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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just had enough of the way that husband reacts to my input in conversations?

103 replies

pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 11:11

I am raging typing this, I've just had enough. I think it's years of being completely fucking fuming building up. Whenever we're having a conversation about ANYTHING my comments are always dismissed. Like whatever the topic is. An example- we were trying to figure out something on DC's Nintendo last week, I said press that button (he wouldn't let me touch it obvs- fucking control freak), just met with a no, it's not going to be that is it, honestly I'll sort it just leave me to sort it. Like mate you didn't have a fucking clue either. Told him to piss off and walked off. He later said sorry but I'm being too sensitive as it was just a game. But it's not just a fucking game it's EVERYTHING I BLOODY SAY.

By the way, the button I told him to press was infact correct.

Onto more serious things. We were discussing the sale of our car. I said he needed to remind the potential buyer that the car is still in use so mileage will increase by the time it's sold next month. He looks like a dynamite ready to go off whenever I'm talking. He just said ok ok ok yeah I got it ok, ALL the way through me talking. It's fucking infuriating. Cuts me off every time.

We were speaking about the tragic events in Palestine which I'm quite passionate about. Told my opinion was wrong, that I didn't really know what I was talking about BUT it's ok to have a view BUT then just reminded me it's the wrong view. I just walked upstairs and went to bed.

He asked me why can't we speak about anything without it ending in an argument. Because mate, you WONT LET ME FUCKING SPEAK. if I want to say something important I have to think of how I'm going to quickly phrase it and spit it out in 5 seconds flat or he interrupts me and gives his view instead.

I can't stand it anymore I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm also pregnant with our 3rd child and I don't know how much more I can take. There's no respect for me I'm sick of it.

AIBU to feel this way? Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
Jeschara · 30/05/2024 11:18

He is a know all. If he interups or dismisses you again, a firm excuse me, I am talking. If he tries to dismiss what you are saying, tell him not to be so dismissive and patronising. I would also remind him no one likes a no all.

nutbrownhare15 · 30/05/2024 11:20

I'd suggest couples counselling.

Megera · 30/05/2024 11:21

I get tedious vibes all round here…

Harvestfestivalknickers · 30/05/2024 11:24

In conversation, I would purposely start everything you say with ' this is my opinion and its maybe not the same as yours......., everytime.

lettuceistasty · 30/05/2024 11:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

honeyrider · 30/05/2024 11:30

I don't know how you have endured this for so long, not surprised you're fuming.

Hemakesmesmile2 · 30/05/2024 11:30

I’d say “rude!” Loudly every time he interrupts you and he’ll soon see how frequently he’s doing it. It’s so disrespectful and patronising.

Miloandfreddy · 30/05/2024 11:33

I'd say you are both as bad as each other to be honest.. the comment about the car doing more miles would annoy me too. I'm sure the buyer isn't going to fuss over a few hundred more miles on the clock. Sounds like you both get on each others nerves which doesn't bode well.

fieldsofbutterflies · 30/05/2024 11:34

I don't know, it sounds a bit 50/50 to me.

He's being rude but equally your example about car mileage would drive me up the wall lol.

beachunready · 30/05/2024 11:35

Agree you both seem to irritate each other.
What he's doing is rude and disrespectful. Does he do it to other people or just you?

CottonbudQueen · 30/05/2024 11:38

I feel your pain. At that point, I stopped talking. He has been stonewalled, I have no energy for that ish. I talk no more !!!!

Original poster
pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 11:41

Thanks everyone! I've tried the rude comments or I'm talking thanks etc.. but don't seem to work so I just walk upstairs. I struggle now to act appropriately when it happens especially today because I am just on my last straw! I think a lot are right though. We do get on each others nerves and it is over petty things sometimes! But I just dunno I have never interrupted someone in my life I think it's soooo rude!

R.e the car mileage, H does 80 miles a day in the car, plus any extra bits in the evening or days out on days off etc. the car isn't being sold for a month as our new one isn't ready until then. That's like minimum 2.5-3k miles! If it was like 200 miles I wouldn't mention it!

OP posts:
SabbaticalinMogadishu · 30/05/2024 11:43

Couples' counselling if you want to improve communication.

Beautifulbythebay · 30/05/2024 11:44

My exh talked over me for years. The relief when I ltb was tremendous..

Original poster
pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 11:45

I do think we need couples counselling, but he would never go to anything like that. I actually have asked him in the past, and he just thinks it's a big joke. I honestly would have to go through with the first steps to divorcing him to even make him go to couples counselling with me.

OP posts:
Comtesse · 30/05/2024 11:48

I would be annoyed too - how rude!

fieldsofbutterflies · 30/05/2024 11:50

The mileage thing comes across as though you think he's too stupid to consider it - like you're being a bit patronising almost.

Of course interrupting someone is rude but so is that ^^ imo.

PashaMinaMio · 30/05/2024 11:59

Get yourself a “talking stick!” (Can be any appropriate easy to hold item. Even a wooden spoon or a duster!
(Anything handy at the time.)

When you are holding the “stick” you get to speak uninterrupted. You hand it to him to speak when you have finished. You must not interrupt him though.

This might seem childish or controlling but there were times when I had to use it during discussions I cared about with my late husband. It stopped him habitually talking over me/talking down to me because somehow it focused his mind on being more careful about the conversation. It also slowed everything down and he became more considerate about what I was trying to say.

Original poster
pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 11:59

@fieldsofbutterflies but he didn't consider it! In fact he still hasn't messaged the guy to tell him... I just don't want the sale to fall through because the buyer wasn't told... It's both his and my car I do think me having input is totally valid!

OP posts:
Floorbard · 30/05/2024 12:00

Megera · 30/05/2024 11:21

I get tedious vibes all round here…

Where do you get that from?

Original poster
pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 12:01

@PashaMinaMio that actually sounds like a really good idea. And might get my point across that I really dislike not being able to speak without being interrupted. And we'll both feel listened to.

I remember doing something in school similar. He does it to a few people, me especially though so maybe he's forgot conversation etiquette, I don't know...

OP posts:
Chocaholicnightmare · 30/05/2024 12:08

He does sound like a know-all, and we all know that speaking to your partner with contempt is a slippery slope. I would address things when you're not angry with him. Go for a walk or something. You're probably a little more sensitive than usual with your hormones (not excusing him- he's still annoying!). I hope he is a supportive husband when it comes to a new baby or he will irritate you even more. Good luck x

GingerPirate · 30/05/2024 14:12

My narcissistic mother is like this.
Haven't visited her for 5 years in another country.

fieldsofbutterflies · 30/05/2024 14:35

pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 11:59

@fieldsofbutterflies but he didn't consider it! In fact he still hasn't messaged the guy to tell him... I just don't want the sale to fall through because the buyer wasn't told... It's both his and my car I do think me having input is totally valid!

Any buyer would expect mileage to increase over a month though.

I wouldn't feel the need to tell someone that mileage would go up by 2k, it's hardly going to make a difference surely?

mumda · 30/05/2024 14:47

pebblesssss · 30/05/2024 11:45

I do think we need couples counselling, but he would never go to anything like that. I actually have asked him in the past, and he just thinks it's a big joke. I honestly would have to go through with the first steps to divorcing him to even make him go to couples counselling with me.

Well divorce him and after a year of not living with him decide if your life is better or worse.