Was MIL being unreasonable to phone me at work

[Candy155320]

My DD20 is going holiday Tom and was very busy today with appointments/packing. Had quite a few missed calls today from MIL (can’t have phone at work on me only on my break) saying that DD wasn’t getting phone and had she done anything to her. I explained to her that she was just busy with appointments/packing to which MIL replied to me she was very upset. I again explained to her the situation and then said to me I hope you don’t mind me phoning you at work about this. I then messaged my DD and she said she was busy and couldn’t get the phone but she was going to contact her late afternoon. MIL after I explained this to her proceeded to turn on the waterworks crying to me saying how upset she is & how she had the confidence telling me this. This made me feel very upset as it made me panic thinking ot was emergency and also the fact that she created drama while I was at my work over this. DH said to me she’s got a lot on her mind with caring for FIL who has Dementia but I feel that although this is the case it’s not fair of her to contact me at work over this. So AIBU thinking this or was MIL being unreasonable here

Your MIL is clearly unreasonable in this situation but I guess she's not coping with looking after her husband so is maybe sensitive.

I have similar with my FIL who kept calling me at work when I couldn't get hold of someone. I had to be very firm with him and be clear that I couldn't answer at work all the time so if I didn't answer he should accept that and not call again.

Why didn’t she ring your dh?
Is your job less important?

100% this.
Get your DH to check in/phone/visit PIL . The first call MIL should be making is to your DH, not to you!

I have no idea but when I asked her she said to me I wanted to tell you

Should I speak to MIL again or leave it

I’m confused. Why was she so desperate to speak to your daughter? What was the problem in not being able to get hold of her?

No need to.
If she is struggling with FIL, get your DH to call her/drop into her on a regular basis, or as much as he can. Let him be the main point of contact

Don’t understand the comment about her having the confidence to tell you she was upset? Either way it was clearly important to her to wish your child well. Did your DD really not have 5 minutes to take one of her calls?

My DD is going holiday Tom but as she couldn’t get the phone she thinks that my DD didn’t want to speak to her which is very untrue

And you didn’t ask her why she wanted to tell you?

This whole thing is a bit strange. What was she even ringing your DD for? What is she claiming to be so hurt about?

So you said DD was busy. What’s the problem? Why does this escalate to her ringing you at work?

it sounds to me like your MIL may be really struggling with FIL and dementia and is feeling overwhelmed. so maybe she was trying to reach out for support but was clumsy about it. she shouldn't have called at work, but maybe things at her home are worse than you think.

get your DH to talk to her properly and maybe visit at the weekend to support her etc.

No cos when MIL phoned her she was driving the car & then she phoned her again while she was having a bath so that’s why DD couldn’t take her call.

This just sounds like nonsense. If she's having a difficult time due to caring responsibilities then she has to express that outside of your working hours and preferably to her son. I would certainly make clear that she can't contact you at work.

Your DD was able to reply to you when you asked what she was doing but couldn't take a couple of minutes to answer the phone to her grandma?
Don't speak to your MIL about this, just leave it now. She's obviously struggling, it's stressful caring for someone with dementia, and she's probably lonely as well.

She wanted to tell me that she was hurt that DD couldn’t answer phone to her and then when I explained to her why she couldn’t she turned on the waterworks

My DD did not reply back to me straight away she messaged me after half hour saying to me she would contact MIL at some point late afternoon

I did say to MIL only contact me at work in emergency not to tell me that DD couldn’t get the phone to her

Why you as opposed to your DH? Why is someone being busy (and ringing her back later) cause for tears? Why does this merit ringing you at work?

Did you question any of this?

Even though DD is going on holiday these days it’s not like you can’t be contacted while away unless you are off to a remote jungle.

you will get to a stage where it’s like the boy that cried wolf as the phone will be ringing and something will have happened.

tell your DH to sort their mum out. Go round there and see how she is if local. Has the council been in to see about support etc

I have no idea but I think that although she’s struggling with FIL she’s taken offence and gets upset at the slightest thing

So she didn’t think to ring her Nan back after she had got out of the car?
Also, you didn’t need to answer the call from her at work. So much angst about a trivial thing!

Yes to this.

Is she normally the kind of person who turns every occasion into one revolving around her and her feelings? Does she look for attention? Does she feel rejected when people are not paying her the attention she thinks she needs?

Why all the drama? Your MIL has a lot on her plate, she wanted to do a nice thing and talk to your dd before her holiday and just got overwhelmed. This happens to older people. If it’s a one off there is no need for a ‘big talk’ just empathy and forgiveness. Why is this so difficult?

turned on the waterworks
Twice you’ve said this now, you clearly don’t like her. She was trying to do something nice. She was ignored and then upset. You sound quite horrible.