Why don't women with kids force the dads to have them 50% of time?

[DontCheetoTheCheetah]

Disclaimer: I dont have kids and dont want them so prepared to accept my POV might be odd but...

...Just read a thread where a woman was talking about disputing maintenance costs with her ex and mentioned he never has his kids overnight, adding that its his choice.

Why wouldn't you just force them to have their kids? Im think if I were a mum I'd quite like to have half my time to just chill and have some downtime without my children? Or is it that when you have kids you cant bear to be wthout them?

Stupid is as stupid does.

There are laws in the UK to imprison NRPs who fail to pay child support. It's just too much like work for child maintenance to enforce.

Funnily enough I couldn't get my husband to look after the kids when he was actually living with them. I really can't imagine him having them to make my life easier or to be a loving father. The problem is you don't know what a man is going to be like as a father until you have children with him. Then it's too late.

How about parents in the army/who work away?

Are they neglectful too?

Such an offensive comment that minimized something as serious as neglect for which children have DIED and talks about messing with the already overstretched departments trying to save those lives.

Children require ONE responsible guardian, that person does not need to even be a parent or blood... if one person is looking after them well then they are NOT neglected.

You know some women even choose to have kids alone right? I also have a friend who was a lesbian so no 'dad' involved at all.

On top of that I have unfortunately know a few women who left relationships for abuse (one who was left with brain damage from being beaten so badly and another that even involved him raping his own pre-teen child)... should they be forced to share 50/50? I mean hes the dad so he should right, the mam deserves a few days off, who cares about safety of the child.

The world is not black and white.

Because most mothers don't shove their kids where they aren't wanted

ExH was a serving member of the Royal Navy....not sure I could have forced him to have DD when he was ,y'know halfway, across the Atlantic but you know best OP 🙄

.... because they care about their children and do not want them forced into a situation where they feel unwanted and where they might not be treated well.

Why on earth would you force your kids to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them and will most probably neglect them?

Also, not all mums are desperate for time away from their kids. I am off work this week for half term and my son (6) was unexpectedly invited on a trip to the theatre with his best friend. He’s been gone 5 hours and I miss him loads! Unless I have loads to do, I always miss him when I am not with him.

@DontCheetoTheCheetah you are 100% correct in all your posts.

They get away with it because there’s no legal requirement for them to be a parent. After a woman gives birth she is automatically on the birth certificate and would be charged with neglect if she left her child.

My child’s father refuses to have our child ever on his own. Why don’t I leave them with him? Because he doesn’t have any bed or food or clothes etc at his home for our child, and I wouldn’t want to put dc through that. He’s an utter lowlife.

If the dads are sent to prison, they aren’t going to see their kids at all and they certainly aren’t going to be able to contribute financially.

CMS have the powers. There’s just zero political will for them to use them

Not being neglected. They are with their Mum.

How on earth are you going to force someone to look after their children? As a mum I'd never let my children go unless they were wanted, if I had to try and force someone to have them that didn't want them I couldn't be sure they'd be looked after properly which would be unacceptable.

The prisons are full, there'd be no room for all the delinquent dad's 🤷‍♀️

@LifeExperience

We have all those laws. The CMS have those powers. They can remove passports, driving licenses, they can even force the sale of property to pay off what is owed. They just don’t. And every time our politicians are petitioned to discuss it in parliament, they say it’s already a settled matter as these things have already been granted. But they don’t actually push for them to be used. The CMS won’t use them. They’ll even drag their feet at setting up a deduction from earning order (to take the payment direct from their wages before they even get them).

In a nutshell, because their priority is their child's welfare and they know that the father will either make them unwelcome, make himself unavailable or neglect them. You might be able to force someone to have children in their home by simply dropping them and walking away, but you can't force them to care for them, and who would gamble with their children to make a point?

🤣 oh dear Op. Spoken by someone who doesn’t have kids….. ring the bell and run 🤣.

Have you never heard on the news what happens to children left with carers who don't want to care for them?

a) because... you can't force another adult to do anything
b) because why would you want your children to spend half their lives with someone who has to be forced to see them, even if it were possible
c) because most normal non-shit parents want to be with their children, not without them. Shared care is a necessary result of a split relationship, not a desirable end in itself.

So you’ve answered your own question then haven’t you: mothers can’t force absent fathers to have the children 50% of the time.

Ha. My ex doesn't want to see our child at all. How can I force him to?

Also, I wasn't going to leave my child in the care of someone who didn't want to look after him just so I could get some time to myself. In an ideal world, my ex would be an involved and caring parent, but he's not, so I have to be all of that for DS.

I've done it all by myself, and DS is now 16 so I have plenty of opportunities for time to myself while he's with friends, etc. And I'm proud of myself for doing it alone and proud of DS for how he's turned out, and my ex has nothing to be proud of and has to live with being a selfish fucker all his life.

Read some of the threads about bad dads (or worse). Think about someone who has repeatedly treated wives or partners badly, such as Donald Trump or Boris Johnson.

Would you want to inflict any child (or indeed adult) with them?

I've not read the full thread, only the OP's posts but you can't just go making law for something like this.
Luckily, I get on well with my ex and our DS is happy. We don't have anything court ordered in place and we're both very flexible. However, my ex live on the other side of London and ds goes to school here so 50/50 wouldn't work and if it was a law then my ex would be in trouble or I'd be trouble for not sending my child to school because he's at his dad's.

But on the flip side, would you, as a child, have appreciated being dropped off at someone's house when they obviously don't want anything to do with you? How horrid would that be?

I speak for myself, but as a mother, I'd never just drop my ds off at his father's if his father made no effort to call, pay maintenance etc. Why would I put my son in that situation when I can have him here with me where he's loved, safe, fed, comfortable etc?

I know lots of parents really do need to step their game up when it comes to parenting but that's not on the child to achieve by being left on their doorstep.

OK some men are crap. Let's get that out of the way first. But sometimes it's not actually best for the children. Some children want a base and to be near friends, school etc. Having a 50/50 home can be disruptive to a child.
Also some women don't want their child to be away 50% of the time. It's not always down to the dad being awkward

Wow aren't you are charmer OP🙄