my partner. They don’t feel offended when I talk about some men being a problem because they know it doesn’t apply to them. They talk about problem men too.

They don’t feel offended when I talk about some men being a problem because they know it doesn’t apply to them
Well they would say and act accordingly round you wouldn't they.....

They would because it’s who they are.

I have seen my male partners good characteristics for over 25 years. I know what my partners work colleagues and female friends of many years think of him. I know he has spoken up when men have harassed women in bars instead of putting his head down and ignoring it. I know he has dropped friends who have been disrespectful to women and cheated on their wife. I know he has pulled his father up for being misogynistic despite it being awkward at the dinner table. I could give many more examples.

I know my son has good role models in his parents, I know that he has friends who are girls who trust him because of his morals and actions. I know how he treats his girlfriend and sister with respect and kindness. I know he has no interest in being a ‘blokey’ bloke.

Despite having these two men (and a few more) in my life who are decent, I still know many men who aren’t good, and that can be talked about without it offending decent men.

And yes, women can be awful too, but this thread is about men. Specifically men on mumsnet so maybe we should stick to the point.

That was to @GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight

Not quite sure how that would work when so many female posters use male names themselves.

The thread that was started yesterday (I don't know if it was this OP under a different username?) was begun by a (presumably female) poster calling herself Titus!

To pretty much repeat (and expand on) what I posted on the thread that got deleted yesterday (hoping and trusting that it wasn't my post that singlehandedly got it deleted)...

Anybody who starts a thread asking why/complaining about men posting on MN must surely be a newcomer. If they weren't, they would have seen the thousands of other regular posts about the exact same topic, most of which cover largely the same ground.

Considering that some regular posters have been on this site for a great many years (I'm a relative newbie of only 6 years) - and whilst the large majority of those users will happen to be female, there always have been a lot of men too.

Whichever sex you happen to be, do we not think that it's rude and arrogant in the extreme to join a 'club' as a newcomer and then suddenly start telling the existing 'members', some of whom have been there for maybe 20 years, which of them YOU reckon are no longer welcome and should leave?

As PPs have said, by all means start a female-exclusive web forum with whatever best method you can find to ensure that no males slip through the net - but don't be trying to hijack somebody else's longstanding and highly successful site and moaning that THEY (the site owners) are wrong in whom they allow to use THEIR site, because it happens not to be the site that you, as a newbie, initially hoped it might be.

Women without children;
Men with children;
Men without children;
Americans;
Irish people;
Australians;
Step-parents;
Mothers-in-Law;
Disabled people;
People on benefits;
Elderly people...

Posters from all of the above groups (and more) have, on various occasions, been viewed with unpleasant suspicion, othered and/or told (whether through bullying treatment, tacitly or right out) that the site is not for them. Like the owners of the site, I warmly embrace all of these, as long as they too are respectful when they post. By the same token, women with children who are not respectful are certainly not welcomed by either of us.

Yes, there are a lot of problem men on this site, just as there are a lot of problem women - quite probably many more, purely going on the user demographics and proportions. If they break the rules of the site, their posts are deleted and they will end up banned. Those who persist for whatever reason usually have their arses handed to them by the great many witty, intelligent and wise people on here.

Stating that 'men only ever hang around on the Sex board and/or say the same few things' is simply prejudice and lack of critical thinking skills shining thorough - as obviously, the vast majority of the men who engage respectfully and normally like everybody else will not be identifiable as men unless they happen to mention it - which I'm guessing most of them probably deliberately don't, owing to the huge amount of uncritical man-hating on here.

Anybody who starts a thread asking why/complaining about men posting on MN must surely be a newcomer.

I’ve used mumsnet for a very long time and I’ve seen long term posters ask questions on a variety of topics that have been asked many times before, so I don’t think your logic of only newcomers would ask this stands up. Sometimes seeing a problem time and time again prompts posters to bring up an issue, sometimes they haven’t seen a question asked before despite being on here for years. Lots of threads are ‘repeats’ of others.

I don’t think mumsnet should ban men, of even waste time trying to, but if you don’t think there’s a problem with grim men hanging around the sex board, you’re very much mistaken. There’s a thread over there somewhere, if it’s still there, detailing many of the problems men have caused on the board/the sorts of things they’ve done. Mumsnet refused to have a sex board for years, because they said it would attract a shed load of pervs and they were right. Before anyone gets offended, yes, I’m sure men post on the board who aren’t pervs.

Women want equality, access to men's clubs, boy's schools/university colleges, etc
So, if we want access to their stuff, they have to access ours...

Do we really?

You may not, many do.
But the principle remains

Mumsnet's aim is to 'make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support.' There are people on this website that have never wanted children so dads have more of a reason to be on Mumsnet. I know a few people who were raised by their dad.

@SirAlfredSpatchcock

😂😂

That was a lot of unsubstantiated, and untrue waffle.

Oh dear. Nevermind!

N225NNW · Yesterday 11:54

At a guess I’d says mumsnet is still 90% female posters. Of course, no one really knows.

OhHelloMiss · Yesterday 16:36

What the fuck are you basing that on!?

Plucked out of nowhere

😂😂 ‘at a guess’

You ok babe / sir?

But we don't want access to their toilets, changing rooms, support groups, conversations about issues unique to their sex, do we? We don't want to barge into a conversation men might be having about the pressures or challenges they feel as men in this situation or that braying 'Guys, woman here...! From my perspective you're actually wrong about your own life experience, and you should really be talking about that fact that loads of women are really lovely! And I'm going to keep interrupting you, repeating that until this becomes all about me!' Do we?

I just don’t think any of the men in my life would ever go on a website with Mums in the name, and ask questions or comment on a woman’s personal issue. For that reason, I question men who do and why they’re on here.

There is a man on a thread I’m following and he says he is doing what the OP’s husband is doing, and he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Of course, it’s good to get a balance, but the OP’s situation is pretty bad and I just thought, oh FFS, a man telling her it’s not an issue. If that was me, I wouldn’t want a man’s input to issues with my husband.

@HateWorkingFulltime ,

Are the men in your life so backward and sexist that the mere word Mum scares them off?

Most men discover here through parenting issues and then see that the discussion is intelligent and interesting.

I first posted here 14 years ago when my ex wife suggested it as useful when my first child had severe reflux.

I think it is sad to have such a sexist attitude to conversation. My best friends are at least 50% women, some of whom I have known close to 40 years. Luckily they just treat me as an equal friend and not as an alien species.

So, you're saying then that even those men we believe to be decent, the ones prepared to acknowledge that male behaviour is a problem for women, that women have the right to speak about it, and if the cap doesn't fit them, they need not wear it, even those men are only pretending to hold those views to decieve us? Or because they lack the spine to stand up to us? Because that's an exceptionally low opinion of men you hold if so.

Occasionally a man on MN will post saying pretty much this. I saw one a week or so ago where a man disagreed with the male defenders because of his own observations of men, and concern for the women in his life. He was completely ignored by them. Not a word from any of them to acknowledge his 'male perspective'. So I'm not surprised you struggle to accept not all men agree with you if the ones that don't are either ignored or accused of doing so to deceive.

So, you're saying then that even those men we believe to be decent, the ones prepared to acknowledge that male behaviour is a problem for women, that women have the right to speak about it, and if the cap doesn't fit them, they need not wear it, even those men are only pretending to hold those views to decieve us? Or because they lack the spine to stand up to us? Because that's an exceptionally low opinion of men you hold if so

Sorry if I wasn't clear, that's not my belief at all, I was just trying to appeal to that poster's sense of cognitive dissonance when it comes to men.

What do you think of the men who come on to threads about sexual harassment, rape and other forms of male violence to tell us that women are 'just as bad'? Or that we should be more careful about stressing we only mean some men because its hurtful for them otherwise? Because there a lot of defence on here of all these men who are just here to learn about nappies and how to best support their pregnant partners, when in reality, its obviously not this (rare and largely silent and invisible group) that prompted the OP. They may be the easiest to defend, but they are actually straw men.

The OP isn't about just banning or blocking the sex pests or trolls. It's about not wanting ANY men on this board.

Personally I think that there's a positive advantage to fathers posting here, as in addition to answers to their questions, they get an insight into the experiences of women, which hopefully will make them more empathetic.

@5128gap ,

The specifics really matter here.

If the thread has been started by someone who has recently had a bad experience and is looking for support, it is totally inappropriate.

If, on the other hand, it is a general thread about how ‘bad’ men are or how sexist society still is, it is totally reasonable to post an alternative perspective. That is what a discussion is, as opposed to an echo chamber. Social media (especially curated feeds) seem to be making people dislike debate, rather than welcoming polite and reasoned disagreement.

The thing is the men here, like the women, may come on for nappy advice but stay on for the more general discussions. Luckily I no longer need feeding advice for my strapping teens!

The OP isn't about just banning or blocking the sex pests or trolls. It's about not wanting ANY men on this board.

Does that matter when MNHQ has made it clear men can join and it would be completely impossible to stop them anyway?

I agree with you. However, I think 'the men who are just here to learn about parenting' have been doing a lot of the heavy lifting in this discussion. Very few of the threads on the high traffic boards include posts from men about parenting issues. Should I be concerned about my child's weight...? Should I let MIL babysit my new born...? Was it fair to exclude my DC from the class party...? I haven't seen a single person say 'man here' or want to offer a 'man's perspective' or indicate they are a father when those questions are asked or answered. Of course it will be argued that their sex isn't relevant in those threads so they dont disclose it, and if that's the case, no one is any the wiser and no one objects.

The objections from people like the OP are not inspired by all these invisible men asking about whether its OK to give their DD another dose of calpol. Yet much the same way as NAMALT works, we are pushing them to the fore rather than acknowledging and discussing the problem men who are spoiling the site for some women.