MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

[Newmum288]

Which offends me! I had a c-section. My daughter was born. She still has a birthday. If I didn’t birth her, how the heck is she here?!

YABU - a c-section isn’t “giving birth”
YANBU - a c-section is still “giving birth”

I'd rather have a live baby/mother than a 'proper' birth.

She needs to count to 10, maybe more, before coming out with daft/upsetting notions.

What's the difference?

You had a baby so you gave birth surely? Regardless of how it was born. I think your MIL is an idiot, I’d ignore her.

I work in obstetrics. I hear the term "normal delivery" every single day.

SVD = spontaneous vaginal delivery

SVD is used formally in medical records. "normal delivery" is used informally by staff.

Very insensitive. Even if it’s all about semantics to her.

It's semantics mostly. I can see where she's coming from with elective sections but if there is a medical reason for the section it's just a horrible thing to say! If it's an emergency c section you have laboured as far as I'm concerned. I've had vaginal delivery and an emergency c section and both were horrible- if I ever have another child I will have an elective c section to avoid the hell that is maternity care for labouring women in this country and I think it's valid to say I won't be giving birth that time but it's still major surgery it's not like you hop skip jump out of there a couple hours later without time for healing

I had what was described as an "emergency section" without ever have having a labour pain. I wasn't in labour. I wasn't anywhere near being in labour. My baby's heart rate wasn't great, so out he came.

He was my first and even though I was so grateful that he was ok, I did feel a little like I'd "cheated". I wasn't beating myself up over it though, as I said, I was just relieved to have a healthy baby at the end of it. After having the section I had 3 VBACs. One almost became my second section. Again heart rate dropping and baby was tiring. I honestly didn't care how he was born so long as he was.

But I do get "you didn't give birth" train of thought. I thought it myself.

My CS babies were born (birthed even) but I don't see myself as having been involved in the 'giving' part, in the way I do with the baby I had vaginally. That includes the very long labour which ended in cs at 9cm.

I am their biological mother, which is, by and large, what 'birth mother' is a euphemism for.

I didn't think you were being rude 😀

Your mother in law is a fool. The end.

Giving birth by definition is baby being pushed along birthing canal.

A C-section is just that - a c-section. The baby is being born and has a birthday, but you are not giving birth by definition.

I don't see what the issue is. Either way a baby is born. I wouldn't get offended over it.

My horrible sister went a step further and told me I wasn’t a real mum because I had to have an emergency C-section.
Some people are just spiteful and like to push buttons, ignore your MIL.

Bloody rude. Some people have a nerve to say things like that. Your dp should be telling her to shut up.

I don't feel like I "gave birth" when I had my c section. I laboured then had surgery and my baby was safely delivered, but when I hear the phrase "give birth" I think of a vaginal delivery.

Sorry, but an ignorant and offensive mentality about her own birth? Am I picking this up right? A pp said she felt she hadn't given birth because she had a CS and you said she had an ignorant and offensive mentality? Am I missing something?

Because women are conditioned to.

C section is having a baby and pv birth is giving birth. They're clearly quite different but all that matters is a safely delivered baby

@Darkdiamond no, you're not missing anything. Others must question and undermine people's own experiences, and force you to agree. We've had misogyny thrown in, as always.

I don't know what people don't get. I feel it can be summed up by:

I gave birth, but I didn't give birth.

There's honestly no reason for some people to be so aggressive in their views. You'd think some posters were suggesting c-section patients be imprisoned - rather than using slightly different terminology!

Honestly I was sure I'd picked that up wrong as it was so bizarre. I don't feel like I gave birth to my Cs babies and have totally neutral emotions about it. It's all down to interpretation of the language and for me, it doesn't sit right for me to say it. For others, it might feel fine. Give birth, didn't give birth, who cares! Obviously the MIL in the OP was wrong but being told you DID give birth when you don't feel like you did is also annoying and invalidating.

I think it's really unhealthy for people to get caught up in the wording of what it means to give birth. All that matters is that mother and baby are safe and well after delivery (whatever mode of delivery!). There is so much toxicity around birth. I attended an antenatal course that was obsessed with a 'natural' delivery and I remember it almost being a competition after the babies arrived as to who had done it with the least intervention and the least pain relief. I found it weird and toxic. Then of course there is also the toxicity and competition around how everyone is feeding their baby. I lost interest in antenatal meet-ups pretty quickly because of all this. OP, you did what was best to ensure the safety of you and your baby, that is all that matters.

I think she thinks the phrase 'giving birth' refers to the physical activity. It is weird if she cares how a child was born. You should not.

She's talking bullshit and I would be telling her so. Of course a c-section is giving birth.

I've had two vaginal births and one c-section. I would still say that I gave birth three times and I couldn't give a single shit what anyone else thinks.

"Well then mil, I didn't give birth so there's child for you to see, so politely, fuck off!"

There has been a campaign to use the term “caesarean birth” for exactly this reason.

that’s why the NHS website uses the term “caesarean birth” alongside “caesarean section”.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/caesarean-section/

I can understand how a c section is still having/delivering a baby but actual "giving birth" does imply vaginal delivery to me, c section is more passive (I had a c section BTW). I think this is one of those where it's easy to take things personally/the wrong way if they touch a bit of a nerve. Bit like the ff warning on the thread yesterday. 💖