To think he's going on a date?

[Everybodystalkingallthisstuffaboutme]

I've been on a date with someone from work, but he's gone a bit funny and I haven't bothered asking for another one, if he wants to he will.

He's someone who doesn't like people talking during films (which is understandable) so usually goes alone.

I invited him to my belated birthday party tomorrow, admittedly I invited him with late notice but he's said he's 'catching up with a friend from an old job.'

I casually asked where they were going and he said 'the cinema'.

Do men go to the cinema in pairs?
I just have this feeling he's trying to date this 'friend'. It could well be innocent or a male but I'm not convinced.

Anyway I'm better just binning him off. I know he's entitled to do what he pleases, it just hurts a bit.

I have been to cinemas with my mates quite a few times lol I didn't realise it wasn't common

He has probably made a booking with a prostitute. So sorry OP. Bin him and move on

Wow this is giving Glenn Close vibes 😳

Your user name has the word stalking in it.

Bonkers, even by my standards.

Sent from my iphon

This is a wind up, yeah?

OP it sounds like an excuse and he doesn't want to come to your party or go out with you again. You can imagine it's a date if you want but it might not be. Disappointing for you but these things happen.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a date or not really OP. He’s given you enough hints that he isn’t interested in taking it further with you. Rejection isn’t nice, but neither is heartbreak, so perhaps it’s better to be let down very early on rather than a few dates in when you’re getting emotionally involved.

This sounds like a bit of a crush on your part. Don’t worry, it will pass. But try not to do or say anything that you might later feel embarrassed about.

Op. It might be a date, yes, it might not be, the point is it is none of your business I’m afraid, he is a single man. He hasn’t found another woman so quickly as you put it, as you were never in a relationship with him.

it reads like you’d built it up in your head to something it was not. That rationally you know you were not in a relationship with him, but emotionally you think you were and now you’re jealous and a bit desperate.

for your own mental health try to focus on other things, stop reaching out to him, try to keep busy, understand you’re not reacting in a healthy way. Accept he is single and has been all along.

Someone I worked with had a massive crush on a guy at work for ages and then he finally asked her out - they had one date and she went totally OTT and invited him to her friends wedding the next month, made plans for “date days” and just totally blew it and he ran a mile. She was devastated but I think the problem was that she’d had a long time to build up a fantasy relationship in her head so it felt a lot more intense than it was. If that’s your tendency these things can be quite painful and you might be better off with online dating where you don’t really know the person before you meet them.

Oh and my colleague also Google-stalked her crush and analysed his likes on Facebook to try to work out whether he had someone new (which he did and they then got engaged quite quickly so more drama). She sounds nuts but she was a highly intelligent lawyer - just intense.

Why isn't he allowed to go on a date?

Yes it's disappointing if you have a crush on someone and it doesn't look good. He could have a date, he could be going with a male and didn't want to rearrange to go to your party. It's looking like he isn't that into you. However, never say never..he might go on a date and realise he prefers you, he might just not like parties. He might like both of you and can't decide.

He might decide he does want another date. Did you get a good vibe from the one date you went on? How was it at work after, friendly, flirty, awkward?

Whatever happens he is doing absolutely nothing wrong and it entitled to date who he wants and when until he is in a committed relationship.

I would say it's probably a date. And if he's told you he only goes alone then it would seem he just doesn't want to go with you as he's not interested. And to be honest I don't really know of adult men to go to the cinema in a pair unless they are in a relationship.
So your instincts are probably correct OP. Just forget about him for now and see how things go.Take a step back .

I don't understand why asking a man out on a second date is considered 'chasing' by some people? Worst thing that can happen is he says no I'm not interested, then you have closure and aren't wasting time fantasizing about a relationship with them. I guess playing it cool works if you're just wanting no strings sex, but a guy looking for something more serious isn't going to be put off by a woman taking the initiative to ask him out unless there's something wrong with him emotionally.

If you liked him you should have asked him on a second date?
Going to the cinema with someone of either sex seems completely innocuous either way?
If he is dating other women then that's up to him. You aren't his girlfriend.

Homophobic and complete nonsense!

Sorry OP: he’s just not that into you.

sent from my iphon

Men go to the cinema together, yes. My DP does all the time.

However, yes, this could be a date and he's been tactful, or just a friend. Doesn't matter, what matters is whether or not you two progress and if I'm honest it sounds lukewarm. It's not about chasing or not, it's about being keen. I think if he was, he would have said 'sorry, I can't make your bday but can I take you for a cocktail to celebrate instead?'.

Do you reckon this bit of intrigue/possible competition has made you more interested than you would have otherwise been?

Good that you're spiralling on here instead of texting him (if you must spiral) but please leave it in his court now. What you deserve is enthusiasm.

I don’t think it’s acceptable to talk through films of you are at the cinema.

My older sister does this. She'll suggest a film then talk about it all the way through. I'm just like just stfu and watch it. Last time she suggested something I just said no cos you talk all the way through it. So I'll watch it later. Her husband agreed with me. He often stays up later than her so he can watch TV in peace.

Could the speed with which you have become attached to him after one date be the reason he doesn’t want another one?

Did you go to the cinema with him and talk? Otherwise how do you know this about him?

OK OP, it is a bit of a knock when someone you hope to see again doesn’t seem to be up for it.

But see what happens. You asked him to your party, next move, if there is one, is his. If he doesn’t suggest another date, sadly it is probably not happening. Which is sad but that’s life and that’s the dating process.

But do try and play it cool. When he said he was catching up with a former work friend your answer should have been ‘ah, never mind, have a good weekend’, not to ask him where he was going.

*just want to know for my own sanity so I can move on.

The speed in which he's got another woman is mad, and hurts*

You had one date, it wasn't the exclusivity conversation. There is really no question of him moving on quickly. Dating is about getting to know people maybe just to enjoy the process, maybe to find someone special.

Give yourself a break and stop yourself giving this any more airtime in your life. Anytime you catch yourself thinking about him and/or your date, consciously redirect your thoughts to something else.

Make sure there are lots of other fun things in your life, that's the place to put your focus and energy for now. Enjoy.

just want to know for my own sanity so I can move on.

The speed in which he's got another woman is mad, and hurts

after one date, this is ridiculous. It isn't your business and even if you're only spiralling on here as I say, you risk making a fool of yourself at work. He might be on a date, he may have had several.

a fortnight is not quick to potentially go out with someone else. He could have been dating all along.

You need to disengage. Why not get online and arrange a date of your own?