To have just had enough of the way that husband reacts to my input in conversations?

[pebblesssss]

I am raging typing this, I've just had enough. I think it's years of being completely fucking fuming building up. Whenever we're having a conversation about ANYTHING my comments are always dismissed. Like whatever the topic is. An example- we were trying to figure out something on DC's Nintendo last week, I said press that button (he wouldn't let me touch it obvs- fucking control freak), just met with a no, it's not going to be that is it, honestly I'll sort it just leave me to sort it. Like mate you didn't have a fucking clue either. Told him to piss off and walked off. He later said sorry but I'm being too sensitive as it was just a game. But it's not just a fucking game it's EVERYTHING I BLOODY SAY.

By the way, the button I told him to press was infact correct.

Onto more serious things. We were discussing the sale of our car. I said he needed to remind the potential buyer that the car is still in use so mileage will increase by the time it's sold next month. He looks like a dynamite ready to go off whenever I'm talking. He just said ok ok ok yeah I got it ok, ALL the way through me talking. It's fucking infuriating. Cuts me off every time.

We were speaking about the tragic events in Palestine which I'm quite passionate about. Told my opinion was wrong, that I didn't really know what I was talking about BUT it's ok to have a view BUT then just reminded me it's the wrong view. I just walked upstairs and went to bed.

He asked me why can't we speak about anything without it ending in an argument. Because mate, you WONT LET ME FUCKING SPEAK. if I want to say something important I have to think of how I'm going to quickly phrase it and spit it out in 5 seconds flat or he interrupts me and gives his view instead.

I can't stand it anymore I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm also pregnant with our 3rd child and I don't know how much more I can take. There's no respect for me I'm sick of it.

AIBU to feel this way? Am I being over sensitive?

True but it's fine to wonder about it privately, if you don't want to come across like you're kicking someone who's already down

It’s a public forum.

I genuinely do not understand why people bring a/an extra baby into an already toxic unhealthy environment.

Ok, sure, but its still rude to ask even if ots a public forum.

Yes, it's a public forum. I don't think anyone is disputing that.

Sometimes it's best to keep unkind thoughts to ourselves.

Why are you having another baby with someone you clearly don’t even like.

Oh no you can’t possibly ask logical questions like that on a public anonymous forum…….

🤣

You can ask that if you want.

And others can point out that they think it sounds like a dickish thing to post.

Yes people can point out whatever they like and ask questions that’s how it works on a forum…..People can choose to keep scrolling on by if they dislike something too. So many choices.

All those posters saying she needs to talk to him - HE WON'T LET HER.

She can try but whether it's car mileage, the Nintendo or the state of their relationship he's going to talk over her and tell her she's wrong. He's already trying to say that she makes everything into an argument. Talking to him is the one thing she can't do.

if I want to say something important I have to think of how I'm going to quickly phrase it and spit it out in 5 seconds flat or he interrupts me

I have this exact issue with my Mum, it's infuriating!!! Like you, if I have anything I need to say, I have to compile my sentences ahead of time to make sure I get the important info in at the beginning. Otherwise she'll incorrectly guess what I'm trying to say, based on the first few words and then 'takeover' the conversation. Thus leaving me having to work out how to try again! It's exhausting.

I don't get why some posters are fixated on the mileage comment like her saying something that may be obvious to them means she deserves to be spoken to like she's an idiot.
Do you not sometimes state the obvious to your husbands because I do and I certainly don't expect to be spoken down to like I'm some div because of it.
Also what may be obvious to some people is not to others and years of selling to the general public has taught me that the very obvious needs to be clearly spelled out so it doesn't come back on you.

Yes, that's what I said. I'm glad you agree with me.

Except nobody has actually said it means she deserves to be spoken to like an idiot they've just said that being spoken to like that would annoy them, so they get where he's coming from.

I don't think a single person on here has excused his behaviour and said it was acceptable.

Some posters have said it’s 50:50 and she sounds just as bad etc (which I totally disagree with, he sounds awful!)

I mean, you can think it's 50/50 without thinking she deserves to be spoken to in an unpleasant way.

IME when you're at the stage of doing lots of this low level bickering, it's rarely ever one person's fault entirely.

Hi everyone.

Too many to reply to in person, but thanks for all the replies. To all the shitty comments about being pregnant- not helpful nor nice, and I sincerely hope if you ever find yourself in a tough and vulnerable situation with your partner- no one ever kicks you whilst you're down! 🫶🏼

To clarify a few things/update:

I asked H if anything I say upsets him, patronises him or makes him feel bad. He said the exact words "no, not at all- but I do feel like sometimes we can't speak without having an argument". Which I agreed with! He actually sat and spoke to me, listened to me. Every time he interrupted I said "I really don't like it when you cut me off, it makes me feel like you don't care about what I'm saying". The first few times he still tried to cut me off. But then I said politely "I've listened to you, if you interrupt me again I'm going to leave this conversation for another day". And he stopped. We had a good conversation. We've admitted our shortfalls towards each other and he has agreed to go to marriage counselling. He has said he doesn't want our marriage to end and he does still love me. I agreed but I have put my foot down and said I don't want to feel like this anymore, and if it worsens again we need to communicate well or it's just means to an end...

I was happy with the general jist of the conversation, we both apologised to each other but I've also reminded him that BOTH of our actions speak louder than words. We have a few months before baby gets here and I really want to work on improving this before he gets here, as does he he's said.

Regardless, to respond to previous posters who are getting a bit hung up on the car mileage comment. It didn't upset or patronise him, he's confirmed... at the end of the day, in a relationship you SHOULD be able to comment on something like a car sale, even if it's futile what you're saying, you should not be cut off and rudely dismissed for saying one comment. That really is the bottom line and the reason I've put my foot down as I know I don't deserve to be ignored and treated in that manner! Especially when the comment is said in a polite and non demeaning manner.

So we'll see how it goes- I'm trying to be optimistic. I don't want to break our home BUT I also won't live my life like this anymore. I hope we can sort ourselves out. Thanks again for the lovely supportive comments 😊

Good update! I agree, it will pay off to resolve those things sooner, as it’s much harder after children.

OP I genuinely don't want to piss on your chips and I hope I'm wrong. But be wary.

It was very clear in your first post that you were at the end of your rope with him. It's not unknown for even controlling arseholes like him to realise that they've pushed things a little bit too far and that they have to row back a bit or you'll walk. It doesn't last, rinse and repeat.

Please be on your guard, and if he's slippping he's slipping. It isn't a one off and he'll be back to his new self tomorrow. He thinks he's pulled you back in enough that he can start again.

Well done OP.
He sounds deeply tedious and you are beyond patient.
Mind yourself and best of luck.

My DH says I’m telling him what to do if I say anything. Like, kid is in the loo, I say can you pass me the bog roll? Telling him what to do. Will you close the curtains, please? Gets the hump, it’s me telling him to do. Did you get milk? Telling him what to do, obviously! I’m fucking sick of it… To me it’s normal conversation. He can say similar to me (and actually tells me what to do all the time, like You Don’t Wanna Do That! from Harry Enfield) and I just answer, like a normal person “yes, no, fine” whatever. I don’t react like a toddler…

Well done op, good conversation

My husband does it with a lot of people not just me. A friend put him down beautifully once when she said in company

"I'm sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours"

I've used it once or twice myself since. 😊

They already have two children.

Wow! Well done OP ....that's an amazing achievement. And well done to your husband too , for listening and being prepared to work through his arrogant misogyny

Thanks everyone, I'm still keeping my whits about me... if it doesn't change then I'll address it. Right now, we've been together years, have a family together and I think most people would understand where I'm coming from when I say I have to give it a try. I can't just throw it away. If it falls to shit again, then it does... and I'll sleep peacefully knowing I gave it another go.

@fieldsofbutterflies is there something about this thread that is personally offending you? Yes we do already have two kids, who I try my very fucking best for. This is why I'm doing this, for them.
I've ignored some of your comments but you're getting on my nerves now! It's a public forum and you can say what you want but take a day off, read the update and move on with your life.