Would you cancel? Important family event including many over 80s. Host has woken up with Covid

[loveyouradvice]

Just that really - my partner, the host, has Covid.

We have 30 people coming to our house for an important family event today. All cooking and prep done. My partner central to it - big speech planned etc. (Not a birthday)

I am so out of the loop on how people are around Covid now

Two options
YABU - My partner - the host - isolates self having finished final prep
YANBU - Postpone event until Sept. Not worth risking over 80s getting Covid. Host is integral to event. Everyone more relaxed and just a shame this is how it is

Let everyone know and give them the choice whether to come or not?

Postpone
Even if they've had all their vaccinations, etc, still to risky in that age group.
I know that is disastrous for you after all the preparation, but freeze what you can and feed neighbours with the rest!

The over 80s will have recently had a covid vaccine so are less at risk.
I'm 77 and had my vaccine last week and I'd go to a celebration knowing someone had covid.

I think the latter personally - if it was younger folk I would give them the choice but I would be worried about the older contingent and would feel extremely guilty if they became very ill as a result.

Oh such a shame.

Personally I wouldn't go somewhere where there was known Covid (or anything infectious, flu/stomach bug etc) I don't have the time to be poorly atm and DH is immunosuppressed.

Sorry but I would cancel, especially if there are elderly there, it affects everyone so differently.

The risk here is you, effectively. He has covid and can isolate away from everyone, but you could be carrying and spreading it. You might not but your guests are potentially very vulnerable. I think you need to contact everyone, tell them he'll isolate but that you're still a contact. Some don't come but I'd be willing to bet a lot still will. You have to give them the choice.

Let people make their own choices

Tell him to keep away from people as much as he can.
Host outside if possible
Good hand hygiene etc.

Let everyone know, ventilate all rooms well, no hugs from him, ensure he keeps away from anyone particularly vulnerable, he could wear a mask.

Its likely a lot of us have had covid in the last year or so but most aren’t testing. He’s unlikely to be the only person there with a viral infection.

Another option ... Just have small lunch for MIL with key relatives always an option. Partner feels fine ....

Why's he testing can I ask? Especially if he feels fine ?

Yes, tested as had sore throat on waking .... Now doesnt have...

I would postpone. If you give people a choice they will feel out on the spot and feel guilty if they don't go.
Even if fully vaccinated can make you pretty ill. I'm only just ok 5 weeks after covid.

I think most people roll the dice with going out and about and maybe catching it because they’ve no idea if there’s any actual risk but the difference here is you KNOW he’s positive, so you need to inform people and give them a chance to make a choice.

People react so differently and I wouldn’t want it on my conscience if they didn’t have any idea of the risk, got seriously ill/ died from complications at that age - or any age tbh, we lost a friend in the first wave of covid. She was only early 40s, previously long distance runner, fit and healthy etc, you just have no idea how people respond to it.

Likely because he’s hosting a large event today with many vulnerable 80 year olds in attendance - it’s right there in the OP.

Postpone it, OP.

Covid hasn't changed. It's the same illness as it was in 2020 and elderly people are at very high risk of becoming extremely unwell with it, potentially in irreversible ways with long Covid etc.

Personally I could not live with that on my conscience if an elderly person became very unwell at an event that I refused to postpone, even though I knew this might happen.

I would not be comfortable giving people the choice because I know that people would be reckless and attend anyway, putting themselves and others at risk - and some may be doing it from a sense of social obligation.

I would simply make the decision for them and postpone the event.

Postpone. That’s why he took the test surely?

Tell everyone, he isolates. Those who still wish to come, come for a smaller / less formal meal with you (quite a big deal for many of the 80 years olds I know to be invited anywhere and they may still like to come even if they won’t see your DH)

But rearrange main event with speech etc for September.

I know it's unlikely that anyone will die if they catch it, but most people will still have a miserable week or two.
My DH has it at the moment and he is self-isolating in the house, so I don't catch it. Some people think we are bonkers for doing this, but I have bo desire to feel shit and lose my sense of taste again.

Not to mention that long covid is still a possibility

We've had this and we asked all of the attendees. The elderly ones were the most vocal in saying yes, continue (we could be dead next week - or words to that effect!). The isolating person stayed away from the group (i.e. they were upstairs and we were down), but otherwise all continued.

Tell people. Let them decide if they want to risk it or not. The older ones will be vaccinated. Your DP can wear a mask and keep social distance (provided they feel well enough to host.)

This is exactly why I wouldn't ask them in the first place, I would just make the decision for them and postpone.

People are always full of bravado before they actually come down with Covid (potentially long Covid) and become very unwell.

There is also some social pressure to carry on and not to care - but some people might quietly feel uncomfortable.

This is just my two cents but as the host I think it's your responsibility to make the decision, not palm it off to your guests.

I'd be really angry to come along only to catch covid and then find out I could have avoided the event and stayed healthy!

Covid still is really knackering people out. I had it for weeks. Long covid is awful

You have to tell them OP.

If you have then the choice, and say one person caught it and died or was hospitalised as the have underlying health conditions and were really sick, would you feel bad? Damn right you would.

Phone round and see if they'd be ok with postponing. It seems sensible.

I would go ahead but tell everyone so they can decide whether to attend. COVID is everywhere and we all know that so I'm sure 95% will not worry,band the ones who have to will be disappointed but understanding.

Yes, this has been my experience with lots of elderly people around covid. Many of them found the lack of social contact excruciating and would have gladly taken the risk. But everyone took that choice away from them and insisted they saw nobody. A miserable and lonely existence is no existence at all. I bet you many of the elderly guests will still want to come @loveyouradvice

You seem determined to go ahead. All you can do is let your guests know. Let them make their own choice. Anything else is deceitful.

I know people aren't dying from it anymore, but people are still pretty miserable with it. Give people the option of deciding if your event is worth the possibility of a week feeling shitty.