MIL has bought a forward facing seat for 2 year old?

[Elisabeth3468]

I want to start by saying my son is 2 and is rear facing and has a specialised seat that rear faces up to 25kg. I plan on keeping him rear facing until he grows out of the weight/height limit which will probably be aged 5. I know how much safer it is.
My MIL knows how I feel about rear facing and I've provided her with all the facts and information but she doesn't seem to listen or want to know any better? That's fine because he never goes in her car anyway as she hasn't had a seat.
Until the other day she turns up and has bought him a forward facing only seat, brand new. It was off a colleague so highly discounted so she paid next to nothing but still it's forward facing and does rear face at all.
She keeps saying it's fine to forward face at his age etc. but she knows why I choose to rear face.
I feel really awkward now and I don't want my son to go in that seat.
I can't understand why she's done it. My mum has a car seat for my son and it's the same as ours and she's taken on board that the safest is to rear face.
I said to MIL I will buy a seat for her car if she wants one. She rarely looks after him anyway so confused why she's bought a seat.
AIBU?
What shall I say to her? I feel like she thinks I'm ungrateful.

So confused by people saying about the lack of stimulation rear facing. How much more stimulation do you get forward facing??
They can still look out of the window, talk to us, listen to music, see us (in the mirrors), talk to their sibling who is also rear facing 🤷‍♀️my two year old has never known any different and is perfectly happy in the car.

Oh my goodness how terrifying for you. This is what would worry me about not being able to see my child.

They don’t get cramped legs - their hip and their pelvis is not fully developed yet.

They don’t have a lack of stimulation - ERF seats are higher up, so they can see more looking out the back window and the sides than they can in a forward facing seat.

They aren’t isolated - mirrors exist.

There is no increased chance of car sickness with rear facing, and a child having carsickness doesn’t mean they shouldn’t rear face.

Mirrors exist. @EnglishBluebell should have used one.

Definitely stick to your guns ☺️ A two year old is far too young to be forward facing. It’s just not worth the risk and if anything happened you wouldn’t forgive yourself.

My 5.5 year old still rear faces and prefers it to forward facing. We will have to change him soon due to baby #3 arriving but otherwise I would keep in the car seat till he grew out of it.

Best of luck x

So she's definitely taken it funny I can tell In her response but she said she will give the seat to a family member (her nephew is having a baby). She also went on to say she doesn't want to buy a rear facing one as she doesn't think it's worth it. Even though we are having another baby so it could possibly be worth it if she has my son more or the baby when they are older. Either way that's fine with me. Offered to buy a rear facing one myself for her if she does feel like she needs one. I sent her the YouTube video on rear facing but I highly doubt she will watch it.

She doesn't think it's worth it? Hmm. I wonder what other things she will decide are not worth it even though there is a significant health/safety element. This comment would make me not trust her with my kid. Is she the type to give a child sweets and chocolate behind the parent's back even though the parent has said not to, because she knows best?

Is it for her car? If she's expecting you to use it yours I just wouldn't use it. If it's for her car though then I wouldn't worry to much. I wanted to rear face ours but had no choice but to turn them all forward by about 3 at the latest as they were all vomiting badly reer facing. You said child doesn't go in her car too much so really if child is forward facing occasionally in her car it doesn't matter. Definitely not worth bumping heads with MIL over.

@uhOhOP Yes she is the type to give cake and sweets behind my back and has done that but I'm firm about that too so she doesn't as much any more. She loves feeding him absolute rubbish for some bizarre reason and then telling me he's got a sweet tooth! Hes 2!! She rarely has my son alone anyway. We do get on well generally this is the thing and she is nice and kind most of the time but she just completely refuses to alter her views on anything. She also HATED that I breast fed my son and that I fed him till aged 2. The comments I got from her.
I'm very strong minded and don't back down when it comes to the safety of my child. It's my job to protect him.
In her response she said that her car is in the top 10 safest cars!
I said not if a child is forward facing because they can basically snap their neck in a serious collision.

’ve got a two year old, it’d be a no from me. It’s not safe,

Well that's not true. Forward facing, properly fitted seats are safe. There is an argument that rear facing may be slightly safer, but that doesn't make forward facing "not safe" in comparison.

I had this problem with my in-laws. I didn’t back down and bought them a rear facing seat. They were all in them till they were 4 ish I think.
I did get constant whinging about how hard it was to put them in them

This, and your OP makes you sound really highly strung and like you're going to be one of those irrational helicopter parents. Is your son a PFB? That might explain it. Choking could happen anywhere. There is no more chance of it happening in a car than happening in your loungeroom or in his bedroom. And at two, he is way too old to be in a rear-facing seat. You really seem very highly strung and unbearable, and I am very pro kids rights. Sorry, but i 99% of the time side with OPs over their MILs, but I truly feel for your MIL, and I feel for your son.

What exactly makes a two year old “too old” to be rear facing?

And at two, he is way too old to be in a rear-facing seat.

He really isn't.

I wouldn’t want mine choking in the car when you’re driving and can’t get to them quickly.
I don’t let mine eat in the car either OP and I also quite like not having crumbs in my car if I can help it. Call me highly strung if you will - I call myself safety conscious and tidy 🤣

Wow.

And it's not about chance, it's about being able to get to the child in good time, which would be a little difficult if she was driving on a motorway, as was the example OP gave.

Editing to add that I, too, am interested to know why you think a two-year-old is "way too old" to travel in a rear-facing seat, but I suspect you'll not have an answer to the question. The child is two, not twenty-two, and is well under the height and weight restrictions for a rear-facing seat.

Wow…if you think a 2 year old is too old this will absolutely blow your mind - my 6 year old still rear faces.

He has a very comfortable Axkid Minikid car seat, lots of room for his legs, excellent view out of the windows, never car sick and bonus if we are ever in a car crash he is in the safest possible seat.

He is 122cm tall - will move him forward facing in c6 months when his sister grows out of her current seat.

Am I the only grandmother who insisted on RF when in my car, when both the parents were desperate to get DGS facing forward?

I remember his father (now my ex-son-in-law)saying nobody else at nursery pick-up had their kids still rear-facing at 18 months, “everyone” had switched to FF at 15 months so why was DGS expected to feel like a baby?

DD wanted DGS forward facing so she could talk to him… I hate going in her car because she looks at DGS more than she looks at the road ahead.

ExDSIL hates the bulk of the HBB and wants DGS7 in a “normal” little booster ASAP.

I protest but it all falls on deaf ears.

@SoreAndTired1 This made me laugh! You are clearly not educated on extended rear facing. Choking can happen anywhere yes, but if my child choked in my lounge I would be able to do first aid on him. If he choked buckled in his car seat and I was driving then I wouldn't be able to get to him. Even if I could pull over , it would be a delay in first aid. I can't understand why children need to eat in the car anyway, just stop off somewhere if it's a long journey and sit down properly to eat! Don't want crumbs and greasy fingers all over the car it's just not necessary.
Yes he's my first born and yes of course he's precious and of course I care about him. Duhhh.

@SoreAndTired1 you're completely wrong.
And your attitude is what the poor OP is having to deal with.

www.nhtsa.gov/sites/nhtsa.gov/files/documents/carseat-recommendations-for-children-by-age-size.pdf

Mine are 17 and 19 and it may have been the recommendation then but I certainly don't remember it and no one I knew had done it.

That said they were in full backed child seats until senior school at which point they flatly refused to be seen by friends in them. Even though they were just under the height where they were officially no longer required.

They pointed out that great granny was shorter and didn't have to use a car seat 😀.

No, it doesn't answer the question, not really. Kids of 5+ aren't toddlers though, are they? I still can't see how a kid of that age could possibly be in any way comfortable with out being able to straighten their legs properly, especially on long journeys. Some children have long legs.

Many years ago, when buggies came into fashion (early 70's), it was discovered after some years that prolonged use could cause curvature of the spine, and the designs were altered. I reckon in a couple of decades' time, the long-term effects of children sitting for long periods with their legs crossed may well become apparent. It isn't just putting a strain on hips, but knees and ankles as well, not to mention the potential for tight hamstrings and achilles. We'll see.

I have adult dc now, so this type of arrangement hadn't been brought in when we had car seats, and the regulations were different.

theres a questionable amount of parents who don’t seem to give a shit if their child would survive a car crash or not. I don’t see how facing the ‘other’ way could be ott when it’s very seriously a matter of life or death.

Anything under 5 really is much too young, it’s a gamble I wouldn’t be taking, no matter how small or slow the distance.

The bottom line here is that it’s your child and your rules!
It can be hard or at least strange for some grandparents to see how much things have changed… not using bottle warmers, no blankets, sleeping bags are just a few things that are very different from when their children were babies. But anyone with an ounce of sense would acknowledge that all of those examples are driven by extensive research and do save lives…
I really can’t understand why so many people are struggling with this! The research is out there!

MiL sounds a real pain…she might be very nice but she’s deliberately going against your rules, and while the odd cake or sweet really won’t hurt, the car seat may well. I would be very reluctant to leave the baby with her to be honest.

My long legged 6 yo child is very comfortable.

He doesn’t sit cross legged throughout long journeys (though we never drive for more than 2 hrs anyway as we all need breaks) - there are lots of different ways to position his legs.

The seat is designed for kids of up to 125cm. Once he is taller than that I will move him to face forward. These seats have been the norm in Scandinavia (where kids tend to be tall) for decades.