MIL thinks having c-section isn’t “giving birth”

[Newmum288]

Which offends me! I had a c-section. My daughter was born. She still has a birthday. If I didn’t birth her, how the heck is she here?!

YABU - a c-section isn’t “giving birth”
YANBU - a c-section is still “giving birth”

No I don't get it. I wish I had problems like this.

If the MIL actually said something nasty (like the examples I gave), absolutely. That's not how it comes across on the OP. At all.

Imagine undermining another woman's birth experience so you can feel superior

"When a woman or female animal gives birth, she produces a baby or young animal from her body"

Imagine undermining another woman's birth experience so you can feel superior

Sorry, you jumped the gun on this one. You told a random person to fuck off because you disagreed with their polite comment, that had nothing to do with you.

Chill. It's not that deep.

@Maddie212

No I don't get it.

That's a shame. It's not hard really. Very simply.

Telling a woman who has given birth via c section that in your opinion she hasn't given birth because you have a 'different idea' about things is considered by many to be rude, offensive and can be upsetting.

It's not nice or polite to be rude, offensive or to upset people.

You don't need to understand that but if you don't want to be a dick then do t do it.

I had a c section, I do still consider it a birth and I've only had 1 child so I can't compare whether it was easier or harder, but I don't think it's always the hardest option.

I genuinely had very little pain. My friend who has had 3 c sections has struggled with all of them, so I'd got myself worked up in a frenzy about how it was going to be absolutely horrible recovering, especially as our house was a 3 storey town house so all stairs.

It felt like I'd probably done an ab workout for the first time in years, but that was the extent of it for me.

I think some women who have vaginal births would have taken a longer time to recover.

All this waffle just to say all births are valid births, but if any ones reading this and is terrified of an upcoming c section, don't be. Pain might be inevitable but it isn't always unmanageable or always uncomfortable.

Never had a c section but I've always viewed it as the harder way to give birth. Cutting through my entire tummy to gain access to the baby. They don't do c sections for no reason most of the time so you have made the tricky decision to do what is best for your baby even if it means you will be left in more pain.

It's a silly notion but I can see where the idea comes from. Even in obstetrics terms a section will be called a section. A vaginal delivery will be referenced as a "normal delivery".

No, a straightforward vaginal delivery is referred to as an SVD. Which stands for a spontaneous vertex delivery. You can also have assisted breech, or a Venteuse or forceps delivery with the type of forceps specified.

I associate 'giving birth' with a vaginal birth. C-section is more 'delivered'. I've had both by the way.

I suspect this is not the only way to undermine you

unfortunately the only way to deal with it is to grey rock her. stop caring what she thinks

Well you have a very ignorant and offensive mentality then.

You are judging a woman as lesser because she had a medical reason for not pushing a baby out of her fanny. Why?

Why is it so important to distinguish between the two? To feel superior?

I have no idea if the technical term ‘giving birth’ is incorrect when it comes to a c-section. I don’t know why it matters because it’s just semantics.

You were pregnant and brought a baby into the world via <insert scientific term>.

It all just feeds into the ‘mum guilt’ BS where we’ve been told we have to feel bad if we didn’t do X Y Z. Don’t feed the trolls by actually feeling bad!

Well this is a projection of a post if ever I saw one

@VeterinaryCareAssistant has absolutely NOT made out other women to be lesser. At all. You’ve made it up. If YOU feel that way that’s absolutely about how you feel about your child’s birth and nothing to do with anyone else.

The language of childbirth is entrenched with misogynist concepts of failure.

Why do women insist on reinforcing them?

I disagree

Why are you giving this silly woman headspace?

Ask your MIL why the terminology matters. She has a healthy grandchild is all that matters.

YANBU, I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to think that C-sections are the easy way out and that vaginal births are superior and I think it’s appalling. Birth is birth, you delivered a baby regardless of how they came out and they shouldn’t be compared.

I've had two c-sections and I don't say I gave birth because to me, I do think of "birthing" as the active act of pushing a baby out.

I've no idea if I'm right or not and have only very rarely felt in anyway judged by anyone who knows me - if the subject comes up, I doubt very much most of the people I know know how I gave birth - and on those occasions it was always by someone who I thought was a little lacking intellectually.

Tbh my sections were very easy and credit to those that went down the other route, they have my respect for going through that.

But no, I don't feel inferior and I'm relieved to have been spared some of the nastier long-term issues they've suffered.

But no, I don't feel inferior and I'm relieved to have been spared some of the nastier long-term issues they've suffered.

@blue345 I get that. I had an almost 10lb baby and I'm petite. I was bloody glad of that c-section in the end (EMCS, after getting to 10cm dilated, after a 5 day induction). The relief.

Obviously the woman has 'given birth' but it's not strictly what people think of when they hear that phrase. We're not all robots who adhere to the exact dictionary definitions.

It may not be what you think, but, if it is what we used to call the natural child of the mother, then we assume she has given birth regardless of how it happened. These days, we even refer to birth mothers to distinguish between them from adoptive or stepmothers etc.

Thought that idea went out with Macduff in 'Macbeth'! And in Shakespeare's time could perhaps be sadly explained by the fact that C-sections then were almost always performed only in a last-ditch attempt to save the baby when the mother had died. Of course a C-section is giving birth!

I’ve had a vaginal birth and a c-section. I’ve given birth twice.

MIL is ridiculous.

Some people do think that.

I had a total stranger tell me I 'hadn't given birth' at a dinner party when DS was a few months old (I wasn't talking about anything birth-related, someone else who was pregnant asked me what hospital I'd given birth in, and I'd just said the name of the hospital), and this woman leaned across the table and said 'I'd just like to point out that you didn't in fact 'give birth' as though she were correcting me about the earth being flat. I was so taken aback I just stared at her blankly and said 'What did you say?' and someone else who was slightly tiddled said 'Give it a rest, X, we know your greatest achievement was shoving a baby out of your vagina'.