DP bought us a house without telling me

[Sevensummers]

I have been with DP for 10 years. He didn’t have a place at the time but he had a van which he was living out of. I was a single mother of 3 when I met him and lived in a Johnnie Johnson house (housing association). DP moved in with me pretty much instantly. I always wanted to own my own home but being single with 3 kids didn’t leave me much room money wise and never seemed possible.

It was something that we spoke about from time to time but after 10 years together I realised he was never going to commit to buying a house with me and just left it. Long story short, I found out he has bought a house. I was so angry because I thought he bought it for himself as a plan to get away from me and has just been using me for a place to live until he has somewhere of his own. I felt so hurt that we had spoken about buying a house and he has just got one for himself. I confronted him about it and he said it’s for us both to live in and he didn’t want to tell me because he wanted to save me the stress of looking for a house and putting in offers and getting outbid and being disappointed, and all of the stress that comes with the buying process.

I don’t believe him because it’s only his name on all of the documents. This would not be our house it would be his. He wants me to come but then I would just be living in his house. I would have to give up the housing that I have now which is a three bedroom in a nice area and move into his house. I am very very hurt and feel so betrayed that he has done this behind my back. The thing is, I can’t afford to live on my own anymore. My two youngest still live with me so I would Aldo be uprooting them from their home, to his. His income pays for a lot of bills so if I tell him I’m not moving in, I honestly don’t know how I’ll afford to live. But I don’t feel like I can give up all that I have to move in with him when he’s been so sneaky and dishonest. I am really feeling heartbroken

Very dodgy! I imagine only a millionaire would buy someone a house as a surprise and even then it would have your name on the deeds.
If he wanted to be with you there is no way he would risk buying a home that you may not be willing to move to.
If he planned on it belonging to both of you your name would be on the deeds.
If he wanted you to move in there with him he would have told you before you found the paperwork.
Is the house not ready to move into? Sounds like he is telling you what you want to hear for now.
In my opinion its only realistically 1 of 2 things, either this house has been bought as he is preparing to leave you or it has been bought so that you give up your HA house and are under his control in his house.
You've made it clear you already depend on him financially, depending on him for a roof over your head too is going to leave you in a risky position and he will know that.
Do not leave your home!

Do not leave your own home!
He’s very cleverly bought a house in his name only which means he owns it outright. That means if you were to move in with him and eventually split up with him, you’ll get nothing from the house as it’s all in his name.
Neither should you believe he’ll add your name to the deeds once you move in. Because he won’t, and you’ll have given up your own place and will be homeless!
Harden your heart and stay put.
He’s used you abominably. 😞

@AlcoholSwab He is a cocklodger - he doesn't pay most of the bills (forgive me if I missed OP saying he does) - he just pays for food and car insurance I believe. Presumably he pays no housing cost / rent, which for most people is our largest outgoing each month. So he's totally benefiting from living on OP's council house - proof being he's saved up enough to buy a house

You'd be better off taking in lodgers if you can than giving up your home. You will have no rights, no protection, and never get a house like that again. You can't trust him. He has behaved terribly sneakily ... sponging off of you and secretly buying a house in only his name.

Even if he puts your name on this house, you have limited rights as a cohabiting partner in the event of a split, if he's paid for it, AFAIK.

It's infantilizing. Frankly he sounds like a controlling kind of man who wants to treat a grown woman 'like a princess', which I find a creepy thing. Who does he think he is, whisking you away like some kind of Cinderella? And then you lose your secure tenancy? No way should you give up your independence to be 'kept'.

I'm honestly speechless on your behalf op

You're right not to trust him.
Check the car’s registration document to see if it’s in your name. If it is it’s your car.

This isn't true. Registered owner doesn't equal registered keeper. If he can prove he paid for the car, it's his, regardless of whose name is on the log book.

@greenpolarbear what are you on about? who said anything about benefit fraud? :S She hasnt even said she is on benefits so thats a big judgement

@greenpolarbear Also they already live together so no fraud happening, its simply either he moves out or they continue living together and he just rents out his property ( which yes you are allowed to do if living in a HA property as it isnt her house.), not sure what part of my comment was hard to understand.

Obviously it affects any means tested benefits you might receive, like Housing Benefit/UC for children (entitlement changes if you are living as a couple), but as long as the rent is being paid in full, I don't think you are forbidden from doing this,

@CestLaVie123 You can earn whatever in most cases, for example we have a woman working in our government earning over 150k a year and she lives in a council house in london, heard its a lovely place -_- I dont agree with it

Absolutely don't move out of your HA it's very shady what he's done. You will probably be more entitled to universal credit and other help when he moves out.

Of course, although you have to declare all the people living with you, the incomes of any occupants are irrelevant. Social housing is called "social" because the rent goes towards a social good — affordable housing — rather than to private individuals to profit from. The tenancies are usually lifelong rather than short-term, otherwise it's a contract like any other tenancy.

@Sevensummers He’s thinking of his house as being his and his alone.

If it was genuinely for both of you, you’d have had a chance of being on deeds.

But it’s probably best that he had his place, and you yours- I’d never want a man getting his feet under the table in my house!

Housing associations are good things to have
I bet he wants you to move in to his and rent the HA out privately ( I know of cases where that’s happened).

"What an absolutely wonderful investment opportunity! Obviously it would not financially benefit me or my children's future by moving into the property so how do we go about changing it all to a buy to let? Shall we create a joint savings account so we can both reap the rewards? I'm so excited about how this will secure our family's pension/future etc."

Watch his face drop when he realises that you can see what he's up to but can turn it round too.

And whilst he's still sneaking around, do your own sneaking and find out how you can get your benefits changed so you can financially support yourself and your family without him.

He's using you op.

He's used your house as soon as you started dating yo move in with you .
He's not paid his fair share which has enabled him to save up and buy his own home.
He wouldn't marry you, but kept you dangling
Hasn't put you on the deeds.
Is using the deeds to blackmail you into moving in with him.

Don't give up your house. If at all possible cut your cloth accordingly to remain in the house, look up universal credits and benefits

If not, get married and move in. It automatically becomes the marital home.
50/50

No, it does not. It becomes the marital home, and she will have an equitable interest after a short while, but it will not be 50%.
They are not his kids. She did not contribute to buy the house.
The courts do not award you 50% of a home purchased by your spouse on the day you wed, wether you are on the deeds or not. It would take some time for you to build up your financial interest in the property.
Don't take legal advice from random posters. See a solicitor.

@AlcoholSwab One of us is misreading the OP’s posts. She says:

my wage only just covers bills. His pays for food shopping and he pays for my car for me as well.

I read that to mean that she’s covering the rent and ALL the household bills like council tax, utilities, etc. ; he’s covering food and car insurance.

Which is definitely a contribution, but she can probably manage if she’s eligible for some help and she cuts right back.

Who's named as owner of your car?

Like all the messages have said don't make the mistake and give up your house, even if your moving to a nicer home, you will always be worried he may kick you out, he also may change his mind about placing you on the deed, and even if he did he may not give you half and if push comes to shove, you may not be able to afford another home. The housing association or council may also not house you again as you have given up your home, making yourself intentionally homeless.

I really hope his home ownership has been declared because you could have a fraud bill on your hands as well.

Blimey OP, you're better off getting food from a foodbank than staying a moment longer with this cocklodger. I doubt you'll have to resort to that, but my point is, you'll work something out eventually and conquer your finances but keeping this man in your house for even a day longer seems to be taking its toll on you.

You don't need to gloat over her misfortune or kick her when she's down.

There's no fraud involved. If you mean because OP lives in social housing, there's no fraud there, as the tenancy is OP's and the house is not hers. Even if the house were in her name, it might be fine. My own social housing tenancy terms wouldn't be broken if I were to buy a home, as long as I my main home remained the one I rent.

Do not give up your family home to live in his house where you will have no rights if he decides to end things - or you do.