Instrumental teacher refusing to teach my child

[MairSS]

I just cannot believe the email I’ve just received from my child’s instrumental teacher!
DS has been receiving instrumental lessons at school for a couple of terms. The music teacher is freelance and therefore parents pay fees directly to her.
We pay up front each half term. She invoices us. I had overpaid by one lesson last time, and she had not realised this. I therefore sent her a message telling her to check her account. She immediately did and apologised saying she had not realised and adjusted the invoice accordingly. I wrote another message saying that in fact I always pay on time and didn’t appreciate getting messages saying I hadn’t paid when I had.
She then said on reflection it may be better if I found an alternative teacher as she doesn’t tolerate rudeness and reattached her terms and conditions!
surely she can’t do this? How unprofessional! I’ll be making an appointment to see the headteacher on Monday!

Please don't use 'Karen' as an insult. It's a woman's name and it's bad enough having to deal with male misogynistic attitudes without jumping on the bandwaggon ourselves.

Other than that, I entirely agree with you @Daphnis156

Your son is the kid with "that mum." He won't have any friends who come over, he won't be invited to any parties, because their mums have already dealt with your batshittery and refuse to have anything to do with you. Because of your behaviour, your son will be the one paying the price. I've seen this scenario many times when my kids were growing up.

i like the sound of this music teacher. it is so common now for teachers to be spoken to in a rude, disrespectful way and - unlike any other professional - we are expected to smile and accept it, and usually for the rest of the year too. its brilliant that she stood up for herself and you were forced to backtrack. it is as if you expected to be rude and for there to be no consequences.

I can't imagine why she has decided she doesn't want you as a client.

This is the first Mumsnet thread I've ever read where everyone replying 100% agreed with each other!

I expect the teacher has agreed to teach on Tuesday just so they can get their violin back

I imagine she's only agreed to Tuesday to get her violin back as you clearly were going to be difficult about it.

I wouldn't tolerate an obnoxious parent either. It was an oversight. Maybe take it as a lesson to check how you speak to people?

OP reading your responses you just sound like a ridicules person/some kind of youtube caricature for a 'Karen'. I have no investment in this and just reading how you yourself describe your own actions (which normally people do in a way to make it the most positive view) makes me hope that instructor holds their ground and cancels the lessons as it's awful when bullies get their own way.

She is not your inferior and I don't blame her at all for wanting nothing more to do with you. If I was spoken to like that at work I would walk too.

This is a bit mean. Yes, she has mishandled the situation badly but to label her the mum who'll blight her son's life is below the belt.

Not mean. It might be the helpful wake up call that the OP needs.

Sorry, it's not mean. It's the absolute truth. People with attitudes like the op's don't save that attitude just for music teachers. This behaviour translates into every relationship they have. If she doesn't do some massive self-reflection and take steps to not be so fucking ridiculous and entitled, her son will face consequences due to her actions.

Aw you sound delightful. I can't possibly think why she might not want to have to deal with you again.

I don't think you quite understand.

The professional music teacher who has been teaching your child, is under no obligation to continue to teach them. She has terms and conditions for people who wish to pay for lessons. You broke those. So, she isn't going to continue teaching your child.

It doesn't matter what's convenient for you or your child at this point. What matters is that you broke the terms and conditions. This is your mess-up, not the teacher's.

If you really, really want your child to continue music lessons with this particular teacher, then you'd better get to work on drafting an apology. A proper one. It might not be enough at this point, but you won't know unless you try.

Otherwise, you'll just need to find a new teacher and a new violin if that one is on loan from her. And try to be nicer to the next one.

btw

does anyone know how much a shared violin lesson at school is ?

and does anyone know how much a private violin lesson is ?

@Clarinet1 - did you know Dame Fanny? She was the most terrifying woman I ever met. Four foot nothing of sheer intimidation and will. I felt about eight years old and in trouble any time I was in her presence.

I’m paying £7 per group lesson (20 minutes) and going rate for 1-1 private lessons in my area is £16 (30 minutes) so you can see why I want to keep lessons in school!

Then send the music teacher a grovelling apology for your rudeness

What a shame that you didn't treat the teacher with courtesy then, isn't it.

And seriously? That's the amount of money you've made all this unnecessary fuss about?

Well you should have thought carefully about how you communicate with her!!

Your second email was unpleasant. Do you seriously go around pointing out people’s errors and expecting them to continue to provide a service? She has the right to withdraw her services if a relationship has broken down.

Your behaviour aside, is £7 for 20 minutes with multiple other beginner violinists really good value for money? Your son is going to sound like a strangled parrot for a decade at this rate. Surely you want better for little Tarquin?

Puzzling isn't it.

I do feel sorry for teachers, who are not self-employed and don't have the luxury to chose the parents. Can you imagine.

All this carry on you have started for £7 😂

Isn't it sad when rude and entitled parents ruin things for their kids! All the missed opportunities they have because of them. I really feel for OPs kids.