Changing the bed linen in between guests staying over

[userloadsofnumbers]

I am going to try and write this as factually as possible. We have a lot of people staying over for various reasons. Partner A thinks the bed linen needs to be washed in between every guest, even if they've just slept in the bed for one night/a few hours. Partner B thinks that is unnecessary and doesn't have to be done every time.

Partner A also feels the house should be generally tidied before guests come over - stuff put away, surfaces wiped, plates/cups etc in the dishwasher instead of piled high next to the sink. Again, Partner B disagrees.

Partner A thinks 99% of people think like they do. Partner B says their parents and sister agree with them so Partner A is the weird one and has issues surrounding guests visiting.

So - who is being unreasonable?

Poll: YANBU - if you agree with Partner A
YABU - if you agree with Partner B

yes my male husband and I have discussed this before. He also agrees with partner A and thinks used sheets are revolting

It would 1000000% need changed.
If you're having guests in quick succession, just have a second clean set ready and waiting to go on so you're not waiting for the used set to be washed and dried.

@Branwells77 Why isn’t the kitchen clean and tidy in the first place and the Bathroom should always be clean too.

Although I definitely would change sheets, this is the sort of comment that drives me mad about these cleanliness threads. Can posters not conceive that people’s lives are busy and their homes are lived in? Things aren’t spick and span all the time.

Always change bedding between guests even if they have only stayed one night. I wouldn't want to sleep in the same bedding as someone else especially someone I might not know! The only time I don't change the guest bedding is if I know the same person is staying again. We have had a friend stay for 3 weekends on the trot (one night each weekend) so I haven't changed it in between visits. If someone unexpectedly stayed in between I would definitely change it.

I don’t understand why someone would ask this question. I’m surprised that anyone might consider providing a bed that does not have clean sheets.

Our living standards are so very high today. Someone on here said she grew up among poor people who never changed sheets for guests and never thought anything of it. Now she is aware of the issue, though, and does change them herself. However, pretty much everybody felt like her family until the modem era. Now our sensibilities are a lot more delicate. Once you’ve experienced clean sheets and hot showers, and had the idea put in your head that you’re dirty if you don’t have them, it’s hard to go backwards.

Also, when you find yourself responsible for running a household you find your thoughts taken up by minutiae which hadn’t crossed your mind before. In my early twenties I rented a flat for a year and didn’t change my sheets once. It didn’t bother me in the slightest until I took them off the bed at the end and noticed they were visibly dirty. Even nowadays I change my own sheets very infrequently (despite being clean myself and my house being clean) because I find the smell and look just stay the same after the first one (possibly two) days of freshness have worn off, and it’s a very tedious job. However, I would always give a guest fresh sheets because that’s what I would like myself. There have been exceptions in various permutations of teenagers staying the night to go clubbing. I consider that my children’s job and nobody seems to notice or care so that’s fine by me.

When I hear about someone who doesn’t care about having clean sheets, and even has the ebullience to imagine others feel the same, my immediate reaction isn’t just “ew, gross”. I also admire them. Our obsession with cleanliness - our ever-improving living standards - is completely bound up with the increasing amount of energy we use and the problems of climate change. How wonderful to be free from that need! And how wonderful to be free from niggling thoughts about creating the perfect clean environment. There are so many better things to think about - keeping a clean house can be a millstone around your neck if you let it.

However, I also understand that a guest who valued clean sheets highly would be taken aback to be the victim of this attitude. I would probably be disappointed myself to be given used sheets, although I expect I would go with the flow and not let it bother me, unless there was a real stink on the pillow.

The standard rule for health is that you don't come.into contact with bodily fluids and secretions from other people. Swear, hair, flaked skin - all on those sheets. Yuk!

Yikes. I can't even put my head on dh pillow at the thought of drool lol. Utterly grim thought if not changing bedding

No one at all freaks out about sitting on a train! I'd also lie down and sleep on airport and train seats with no fuss if I had to.

But those are obviously not as clean and nice as my actual bed, and it's hospitality to try to offer your guest something closer to their home than a dirty train station. Of course if I had to sleep in a dirty public place I would, but I don't want to view my friend's home like that.

I'd happily sleep in my friend's actual bed as well (that she'd slept in) but with a guest room bed the previous person could have be anyone, eg overweight shedding man.

Wonder what happens when you share a bed with your DP every night then?

Your DH as in the man you have sex with? 🤔

I recently stayed with a friend, and on the day before I was leaving, asked her what she would like me to do with the bedding. She said "Oh just make the bed, I only wash the bedding after about ten nights use". ....

I read the options wrong and accidentally voted for partner b 🙈 I definitely agree with partner A!!

This. I had to put YABU since generally I think Partner B is right about the state of the house, but the state of the house is not the same as the state of the guest bed. If there is anything that makes your house non-functional, eg, a big pile of stuff in the hallway where an average person could not walk through normally without squeezing by precariously (and the people in the house have gotten so used to it they don't notice it anymore) then move that. And change the bedsheets. But you don't need every surface free of the tiniest bit of clutter, that's ridiculous. You certainly don't need to not have any daily washing up etc. If you have time and energy, and it makes you feel happier to do it (note I did not say if it makes you feel you will be more acceptable to your guests, I mean genuinely happier), then tidy up and run the vacuum round. Wouldn't even occur to me to make sure all the dishes are finished, because the dishes are never finished, you just need to make sure there are enough clean ones when you need them. But change the bedding.

Gross. Of course they need to be changed. I agree with you partner A.

Bedding definitely needs changing between guests and my partner agrees.

If he has lots of guests staying a short time just get them to bring bedding so you don’t have loads to wash.

They should be changed.

Don't think it's any different than staying in a B&B, wouldn't want to sleep in sheets that someone previously had slept in.

Keeping kitchen clean, wiping working tops should be the norm, not just for guests!

I totally agree with you, but my husband would too. In fact he is more OTT than me in that I thought it would be fine for my son to sleep in his bed after his cousin had slept in it with fresh sheets, but my husband felt they should be changed again for my son. That meant 2 bed changes in 24 hours!

Yes, and the constant use of the word 'should' in connection with people's choices about housekeeping.

Housekeeping has nothing to do with morality. There is no 'should'. It's advisable not to let mold grow on things but otherwise it's just about how people prefer to balance their time / tidyness trade off.

I wouldn’t want to sleep in hotel bedding that a previous guest slept in and the same goes for my house guests. And yes absolutley the place should be tidy and clean when they arrive.

Yes of course, but all in good reason, we had guests who barely slept for 5 hrs with a plane to catch so changed pillowcases and bottom sheet. Frankly my cleaner is better used on other things, their bathrooms etc .. a wonderful thank you letter from Washington so they clearly appreciated the effort and yes, there was a lot of pan washing up!

THIS WITH BELLS ON

Just asked DH as per the Ops request. I am in Team A change the bedlinen always.

DH can be unbothered by social niceties and the main people we host for weekends and things are his male friends. Who are also largely unbothered by social niceties. For some sort of context, I am in my 50s and DH is 70 and we live in a touristy area which has various fucking tedious sporting and music festivals so alot of our guests are sloshed older men who need somewhere to crash for the night.

He said; 'Um... yes? The default is always yes to change bedlinen! have you seen some of my friends? maybe it's different- are women cleaner? Um.... always yes. New bedlinen. It's revolting otherwise'.

I have very low standards for cleanliness, but washing bed linen between guests is an absolute red line for me. Maybe kids could be an exception in extreme circumstances but it's grim.