To wonder what’s the point when I’m left with this after bills?

[ReLOa]

In a stressful job and single parent to nursery age child. I have 570 left after all bills and childcare and petrol, excluding food. What is the actual point in this?! We can’t do much at weekends and holidays are out of the question. I’m supposedly in a highly paid job (earn 70k) and I feel like giving up. Just been paid and looking ahead at the month I’ve already had to turn down some things like an adventure park day with friends as it was 28 pounds entry and a 35 mile round trip. I feel like I’m failing yet not sure what more I can possibly do?!

God can people not let someone have a moan and a rant. Maybe @ReLOa is having a bad day/week. The feelings are valid! @ReLOa im a new single parent on just over 40k and although I have no childcare I have a high rent. I have savings of quite a bit and yet I still worry. It’s ok to worry and despair. I hope you see the light soon.

No she earns over the child benefit threshold and as you say legally any father doesn't have to pay nursery fees at all.

She hasn't mentioned a father and potentially that would be a way to increase income if she isn't receiving maintenance.

You have to view childcare as a temporary evil.

I earn less than half what you do, but I have about £1000 per month disposable income because I have no childcare costs any more. It doesn't last forever.

God can people not let someone have a moan and a rant

Apparently not, unless you’re poor but of course someone who is poor in the UK is still rich vs other parts of the world so basically no one can ever moan.

£70k is the same as a couple each earning £30.5k. Suddenly people wouldn't call you a high earning household then....

But anyways OP, the point is you are buying a house that in the future you will own. The childcare bill is only temporary and that's what's crippling you. You're in a very fortunate position as far as being a single parent goes, as most single parents can't afford to run all of what you do without a second wage.

It would take me over 3 years to make your annual salary.

Give your head a shake and put your life into perspective.

Gently, OP, you're being ridiculous. You are not failing because you can't afford a day at an adventure park. You own a home, you're paying your bills, and you're feeding your child. I'm sure you can find plenty of free/cheap stuff to do at weekends - a nursery aged child does not need expensive days out.
Stop comparing yourself to your friends.

Well, the point is to pay your bills so that your child is looked after and you have a roof over your heads, in a house you can keep warm and dry, with enough to eat. If you didn’t have that income, you wouldn't have the things you do.

Your child is at nursery, they don’t need an adventure park day and will not remember it.
Get out to the local park with a picnic they will have just as much fun.

It would take me over 3 years to make your annual salary.

isn’t that below minimum wage?

I think what probably feels hard OP is that before DC you were used to a lot more disposable income so it made work feel more like it was worth it. I would say the point now is that you’re paying into your mortgage and you’re keeping going in a career which are both long term goals. What’s the alternative really? Don’t work and then you can’t pay into a mortgage and you don’t have a career to go back to when nursery fees are no longer a concern?
Im confused though even with the high nursery and mortgage where does everything else go as the numbers don’t really add up

It's a push during the nursery years but if you stick through it then your childcare costs reduce, you've been in the role and progressing so your salary may increase and then you'll find yourself with much more disposable income.

This kind of feels a bit goady

OP, it might be hard now, but it should be for a set period of time until DC is out of childcare and at school.

It's hard but you have to grit your teeth and get through it. You are playing the long game. I have been there as a single parent with no income and a £700 mortgage. I had to work hard and build my business up to a full time income. Things were tight for a while, caravan holidays, hardly any clothes for myself, no haircuts etc.

You have a house, an asset that you are paying for.

Things might be tight for a while but that is life for a lot of people unfortunately. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself, but you need to be proactive and look at ways of saving money.

Download the MSE budget planner and enter everything on there that you spend out in a month and also enter annual costs like birthdays and events etc. Look at what is essential, what is needed and which is neither, which makes it a luxury and therefore can go. Can you switch to own brands for anything, can you buy less of anything. Allow yourself a couple of treats obviously.

You don't need clothes every month and if DC does as they grow, they can be bought cheaply in supermarkets and Primark etc.

You should be able to afford a day out.

Is it?!

I'm not sure which benefits would allow a sum as high as that after rent and bills — except medium or higher rate disability benefits with PIP, in which case the money has to go on extra expenses necessitated by the disability, and has to stretch to long term costs rather than, in the OP's case, about two years followed by much higher income to look forward to.

Sounds like OP is finding it very stressful and it can feel it just isn't worth it when you're working so hard, doing everything alone and exhausted. It will get easier, OP, in time. Would cutting work hours be a possibility if it's stressful, or would that leave you worse off?

😂😂😂 you think someone earning minimum wage is likely to be better off than someone on 70k? People are delusional.

We saved for nursery fees before starting a family (back in the day when you had no free 2 or 3 year old entitlement, & I know nursery was cheaper then, but I had saved 2 years salary before tax & DH had saved similar)

Yes

In the financial year ending (FYE) 2022, median household income in the UK before taxes and benefits was £35,000, increasing to £38,100 after taxes and benefits.

so £70k (even with the 40% tax over 50k) is more than most families.

Blimey, I'd be made up if I had £570 left AFTER all the bills and childcare AND petrol. Where's it going, it can't all be on food. Even if you spent £100 a week on food, which is more than I do for myself & teenager, you've got well over £100 left over for treats etc...

The cost of living is really high and it's impacting on people with all income levels.

The nursery years and early years of a mortgage are particularly tough. Hopefully childcare costs will reduce and you will start to build up equity. I hope you also are building up a pension. It's delayed gratification I suppose. Hopefully 10-20 years down the line you will really feel better off.

In the short term, survival is the point. A warm dry home, transport, food etc are what you are working to provide.

Childcare is expensive but the flipside is you are presumably providing your child with an environment that is designdd around their needs and staffed by people trained in child development. That's quite a thing to do.

It's tough running a household on a single salary. I can understand how you are feeling. If my dc was still in full time childcare, I would have to give up work due to living costs. I earn roughly £20k less than you and my mortgage is also £900. Thankfully I only have to pay for wrap around care now. I've had to cut back on everything but as soon as I've paid off some debts (11 months and counting) I will be in a better position. Things I've cut back on:

Tv: I cancelled my sky contract and now watch freeview and I've subscribed to Disney+ and Netflix. At least I know I can cancel these without notice if I need to.
Broadband: the cheapest package possible
Mobile phone: changed to Sim only £8 a month contract once my phone was paid off.
Car insurance: pay annually and save a few pounds each month to pay for it (although this years increase was a massive shock)
Food purchases: Plan carefully and stick to it plus either click and collect or online shopping so you can keep a closer eye on your spending OR the easiest way is to pay in cash. I take out my weekly allowance and I can see what I'm actually spending/have left in my purse.
Child's clothes/ birthday etc: I have a savings account to pay small amounts into to pay for these things.
Cancel anything that isn't essential.
Elec/gas bills: ask provider to reduce direct debits with the agreement that you will pay back anything owed as soon as you can. Tell them you are a single parent as they do understand it makes a difference when paying for childcare.

Of course it is possible. You are being ridiculous.
Am now beginning to think you are just being goady rather than tone deaf.

Families up and down the Country manage week in, week out. Many of them without the prospect of being much better off within a year or two and certainly without the prospect of owning their own home in 25 years.

£70k is the same as a couple each earning £30.5k. Suddenly people wouldn't call you a high earning household then....

Except that is just her income.
There will also be the income from the child's father. Plus Council Tax discount.

It's not the same as two people earning 35k though because of the tax thresholds and child benefit threshold. It's much more beneficial to have 2 people earning 35k than one earning 70k from a tax efficiency perspective.

OP's figures might include pension contributions as well (yes obviously she could stop these for a bit).

I forgot to say that you are not letting your child down by not going to lots of expensive places. Day trips to the beach, a woodland, the park, a picnic. Spending time together in any free way is what they need not you stressing about money. I work term times so I am trying to put some money aside for a couple of more expensive days out in the summer hols but we won't be having a holiday as school holidays are too expensive.