To think he's going on a date?

[Everybodystalkingallthisstuffaboutme]

I've been on a date with someone from work, but he's gone a bit funny and I haven't bothered asking for another one, if he wants to he will.

He's someone who doesn't like people talking during films (which is understandable) so usually goes alone.

I invited him to my belated birthday party tomorrow, admittedly I invited him with late notice but he's said he's 'catching up with a friend from an old job.'

I casually asked where they were going and he said 'the cinema'.

Do men go to the cinema in pairs?
I just have this feeling he's trying to date this 'friend'. It could well be innocent or a male but I'm not convinced.

Anyway I'm better just binning him off. I know he's entitled to do what he pleases, it just hurts a bit.

This reads like Baby Reindeer Series 2.

It is not really material whether he is seeing another woman at the cinema, or a male friend, or even making up an excuse not to come to the party. He is not interested in another date with you. Not at the moment anyway. This could be for any number of reasons. Try not to dwell on it or take it personally

This is very sound advice and exactly what I was going to say. He is clearly not keen to go on a second date and hasn’t led you to believe he is, so it doesn’t really matter who he’s going out with. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you it just means there was a lack of compatibility/chemistry, at least from his perspective.

There’s a phrase I like that I’ve seen on here, goes something like “when a man likes you, you’ll know, if you’re confused he doesn’t” obviously things are not black and white all the time, but I think for the most part it’s true!

It’s one thing a guy being shy or subtle and another thing him just not being bothered . The last first date I was on my now partner asked about a second date by the time dessert came out.

Er, haven’t you posted about this loads of times already under loads of different names?

If so, you need to back way off and move one!

Grow up. You went on ONE date with him, it didn’t go anywhere. It’s literally none of your business what he does and who he does it with. He isn’t your boyfriend and he owes you nothing. He’s not obliged to have a second date with you if he wasn’t feeling it the first time. And you haven’t even asked him if he wants to go out again, so for all you know he might have assumed you weren’t into him.

And of course men go the cinema in pairs. What planet are you from where this doesn’t happen?

What in the Baby Reindeer is going on here?!

sent from iphone

“Sent from iPhone” 😂😂 I see what you did there lol 😆

It's just rubbish how he's found someone else so quickly

You weren’t in a relationship. There was nothing for him to get over. Going on a date with someone two weeks after one date with a different person that went nowhere isn’t ’finding someone else’. It’s not his fault you’re obsessed with him.

Did he hang the OP’s curtains, I wonder?

I hope he’s got someone looking after his rabbit…

sorry you're getting a pile on here, do you have anyone irl to talk this over with?

If this is any consolation at all when I first dated my now H the first date was a disaster. It couldn't have gone worse if we'd tried. Still I really liked him and got a little obsessed and embarrassed myself by calling him at odd hours and hanging up, etc (this was in the olden days when there wasn't caller ID)

I finally got myself under control, realized that NO MAN is worth chasing after like a fool and backed way off. I decided to improve my own life and forget him. We worked at the same place so a few months later when he decided to talk to me again I was cool and noncommittal. I knew what I was willing to put up and his shit wasn't going to cut it so I kept him at arms length and magically that man's behavior improved so much we started dating and ultimately stayed together.

I suspect you're feeling insecure and working together is making it impossible to ignore the feeling that you've been replaced but honestly its not about him its about you and you need to do some deep thinking about why this has upset you so much. Can you try to work on your self esteem and not letting these things get to you so much? Whether you see him again romantically or not its more important that you feel secure in yourself and don't rely on a man for validation.

One date that doesn't lead anywhere is perfectly normal, you worrying yourself sick isn't. I say this kindly-you really should work on why this is so upsetting to you and how you can feel stronger about YOU because you deserve that. Please do something nice for yourself on your birthday even a little treat just to bolster your self esteem that you don't tell anyone about, a little piece of jewelry that you can look at and remind yourself you're worthy.

Yes men go to the cinema with other men. That's a weird question. As a PP mentioned, the new Mad Max related film is out, in a few weeks Deadpool and The Wolverine will be out... there will be lots of men going to these with other men.

Frankly, sounds like he had a lucky escape. Else he'd be living a life wondering what you were going to accuse him over next for a perfectly reasonable occasion

Try telling op that 😱

He's someone who doesn't like people talking during films (which is understandable) so usually goes alone.

I know this is a bit of a derail but my friends and I don't talk during films anyway.

I didn’t really get from your OP whether you would like for there to be a second date or not? If you would, you probably need to ask him for a second date. His response will tell you whether he’s interested or not. If not, it could be the closure which may help you here.

It really doesn’t matter if his cinema trip is a date or not. The man is single so can guiltlessly go where he likes.

This does seem to be causing you more upset than the situation needs.

DH goes to the cinema with his male friend for films I don't want to watch, should I be worried
I think you're reading too much into this, a cinema is a shit date anyways as you can't talk!

See if Piers Morgan wants to interview you about your lost love.....

I think the guy dodged a bullet there.....

Rule number 1 don't date people from work
Rule number 2 stop behaving like a 15 year old
Rule number 3 work on maintaining healthy boundaries & stop catastrophising situations

Really sorry that this had made you feel shit OP. Sorry about the amount of flak you're getting. I agree to put him out of your mind he hasn't arranged another date even though you've given him the opportunity by asking him out to your birthday.

The friend cinema thing is neither here nor there, it could well be a friend either male or female. My DH has been to the cinema with a male colleague before to see a Formula 1 documentary/movie I had zero interest in and he also has female friends that he would happily go to the cinema with with no romantic intent.

Sorry he's not been straight with you though and giving excuses instead of just telling you he's not interested. Hold your head up and find someone better who bites your hand off when you ask them out on a second date. Xx This one's not worth the headspace.

There's something really masochistic about obsessing over men who maybe just aren't that into you, and I'm speaking as someone who used to do it a lot. I wish I hadn't as I wasted years of my life doing so and it took me a long time to realise that it was because I felt so crap about myself that being around men who couldn't see anything good in me allowed me to externalise all of the horrible things I saw in me.

I'm now with someone who makes me thank my lucky stars that nothing worked out before.

This is actually weird. He had a lucky escape.

You already have pretty much stopped communicating.
Neither of you asked for a second date, cso nothing to be said or done.

@Everybodystalkingallthisstuffaboutme back in the olden days when I used to date and also be quite unwell (with my mental health) at times I would get into these odd obsessive thought spirals. I would make up stories and assign motivations to people, filling in details that didn't really exist based on not very much. They felt very real though and I could feel very sure someone liked me or hated me, which with hindsight was mostly the story version of them rather than the real one.

I'm not suggesting you are unwell but I do wonder why this matters so much to you? I hear that you feel hurt, but why are you hurt? Even if you liked him, you've invested no great time, you've made no commitment. This shouldn't hurt, possibly it should be "well that's a shame" or you could just have a conversation with him and ask if he wants to go out again or not. Instead, it has been built up and catastrophised. You've added details that aren't there which are making it hurt more.

It might be worth thinking about what previous relationships have been like and how they have impacted you emotionally and maybe exploring this through some counselling / CBT so these situations don't feel so painful in future.

Mad Max is on. He and his mate will be watching this. Or Garfield

Hope you're ok OP.

I've been where you are in my younger years. I used to get obsessive over men very quickly. Guess what...it never worked!
You had 1 date, it sounds mutual that it might remain just 1. You are both free to date who you like. That means you aswell!
Calm down, breathe. Do not contact him, and do something you enjoy, film, chocolate, hot bath or whatever, try to distract yourself.
You'll feel better tomorrow and the next day, and so on.
Be friendly at work and nothing more.
If he likes you believe me you'll know but if not try to chalk it up to experience.

Oh my goodness ! you have been on ONE date with him, then at the last minute invited him to a belated birthday do for you.
He already has plans - well that's what happens when it's a last minute invite from you

ONE date !!! it wasn't at the Registry office was it - to get married ? No
then step back, take a big breath and carry on with your life, stop over thinking it, it was ONE date !

and now you are obsessing, being possessive and over reacting

ONE date !!!

there is no one to bin off as you had ONE date
and neither of you invited the other on a 2nd date.

However if the ONE date was a fortnight ago, and he hasn't asked for a 2nd date then after ONE date I would guess he's not that much into you.