To wonder what’s the point when I’m left with this after bills?

[ReLOa]

In a stressful job and single parent to nursery age child. I have 570 left after all bills and childcare and petrol, excluding food. What is the actual point in this?! We can’t do much at weekends and holidays are out of the question. I’m supposedly in a highly paid job (earn 70k) and I feel like giving up. Just been paid and looking ahead at the month I’ve already had to turn down some things like an adventure park day with friends as it was 28 pounds entry and a 35 mile round trip. I feel like I’m failing yet not sure what more I can possibly do?!

You’re being disingenuous because very obviously OP would be in a much better position if she lived with a partner who worked full-time - even just splitting the monthly mortgage repayment. Yes, the utility bills would be higher than what she’s paying now but not by much - again they’d be split. It’s very draining, financially and emotionally, when all of those bills are on you.

Yeah I get it but at 70k she's working in demanding job that probably took a lot of effort to get into. I think it's natural for her to feel a bit disheartened?

I come from country where childcare is heavily subsided and treated as important part of infrastructure. Women just keep their jobs and their salaries and its great for equality, economy and productivity. It's like that everywhere in Europe.

We need to stop normalising UK astronomical childcare costs and stop telling women they should be happy they are not starving when they earn great salary and pay a lot of taxes.
The problem is not women's attitude or their lack of budgeting skills. The problem lies with the system.

£570 wouldn't even cover our monthly food bill as a family of 3, nevermind everything else besides. It absolutely is not "loads"

Washing powder is £5ish for 2 weeks worth, bubble bath £1 which lasts a couple of weeks, nappies £4 per jumbo pack if you’re not fussy about using pampers, wipes 60p per pack, dishwasher tablets £4 a pack again lasts a good couple of weeks. That’s £10ish for the week being generous. We have a 3 year old and a baby so very used to the costs of young children. We formula feed too and still get the weekly shopping in under £100 a week for 2 adults and 2 kids.

I’d love to have a mortgage I have £120 left over after bills and spend £1400 in rent! I’d love to own a house but will never happen. I think a lot of people are in a similar position just have to cut back where you can.

Wow there's a lot of green eyed people here who only extend empathy to those on lower incomes. Higher earning professionals, in stressful jobs, who are also single parents, according to Mumsnet should just shut up 🤷

I think that’s rude.

Thats an average salary and a good salary for most parts of the country.

I’m sure if that poster was in a position to earn more then she would.

No where near as rude as the poster who went out of her way to kick the boot into a woman struggling. It’s about time these posters were called out with like for like comments.

Nappies are £5, wipes are 65p a pack, washing tablets are £10 but last a month, dishwasher tablets again 10 but last a month, bubble bath is £3 and lasts a month

I can't believe the lack of sensitivity on here tbh.... I want to say your doing fantastic, your buying a house as a single parent, your raising child and paying for everything they need. The nursery fees are extortionate but not forever. I don't know how old your child is but you fall within the pay limit for 30 hours free childcare, and I believe the tax free childcare your definitely entitled to so that will be over £360 a month towards your childcare. Just open a childcare account.

You've worked hard to get where you are in your Job, keep going because of that. Taking time out can mean it's hard to get back in down the line. Well done for working hard and being successful in life. This will pay off so well for you when your kids are all grown up.

I believe the tax free childcare your definitely entitled to so that will be over £360 a month towards your childcare.

Tax free childcare is £500 every 3 months max. Definitely worth doing if OP isn't already, but not £360 a month.

If you think you'll have more than £570 on benefits, go for it. You'll need to give up your home ownership though as you won't get money for the mortgage. Enjoy renting in the current climate. Then you'll have all day free to spend the thousands of pounds you think you'll get.

You are spending much more than the ‘average’ 3-person family on food, in that case.

I think the point is you are progressing in your career (even if it might not feel like it) and setting yourself up for a better future whilst covering extortionate nursery fees BUT only for a very temporary period of max 2-3 years.

Are you claiming everything you should be - child maintenance, child benefit, funded childcare and tax free childcare? £1,600 is HUGE so seems like you might not be??

Can you reduce any bills? Buy DC clothes from Vinted. You can go with minimal new clothes for a couple of years??

Have you looked into doing bank account switches? Really easy and can earn a few hundred - would pay for a few nice days out?

Can you put aside enough for one day out a month? It’s not much but it’s only temporary.

In 2 years time you’ll have an extra £1,600 a month (plus potential pay rises), you’ll have the lifestyle you want then!! It’s worth sticking it out!!!

Oh dear , poor you !

Many many posters have sympathised with the OP that it feels shit in the expensive nursery years. Of course she’s not unreasonable to feel disheartened. But that wasn’t your original point and so not what I was replying to.

Yes, it’d be nice if childcare was more subsidised. But in this country apparently we don’t like to vote for tax increases. So there’s no money for it.

I really hate when people on these threads say "why aren't you getting child maintenance?"

BECAUSE MEN CAN GET AWAY WITH NOT PAYING IT.

how?! Washing powder, bubble bath, nappies, wipes, dishwasher tablets… that’s already the best part of 40 quid a week?

No way would that be £40 a week. Even if was using a dishwasher wouldn't be essential for two people and bubble bath isn't a necessity.

How much are you using daily that you need to buy washing powder, bubble bath and dishwasher tablets every week? Nappies and baby wipes, I feel your pain but look at Mama brand on Amazon. Subscribe and you save even more, box of baby wipes will last you ages.

It won’t be forever OP, in a few years you may find your wages have gone up and your bills have fallen substantially. It is shit though, it’s supposed to be a comfortable wage and you shouldn’t have to think twice about a day out. But it’s not forever, it will get better.

I completely understand! When you work in a stressful full time job you need r&r. £570 / month is not enough for that. It’s just not. It doesn’t pay to work in this country. Have you thought about using your skills to take up employment abroad ?

The UK has this tall daisy mentality. People hate to see others doing well. Want to see them suffer like they do.

Go to a webpage advertising jobs in the Middle East, you won’t believe the packages on offer.

Where are you getting nappies from that cost £5 a week? Even when we were on shops own brand, it cost more than £10 a week for my twins.

As a single parent of one you really don't need to spend £40 a week on that stuff. Wash dishes by hand, there can't be that many with only 2 of you. A big bottle of Fairy liquid lasts me 3-4 weeks and costs £3. Bubble bath is a luxury not a necessity. Supermarket brand wipes are less than a quid.

I agree with you. I’m a single parent to a four year old and I cannot get my weekly shop below £100. Ignoring the fact that I’m vegan and he isn’t - if you take into consideration cleaning items, toilet roll, laundry, shampoo conditioner etc. Then foods for each meal and snacks and drinks. Then if you have pets, taking that into account. I see people say they feed a family of 5+ on £50 a week and think, are they solely eating pasta and cheese for every meal and wiping their bum on a leaf.

Only if they don't work. It can be taken from their wages otherwise. Regardless that's just one option. She has access to other help aswell hopefully she can use some of the childcare help available to her.