Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

[DontCheetoTheCheetah]

Disclaimer: I dont have kids and dont want them so prepared to accept my POV might be odd but...

...Just read a thread where a woman was talking about disputing maintenance costs with her ex and mentioned he never has his kids overnight, adding that its his choice.

Why wouldn't you just force them to have their kids? Im think if I were a mum I'd quite like to have half my time to just chill and have some downtime without my children? Or is it that when you have kids you cant bear to be wthout them?

Well.. simply put - I wouldn't allow my kids to be in a house so filthy rats have moved in. The cesspit hasn't been emptied since I left nearly two years ago and the house has been untouched since! One already refuses to go there and the other goes but won't use the bathroom because of cobwebs and the stench.. he normally lasts 4 hours every other weekend. I'm saddened by his sorry state but he's no longer my concern since not to mention a cheating c*nt!

😂😂😂

You are very naïve.
Don't get me wrong, it's nice. Sweet. I remember when I still thought most people were basically good.

Sadly, forcing parents to take care of their children will only lead to more child abuse and child neglect.

Parents who love their children and want the best for them are already in their lives, doing everything they can.

You force someone to take care of their child and they are going to feel angry and resentful.

Do you want an angry and resentful adult taking care of a child they don't want to take care of?

I don't.

You think they'll step up? Be good parents because the law says they have to have them 50% of the time?

They won't.

They'll do the bare minimum, and likely be nasty about it, and their child will grow up knowing they were not wanted.

Children deserve better than that.

Mate, the courts arent even convicting enough rapists. How high up the agenda do you think feckless parents are going to go?

Like knock a door run 😳

You can't just make up laws willy nilly.

When new laws are put in place that does not mean that 100% of people will immediately start following them - it doesn't work like that.

Therefore when new laws are considered the legislators have to consider very carefully the unintended consequences of that law. For example, consider why, currently, the intended behaviour is not happening. (Hint, it's not usually "because people can't be bothered" and yet that's pretty much the only one which is changed by a law).

Well in my case, because their father is emotionally immature and cannot cope with his children for more than a few hours.

50/50 would be horrific for the children, much much worse than when we were still living together.

I'm also happily child free, but I don't think you can force this, sometimes you can't force the dads to even pay decent maintenance.

@TwattyMcFuckFace
Awesome username....x

Pretty sure 1000’s of Fathers would like to too.

Sadly you just cannot force someone to be a parent if they don’t want to parent. You could try and force them to have their children a certain amount of the time but the quality of that care is going to be shit if they don’t want to do it. And the kids know, you can tell when your parent is disinterested or resentful. That’s harder in some ways than just being with one parent most or all of the time.

Also I think anyone who thinks this sounds in any way a reasonable idea ought to read this (with a warning that the content is distressing, but important).

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/evidence-hub-nineteen-child-homicides/?_gl=129dv7d_upMQ.._gaMjExMDE5NjQxMy4xNzE3MTY5OTY1_ga_C8H9JGBD77*MTcxNzE2OTk2My4xLjEuMTcxNzE3MDAzNi4wLjAuMA..

I'm not divorced but from volunteering for a DV charity , many men actually go to court, get 50 50 and then never bother, the court doesn't force them but comes down hard on mums that don't make the kids available l.

I've known mum's be accused of alienation no matter how much they toe the line.

It's a shitty system

😁 I've got a mental picture of my ex husband in prison, made me chuckle!

It is not in the best interests of the children to force them onto a parent who doesn't want to look after them. You can't make a parent parent.

My ex has our kids EOW and a bit more in the holidays. I'm not sure how I would force him to have them more as he's at his girlfriend's house most of the time when he's not looking after the kids. I can't exactly drop them at her house can I, when I don't know where she lives 😂

I don’t know if things have changed over the years but my DH went through hell with his EW who wouldn’t allow him to see his son. Went to court over and over and she’d comply for a while but then pull him again. We didn’t get to take him on holiday until he was a teenager, she even forged DH’s signature to change his name. It was horrendous. We never gave up on him.
She started kicking him out as he became a teenager and he lived with us on & off. We have a brilliant relationship with him now in his mid twenties.

Why on earth would anyone force a man to look after their children when the adult doesn’t want to?
Poor children clearly at a higher risk in such a situation, regardless of what the law says.

I don’t think you still get it! Thankfully it’s not my/our situation but if you love you children you’re never going to leave them with someone who doesn’t care for them appropriately regardless of what the law says. When you’re a good parent you do what’s in the interest of your children regardless.

So if a man is an absent he gets sent to jail where he still won’t pay for them and still won’t see them but will take up space in a jail using public money? Here is Scotland prisons are so overcrowded they are having to release some prisoners early so I don’t see how this policy would help anyone, especially not the children.

My brother is an absent parent to all bar one of his children and he couldn’t care less tbh because he is an entitled arsehole (and of course it’s all the DC’s mothers fault naturally). I can’t envisage anything that could happen that would make him care for those DC and why would their Mothers want to force their child with someone who doesn’t give a shit about them?

Sorry, I still don't understand.

Disclaimer: I dont have kids and dont want them

Yeah you probably should have left the Topic there OP

😂😂 my ex laughed and said no way when my daughter suggested living with him. Apparently he has to work so couldn’t possibly do 50/50 never mind his social life. Yes I know! 🙄 He is a better very part time dad now then when we were together and that’s better for the kids. My home is their home and they know who has stepped up
when necessary…

If they were useless as a parent when you were there living with them, why would you ever want to leave your child alone with them?

how can you force them??

also it is damaging for your child to spend 50% of the time with someone who was forced and doesn’t want them, sometimes it’s even dangerous

Having marriage issues at the mo. 😔
I'm guessing OP, it's because men who have affairs and leave/bail tend to do so because they want freedom from domesticity so unsurprisingly turn into slippery little eels when it comes to deciding custody arrangements.
Having said that, I do know a lovely guy who has 50/50 but he only has one child and pretty sure his marriage broke down due to him and his wife having incompatible personalities, rather than one or other getting itchy feet.