To have just had enough of the way that husband reacts to my input in conversations?

[pebblesssss]

I am raging typing this, I've just had enough. I think it's years of being completely fucking fuming building up. Whenever we're having a conversation about ANYTHING my comments are always dismissed. Like whatever the topic is. An example- we were trying to figure out something on DC's Nintendo last week, I said press that button (he wouldn't let me touch it obvs- fucking control freak), just met with a no, it's not going to be that is it, honestly I'll sort it just leave me to sort it. Like mate you didn't have a fucking clue either. Told him to piss off and walked off. He later said sorry but I'm being too sensitive as it was just a game. But it's not just a fucking game it's EVERYTHING I BLOODY SAY.

By the way, the button I told him to press was infact correct.

Onto more serious things. We were discussing the sale of our car. I said he needed to remind the potential buyer that the car is still in use so mileage will increase by the time it's sold next month. He looks like a dynamite ready to go off whenever I'm talking. He just said ok ok ok yeah I got it ok, ALL the way through me talking. It's fucking infuriating. Cuts me off every time.

We were speaking about the tragic events in Palestine which I'm quite passionate about. Told my opinion was wrong, that I didn't really know what I was talking about BUT it's ok to have a view BUT then just reminded me it's the wrong view. I just walked upstairs and went to bed.

He asked me why can't we speak about anything without it ending in an argument. Because mate, you WONT LET ME FUCKING SPEAK. if I want to say something important I have to think of how I'm going to quickly phrase it and spit it out in 5 seconds flat or he interrupts me and gives his view instead.

I can't stand it anymore I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm also pregnant with our 3rd child and I don't know how much more I can take. There's no respect for me I'm sick of it.

AIBU to feel this way? Am I being over sensitive?

You sound very unhappy, OP.

I wouldn't bother conversing with Mr Know it all. See how long it takes for him to notice. And I don't mean stop talking ie Hello/Goodbye etc but I wouldn't actively engage in conversation/leave him to get on with things.

When you say 'we were trying to figure out...', was it really 'we' or he was trying to, and you intervened? Even if it did turn out you were right, it can be really irritating when someone else gets involved. Telling him to piss off undermined any point you might have had there.

Similarly with the car selling. Did you need to interfere and treat him like an idiot?

On Palestine, did he actually say 'you are wrong', or did he say 'I disagree'?

It sounds like both of you are entrenched in always having to be right or to win every minor disagreement.

He has zero respect for you. Get rid.

I just couldn't live with being shut up and put down all the time.

Why do posters nickle and dime the OP to death. None of these spats were worth spatting over. He’s massively reactive, like a stroppy teenager. Its ridiculous!

Leave before you're ground down to nothing. I recently left my long term BF for this reason. Constantly ignoring my opinion or input on something unless it was at odds with what he wanted, which would then make him sulk (and I mean fucking S U L K) and bottle up his emotions until he would explode. It took the fun out of every aspect of our life. Was always made to feel like I was constantly making the wrong decision, thinking and saying the wrong thing. When I finished it, the bastard had the cheek to burst into tears thinking back on he had ruined all the opportunities and moments I was trying to do or say something nice, for the benefit of us both as a couple. Think he nearly short circuited when I replied with "Yes, you did do that didn't you." He was expecting me to be sympathetic, which is impossible when you're being worn out like that. So, OP, you have my sympathy. I'm not sure what to suggest other than leave, or try and get him to counseling. We tried that for a while but it just made everything that much more clear to me that we weren't compatible anymore. Good luck and gentle hugs.

No, you're perfectly right to be furious. I'd suggest you try giving back what you get. So if he interrupts you, give him a hard stare and a firm tone 'Excuse me. I'm still speaking. You'll know when it's your turn to speak, because I will stop' or whatever icy authoritative phrase suits you best. Greet every interruption with a 'I'm still speaking' on repeat. Tone is everything. Do not under any circumstances sound angry or upset. Channel the firmest head teacher or most assertive manager you can think of. What's sauce for the goose.

Has he always been like this, and you used to overlook it, or has he got worse?

True. Even if she was interfering or contributing to the argument - that's the sort of thing that counselling would be helpful for. Its all about sorting out the dynamics of arguments, how each person reacts to the other. But if she is the only one that wants to do that and he doesn't even want to discuss the issue or see any problem to fix then that is itself a huge problem. Having a go at her on here for what we imagine she might be doing reading between the lines won't help.

Have you told him how you feel? That’s really important if not, then secondly if you want to save the marriage I advise you see a marriage counsellor ASAP, especially as your pregnant, you need less stress not more.

Get the talking stick out......the second he interrupts you clout him with it

Ok….so why did you think having another child with the idiot was a good idea?

Get rid @pebblesssss life is too short. He won’t change.

Irrelevant

True but it does make you wonder…..

How does he talk with/treat the DC?

OP is it only women he interrupts?

I wouldn't be able to stand being treated like this. If he wouldn't try to change, I would end the relationship. He just wants you to be the person who agrees with everything he says, not have an opinion of your own & think how wonderful he is. If you stay, it will eat away at you until the day you snap, throw the whole lot in his face & put a bomb under your relationship.

To me, it's because it comes across as patronising and infantilising. It either implied that he's too stupid to realise the mileage would go up, or implies that the buyer is too stupid to realise it either.

this is why I'm in the "6 of one, half a dozen of the other" camp.

if a man were to observe that the car mileage would continue to increase, wouldn't he get accused of mansplaining?

ETA, being dismissed is horrible and demoralising to any relationship, but it cuts both ways.

God why are people so ridiculous? Ive been with my DH for 33 years—sometimes one of is says something the other one knows. Or reminds the other of something obvious. It doesn’t draw rage and contempt. Stop excusing the DH’s obvious rudeness as a reasonable response to “frustration “ or annoyance. Being told something, or reminded of something, like the mileage thing is not a hanging offense.

Perhaps set some boundaries with him. If he is working on a problem such as the game, leave him to it even if he asks for help and tell him you don’t problem solve well together. Suggest he calls a friend, his parents etc.

If you are working on something, the same applies to him. Do not request his input until you are truly done and ready to hand it to him completely.

Sounds like the ‘love’ you speak of has been replaced with ‘utter contempt’. At least on his part.

Not one single person has said it's a "hanging offence", have they?

They've just said that they would find that particular behaviour irritating and so they understand why he might too.

I also agree with PP who said the car mileage conversation would be considered mansplaining if it was the other way around, and men who do that get incredibly short shrift on here!

Oh my god not hyperbole!

Just do the same to him. Some people just do not learn unless they experience the same treatment. You need to maintain the treatment for as long as it takes to sink in.

It has never failed me. Unfortunately it's the only way to gain a basic level of respect from people that do not give respect easily.