Did I put my foot in it with colleague

[Hayfevercandie]

I work in a team where we're all kinda fairly young and have a good laugh. There's a guy in the team who's very young, early 20s and he likes to be the clown of the group in a way. People rib him in an endearing way and he's definitely known as the joker of the group.

Anyway he's on leave ATM but has been sending occasional pictures and updates to our work group chat.

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!
He replied briefly saying thanks will do, and that's all.

A couple of hours later another guy in the team messaged on our group chat saying to him 'Are you still alive?"

He didn't reply for a bit and I put in a jokey way "Yeah I can confirm I heard from him earlier and all's good".

About 20 minutes later I got a private message from him telling me not to do that again, and that he will do it in his own time. He said it was not my place and then a few other things I just skimmed over as I deleted the message out of embarrassment.

I apologised and said I totally understand. I know from a mental health point of view there's more than meets the eye and he can occasionally seem quite irritable and withdrawn.

Anyway I've no intention of saying anything else or messaging. Does it sound like I put my foot in it?

He basically said 'Do not ever message on behalf of me'

@Hayfevercandie no idea what you’ve done wrong other than perhaps he doesn’t like that you’ve said to the group you’ve privately messaged each other. You’ve apologised and said you understand. I would leave it now.

Sounds like he was attention seeking and you ruined it by answering for him. He has a lot of growing up to do.
Forget it, you've apologised so nothing more to do or say.

Perhaps he is a bit sensitive, perhaps he likes to keep people ‘guessing’
perhaps he thought your message overstepped as others might have wrongly assumed you have more of a ‘relationship’ by you mentioning you had been communicating separately with him. Hard to know really!

We private messaged before as we used to work together before the others came and we've known each other a while. So they are aware of the fact we're already mates kinda thing, so yeh it could be that. I feel silly but you're right, I'll just leave it now.

I agree with the other postera. I wouldnt give him another thought.

Deffo nothing going on in that sense, I'm 13 years older than him and he's certainly not for me 🤣
Yeah he can sometimes be a bit 'funny' I guess, he does like attention, but yeah I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on.

@Hayfevercandie youve done nothing wrong x

I wouldn’t give it any headspace, personally, but then I’d probably have told him to cop himself on rather than apologising.

This sounds completely ridiculous - he is over-reacting to a non-issue.

Agree, no call for that kind of message from him. Not so jokey now is he? Maybe he's got demons and he's taking it out on you.

If you did it all the time then maybe understandable.

He's the one who should be giving his head a wobble.

Yeah I discussed it with another colleague who said the guy's being an idiot

I know he suffers a bit with his mental health so I'll try cut him some slack I suppose

I'd have told him he was completely overreacting rather than apologise.

I don't do it all the time that was the first time to my knowledge

I wouldn't have done that. Gossiping about it will probably get back to him.

I'm old, admittedly, but I wouldn't message a colleague if they were on annual leave and I definitely wouldn't message someone who gave their number to the group, not me.

Sounds like he's over reacting a lot but maybe wants some distance from work when he's on break? Maybe he felt a bit smothered when you said "miss you" but I'm over analyzing and it really isn't a big deal.

I have mental health issues and would not object to someone answering on my behalf. Very odd.

The 'are you still alive?' message to the group was the weirdest of the whole exchange. Who does that after a couple of hours when a colleague is on leave. He might have been sending periodic updates, but after a DM from you, then the 'are you alive?' group message, then you confirming to the group that you had been speaking to him separately but not the group, I think I'd be pretty pissed off whilst on my annual leave too.

As I said before he has been regularly messaging the work group chat since he's been away, sending pictures and stuff. As I've written this he's just sent a picture on the chat. Anyway I'll know not to message him again!

It's not been a couple of hours, he's been away nearly a week but hadn't heard from him in a few days until now.

Also I said "we miss you" as opposed to just me.
He kept repeatedly saying before he left that he'd miss us guys but that we'd enjoy the peace and quiet. Anyway lesson learned I've zero intention of messaging him again 🤣

He's been messaging us himself from leave on his holiday, and I've had his private number for quite a while. He texted me privately the other day asking for someone else from work's number.

I don't think you made any faux pas.
For some reason he didn't like you doing it, but I don't think this could have been foreseen.