Page 7 | Van life request to shower

Uoyeb · 2024-05-30T17:02:55+00:00

I have a long-standing friend who is a bit unconventional. He’s never really stuck at any job, is a bit of an artist, always low on cash. He tends to live in short term rentals, often studios or rooms in shared houses. It wouldn’t be a life for me but he seems happy and content with it, so be it. Rents are increasing and and he recent came into a small inheritance, so he’s decided to buy a van to live in. He’ll fit it out similar to a small camper, sleep / live in the van, and then use toilet facilities that are open to the public, and showers at friends or cheap leisure centres or service stations that have that facility. He’s asked whether, on the odd occasion, he could use our shower if he’s in the area and there’s nowhere else local to go. I’m not sure how to respond. How would you respond?

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 31/05/2024 06:30

Gymnopedie · 31/05/2024 00:44

I think the issue is that however much he assures you the escalation won't happen, however much you would like to think he wouldn't take the piss, that might work in a reasonably mild May/June. He'll tootle round in his van, possibly finding nice places to park for a night or a few.

On a cold, wet, miserable November night, when he realises he's got to get through December, January and February too his genuinely meant assurances in the summer may not hold. Even if he did his own washing somehow in the van, how's he going to dry it? What are his plans for heating the van? What will be his cooking arrangements? Does he actually have any experience of living off grid? Even a week's camping?

I'm not convinced that he has the faintest idea of what he's about to do, and if you say yes to the showers I'm not sure you'd be doing him any favours. It would just help him further into his optimistic fantasy that this is all going to be a doddle.

I am surprised the van doesn’t have a shower, tbh. very close friends of mine do long term camping (not van life, long van holidays) and were keen on having their own shower.

van life without your own shower seems unnecessarily difficult tbh. A puregym membership (or similar) might be a good ide!

having the option to wash your clothes yourself (scrub bags are great!) is a must as well. Really good when you can’t go to a laundrette / find a good camp ground with washing facilities. The van obviously needs to be exceptionally well insulated as well. I’ve slept in my friends’ van in mid winter in the Swiss alps and was very cozy/warm. It’s therefore definitely doable with the UK’s climate as well.

but I suspect that many people (potentially OP’s friend) underestimate how expensive it is. And how much planning needs to go into it.

Mrsdyna · 31/05/2024 07:01

Yes, why not? If he's your friend, what harm do you think he can do by showering in your house?

Nouvellenovel · 31/05/2024 07:17

He definitely needs a toilet in his van.
Who can say they won’t need a trip to the loo in the middle of the night.

user1492757084 · 31/05/2024 07:19

"Sure, every now and again that would be fine. Sustainably, you could shower here up to once a week, on a Saturday between 10 - 11 am."
Have a pack of toiletries ready just for him.

It is fair to him and you that you assess the situation and answer honestly so that expectations and behaviours never cause any issues long term.

I'd also, sometimes, gift him with a cake and a few dollars so that he can pay for a load of washing at the laundromat.

tiddletiddleboomboom · 31/05/2024 07:20

Gymnopedie · 31/05/2024 00:44

I think the issue is that however much he assures you the escalation won't happen, however much you would like to think he wouldn't take the piss, that might work in a reasonably mild May/June. He'll tootle round in his van, possibly finding nice places to park for a night or a few.

On a cold, wet, miserable November night, when he realises he's got to get through December, January and February too his genuinely meant assurances in the summer may not hold. Even if he did his own washing somehow in the van, how's he going to dry it? What are his plans for heating the van? What will be his cooking arrangements? Does he actually have any experience of living off grid? Even a week's camping?

I'm not convinced that he has the faintest idea of what he's about to do, and if you say yes to the showers I'm not sure you'd be doing him any favours. It would just help him further into his optimistic fantasy that this is all going to be a doddle.

I'm of this mind too. It wont end up being the occasional shower, it will turn into several times a week and when its freezing cold, it will be wanting to kip over in the house as its so cold. I help out my friends often but this is slightly different- he has the money to accommodate himself but he is choosing an option that is relying on other people to enable him to basically, live. It's a choice, not a situation he cant help and needs assistance.

Happy to help my friends when they are in a tight spot but not when they are making poor choices that mean they are having to rely on others for basic living needs.

mrsbyers · 31/05/2024 07:28

Where is he going to keep the van ? There are restrictions on where you can park up so just be wary incase you have a large driveway

femfemlicious · 31/05/2024 07:37

Uoyeb · 30/05/2024 18:16

My inclination was to say yes, because it’s fine, but I was slightly worried that occasionally would turn into all the time. However, if it gets like that, I’ll just have a word, I’ve known him for years.

Yeah, I would say yes but manage expectations. It's important to know what he means by once in a while.

Likewhatever · 31/05/2024 07:38

I’d be worried that he was building you into his plans and therefore this might be quite a regular call. Do you live near what he might consider his home base, so he’s likely to be back a lot between trips? The occasional visit wouldn’t bother me, but you don’t want him parked in your road for days. It’s not unreasonable to establish your boundaries early on.

He really needs to follow some van lifers on YouTube to get an idea of how it works, and when it doesn’t. Those Happy Days might be a good start, they’re currently car camping in Europe, having been vanlifing for a few years.

It can be a lonely life for solos.

Nopacking · 31/05/2024 07:39

Like PPs have said, the genuine van life people I know have showers. But my worry would be can I pop your address down for this and that/use your address to vote. Then you risk bailiffs if he doesn't pay. If you live alone and someone claims credit from your address you wouldn't be able to claim Single Person Discount on your Council Tax for example or it could affect your ability to claim benefits if ever needed.

PrepperPie · 31/05/2024 07:39

We have a very old camper van

The Instagram dream photos are definitely not the reality of the true camper van life

Yes, we would offer for a friend

There is a van lifer community too

However there are other options like campsites, marinas, canal washrooms, service stations, gyms, aires

Likewhatever · 31/05/2024 07:41

PrepperPie · 31/05/2024 07:39

We have a very old camper van

The Instagram dream photos are definitely not the reality of the true camper van life

Yes, we would offer for a friend

There is a van lifer community too

However there are other options like campsites, marinas, canal washrooms, service stations, gyms, aires

There definitely is a van life community, the channels I follow all seem to know each other and meet up.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 31/05/2024 07:46

I would say yes.
Surely this is what friends are for.

Fatotter · 31/05/2024 07:51

It wouldn't bother me but it is unnecessary.

There are so many cheap gyms around with showers now. Some of them offer memberships for under £20 a month.

We are members of a Country Club gym its £32.00 a month (blue light discount and pay annually). It is open every day apart from Christmas day. I think he would be better budgeting for something like this rather than cadging a shower.

Runsyd · 31/05/2024 07:51

SilverHairedCat · 30/05/2024 18:18

Hmm, this has the ability to grow legs. If the van breaks down, does he have the money to repair it? Do you have a driveway he might ask to "borrow"?

He needs to be properly independent, not reliant on the ability of friends to bail him out / put him up / provide the necessities of life.

Suggest he might do better to look at how to maintain his independence....

This. No good deed goes unpunished and all that.

Alittlefrustrated · 31/05/2024 07:54

It's a no from me. You are doing him a favour to point out all the reasons this isn't going to work for him, so that he doesn't waste the money he has aquired. I'd also be concerned that he isn't going to be very fresh when he comes to your's, in cluding his clothes. It won't be just your shower he uses,and you'll be cleaning up his mess. He needs to use the money for rent, and pay his own way in life.

RoseMarigoldViolet · 31/05/2024 07:55

It surprises me how harsh some of the responses are. If someone is your friend then it might be enjoyable to have them pop in and have a shower followed by a cup of tea and a chat.

Tontostitis · 31/05/2024 07:58

My answer would be God no Mrtonto doesn't clean the shower and taps well enough for me. I'm not adding another to the list. I do however get guest passes for the gym so hit me up for one of those.

My friend lives on his van and has a David Lloyd membership so he can shower in comfort. Suggest he does that.

Ps I'm not being sexist or a doormat Mrtonto cleans the shower and dries the taps I just like it done a bit better so I sneak in after him to do it. On a stunning, beautiful bathroom he fitted so I'm happy with our division of labour.

PostMenPatWithACat · 31/05/2024 08:02

No.
If someone wants to live in a van they need to do it independently and meet associated costs even if it means taking on some work.

Loulouloops · 31/05/2024 08:02

Um I ´d say ‘of course you can!! ´ He’s a long standing friend….

tiddletiddleboomboom · 31/05/2024 08:02

RoseMarigoldViolet · 31/05/2024 07:55

It surprises me how harsh some of the responses are. If someone is your friend then it might be enjoyable to have them pop in and have a shower followed by a cup of tea and a chat.

Nah, it's not harsh. Many of us have had experiences where an occasional favour becomes an expectation and then morphs into a demand. I know I have and its made me wary.

I love having coffee and a chat with my friends but when your house is busy, you have kids to look after, meals to sort, and a full time job, its not always convenient for someone to pop by for a shower whenever they need it. I couldn't guarantee that it would be convenient at the times he wanted to shower. I also think a good friend would be honest and point out the potential disadvantages to this plan- what happens in the winter for example when it's freezing cold? this could end up being a really unpleasant experience for him.

Loulouloops · 31/05/2024 08:06

Alittlefrustrated · 31/05/2024 07:54

It's a no from me. You are doing him a favour to point out all the reasons this isn't going to work for him, so that he doesn't waste the money he has aquired. I'd also be concerned that he isn't going to be very fresh when he comes to your's, in cluding his clothes. It won't be just your shower he uses,and you'll be cleaning up his mess. He needs to use the money for rent, and pay his own way in life.

OP is a friend not a parent to this van owner . He’s asked if he can use the shower occasionally not for advice about his life choices.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 31/05/2024 08:10

I wouldn't want it and I say this as someone who has given several friends sets of keys to my house so they can stay if they need to and I'm not around

Likewhatever · 31/05/2024 08:16

Many of us can see the long term consequences of this choice and are answering on that basis.

I think it’s possible the friend hasn’t explored all the possible options, which is why he needs to familiarise himself with how van life works for others.

He’s asked whether, on the odd occasion, he could use our shower if he’s in the area and there’s nowhere else local to go.

OP could you ask him where he plans on showering, doing laundry etc just get an idea of what he’s envisaging day to day?

NashvilleQueen · 31/05/2024 08:23

I would like to do a survey of how people intend to vote at the GE based on their response to this question!

MagnetCarHair · 31/05/2024 08:25

Oh right, and where does that land when you are so naive about being nice that you don't think through the long term consequences of what your principles might look like in terms of a cascade of unintended miserable consequences? Greens?