To wonder what’s the point when I’m left with this after bills?

[ReLOa]

In a stressful job and single parent to nursery age child. I have 570 left after all bills and childcare and petrol, excluding food. What is the actual point in this?! We can’t do much at weekends and holidays are out of the question. I’m supposedly in a highly paid job (earn 70k) and I feel like giving up. Just been paid and looking ahead at the month I’ve already had to turn down some things like an adventure park day with friends as it was 28 pounds entry and a 35 mile round trip. I feel like I’m failing yet not sure what more I can possibly do?!

Which is why I and others asked the OP to show what they are spending, as £1700 after nursery and mortgage is far more than most manage on, hence my question is there something else that is above what others pay.

Then there's £110 child benefit a month to add to that.

You're getting a hard time on here OP, but as someone who will never earn 70k, I agree with you that £570 to cover food for 2ppl and all luxuries doesn't seem loads.

It may be more than others get but it's not a race to the bottom. On 70k a year, you're not wrong to think you should be able to afford a day trip with your friends and the truth of the matter is even if you had an average earning partner you'd be in a much better position so I do empathise with how hard it is to be a single parent.

But nursery years are not forever so as tight as it is now, that's the reason to keep going. In a couple of years, youll be best part of £1600 a month better off and be able to enjoy lots of days out so try to think long term.

@Bibi12 I know, but it sounds like OP is fine with bills. I was addressing her specific concerns in the OP about not being able to do days out and holidays, and feeling like she's failing because of it.

Being a single parent and paying all of the bills by yourself is incredibly difficult.

People forget how things like the mortgage/rent and nursery fees would literally be half if it was a two parent family.

But there is not much you can do about it.
You just have to get through the nursery stage and then if you’re still struggling consider moving somewhere cheaper but I think you’ll be fine once the nursery fees are gone.

It is unfair and I completely get why you’d feel the way you do but you are doing a great job and you just need to keep pushing through.

@Ithinktomyselfwhatawonderfulworld how?! Washing powder, bubble bath, nappies, wipes, dishwasher tablets… that’s already the best part of 40 quid a week?

I don't think she'll get child benefit on £70k?

I get it OP, you have a pretty huge salary and not much left over, relative to your salary. But, once nursery is over, you will be so much better off than most people.

Hang in there, it's not forever.

It’s shit OP but once your child is out of nursery you’ll be significantly better off

Where are you shopping?! 🙈maybe you need to slum it at Aldi or Lidl 😂 I don’t think bubble bath is a weekly necessity…

The OP though is not struggling to pay the bills and is just annoyed about not doing an adventure park day out with a nursery-age child. So suggesting a picnic is totally appropriate.

OP - it’ll get easier. Make sure DC’s other parent is paying maintenance your DC is entitled to.

Do you buy all those things EVERY week?

Maybe you’re just a bit fed up with being a single parent and all the responsibility that goes with it? It sounds like you just wish you could have a bit more fun and “you” time. Maybe try and connect with some other single mums and grow a bit of a mutual childcare network so you get some free time? You may not be able to do lots of expensive activities but just a trip to the cinema or a cheap dinner out occasionally might give you a lift? It won’t always be like this.

Tax free childcare?

I think you're making bad decisions is you're only on £26k.

But that's disingenuous. I have a partner and 3 kids and don't buy washing powder, bubble bath or dishwasher tablets each week. More like once a month if that!

Bubble bath is a luxury and isn't required. Washing powder will last for ages.

My weekly shop for 5 people is on average £100/wk. Granted we dont eat much meat.

It's tight now, but in a year when you can get funding it will be better and then when they start school, you'll be laughing.

Most people have to sacrifice in the early years, it's normal. Cut your cloth and look forward to brighter days ahead.

Jeez I have literally nothing left. In my bank at the moment I have £19. My phone bill isn't even paid. I've had to set up a "promise to pay" double next month. And I have to get my shopping on my dad's credit card that I will pay back next month too. I'd feel like I'm rich if I had over £500 left over after everything is paid 🤣 I work in the NHS too and single mum to a teen.

People do get the equivalent of £70k on PAYE.

Where is the child maintenance from the father of your child?

Yeah I'm not sure that amounts to the difference in 2 x 35k salaries compared to 1 x 70k salary. I've just put it into a tax calculator and it works out about an extra £500 a month because there is no 40% tax, and 2 personal allowances not 1.

Thats before you factor in that a couple on 35k each would get child benefit so another 100 ish a month. Not to mention that between 2 of you there is more options to cover some childcare needs etc.

A lot of food comes in bulk which makes it harder for 1 adult....I hated this when I was single, fruit and veg etc, not designed for 1 person a lot of time.

I am in a couple but absolutely not naive to how hard it is financially to be single. I think ppl hear 70k and are jealous but as someone up thread said, it's the equivalent of a couple earning 30k each (not 35k because of the tax) - no one would think they were rolling in it if paying for childcare.

Your figures are definitely wrong. There's no way OP is bringing home 4200 per month unless she's not contributing to a pension or her tax rate is wrong. You've also not considered fuel, gas, water, electric, car maintenance/lease, insurance, broadband. Why are you jumping down her throat when she's clearly stressed and looking for support? OP also mentions a stressful job. Being a single parent in a stressful job and unable to see even half your paycheck each month due to bills will be stressful on anyone.

OP please remember that after nursery is done your position will improve dramatically. I know that might not feel great now, but it's definitely worth reminding yourself of it.
In the meantime, is there anything you can do about the stressful work? Go to another company? A sideways move within the same one?
I saw someone mentioned putting small bits of money aside each month for different things. I think that's a great idea. How about putting £25 aside each month and saving it for a spa day?

I don't think it's just for food. I imagine it's for miscellaneous items as well. Eg currently my bathroom is leaking so I need to pay a plumber.
So I think it's manageable but tight just because things always go wrong! It's short term only though.

Also can’t understand why people are clutching to the £900 as being entire household etc cost. It is shit to be in a stressful job and not be able to afford any kind of holiday ever and worry about not being able to build a buffer for boiler breakdowns etc

I’m a single parent to two teens, earning 30k.

It sucks I know. However the beauty is that this is not forever. Childcare costs are not forever. Treading water for a bit.

Hi OP are you claiming your 30 free hours? And your tax free childcare?

Are you claiming child support from the father if your not you should.

I want to say hang on in there, when they go to school life will be alot easier. I know it seems a long way off but it flies by.

I dunno. I'm on 35k a year and a lone parent and I had about the same as you left over every month. Got a bit of universal credit but even that didn't take my income to anywhere near 70k a year. Rent £950, childcare £1500, one holiday a year. OK, I'm very frugal, but you must be able to cut back somewhere.