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Original poster

Did I put my foot in it with colleague

132 replies

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:11

I work in a team where we're all kinda fairly young and have a good laugh. There's a guy in the team who's very young, early 20s and he likes to be the clown of the group in a way. People rib him in an endearing way and he's definitely known as the joker of the group.

Anyway he's on leave ATM but has been sending occasional pictures and updates to our work group chat.

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!
He replied briefly saying thanks will do, and that's all.

A couple of hours later another guy in the team messaged on our group chat saying to him 'Are you still alive?"

He didn't reply for a bit and I put in a jokey way "Yeah I can confirm I heard from him earlier and all's good".

About 20 minutes later I got a private message from him telling me not to do that again, and that he will do it in his own time. He said it was not my place and then a few other things I just skimmed over as I deleted the message out of embarrassment.

I apologised and said I totally understand. I know from a mental health point of view there's more than meets the eye and he can occasionally seem quite irritable and withdrawn.

Anyway I've no intention of saying anything else or messaging. Does it sound like I put my foot in it?

OP posts:
showerjelly · 30/05/2024 05:54

He sounds like a right pain, honestly I'd have ignored his rant, he's being ridiculous.

bungaloid · 30/05/2024 06:03

Weirdo alert, steer well clear

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 06:04

OP, he's a twat and could be nasty.
Be very wary of him. Absolutely no engagement going foward.
Be warned!

TroysMammy · 30/05/2024 06:06

Bigcat25 · 29/05/2024 15:51

Sounds like he's over reacting a lot but maybe wants some distance from work when he's on break? Maybe he felt a bit smothered when you said "miss you" but I'm over analyzing and it really isn't a big deal.

The OP said that he has been sending occasional photos and updates to the group chat. That's hardly him wanting some distance from work when he's contacting them.

Original poster
Hayfevercandie · 30/05/2024 06:23

Yes, as I said he'd reached out to me 2 days prior for a mutual colleague's number as he wanted to contact him whilst away

OP posts:
WB205020 · 30/05/2024 06:29

@Hayfevercandie First thing that comes to mind is he is a rude little shit. You have no need to apologise. I’d have responded with something like ‘seriously?! Grow up and don’t speak to me like that again.’

ignore him from now on. If he messages you privately don’t respond.

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 06:58

WB205020 · 30/05/2024 06:29

@Hayfevercandie First thing that comes to mind is he is a rude little shit. You have no need to apologise. I’d have responded with something like ‘seriously?! Grow up and don’t speak to me like that again.’

ignore him from now on. If he messages you privately don’t respond.

Should he come near you again OP, you could tell him the above in person.
Better than by text.
He is very rude and has overstepped.

Although probably wiser to just blank him, certainly NEVER respond to ANY message of his, even the group one.

Lampslights · 30/05/2024 07:00

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 06:58

Should he come near you again OP, you could tell him the above in person.
Better than by text.
He is very rude and has overstepped.

Although probably wiser to just blank him, certainly NEVER respond to ANY message of his, even the group one.

Show quote history

This is all very dramatic. You do understand he’s a colleague and they need to work together. She overstepped, he snapped, it is best they maintain a civil relationship rather than declare all out war.

wizarddry · 30/05/2024 07:02

Lampslights · 30/05/2024 07:00

This is all very dramatic. You do understand he’s a colleague and they need to work together. She overstepped, he snapped, it is best they maintain a civil relationship rather than declare all out war.

Show quote history

Oh thank goodness I thought it was just me who thought this is all getting blown out of proportion!

wizarddry · 30/05/2024 07:03

Hayfevercandie · 30/05/2024 06:23

Yes, as I said he'd reached out to me 2 days prior for a mutual colleague's number as he wanted to contact him whilst away

Why are all your colleagues so intermeshed? This isn't healthy

Howbizarre22 · 30/05/2024 07:08

Wow he sounds like he’s got issues. His message was quite rude, I’d be giving him a wide berth if I were you. You’re not unreasonable to be a bit taken aback by this but I would probably keep my distance from now.

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 07:12

wizarddry · 30/05/2024 07:03

Why are all your colleagues so intermeshed? This isn't healthy

Show quote history

This!
He's 20 and you are 33 and texting him to say you missed him!?

Way too much
He's putting you in your place as he feels uncomfortable with your behaviour.
Instead of calling him names,listen and back off
I'm cringing tbh

Bearbookagainandagain · 30/05/2024 07:16

I have been friend with a colleague for a few years (beyond the workplace), but would never message on her behalf on our work WhatsApp group unless she asks me to. And it would definitely bother me if she did.
I'm not exactly sure why though... It feels like I want to keep control of my image and the information I communicate with work, so if someone gets involved I would lose that control.

Devilshands · 30/05/2024 07:28

He sounds like a cock and tbh MH is no excuse to be rude to someone.

I’d stay well clear. He’s not your friend, OP. And I’d bet my bank balance that, at some point, he’ll accuse a colleague of inappropriate behaviour - whether or not it’s true - given his rudeness to you and general attitude you’ve described. Best stay clear

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 07:31

He’s not your friend, OP
I think that's why he is asserting this,Op has absolutely overstepped in messaging him plus replying for him
He's done nothing wrong

showerjelly · 30/05/2024 07:32

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 07:31

He’s not your friend, OP
I think that's why he is asserting this,Op has absolutely overstepped in messaging him plus replying for him
He's done nothing wrong

Did you read the OPs comments, he messaged her to ask for a colleagues number, she responded!

What's she done wrong there?

Should she have ignored him?

Lifelong · 30/05/2024 07:34

Civil in work for sure, but absolutely not outside work.
He is rude.
She has zero need to be engaging with him outside of work.

diddl · 30/05/2024 07:34

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 21:10

Im actually slightly annoyed now, who does he think he is speaking to me like that, he's 20 FFS.
I could understand if I done it repeatedly but that was the only time. I'll be giving him a wide berth. I know for a fact he wouldn't speak to his beloved friend like that (the one whose number he asked me for)

But conversely-who do you think you are answering for him?

What does difference him having asked for someone's number make?

You're starting to sound as dramatic as him!

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 07:36

showerjelly · 30/05/2024 07:32

Did you read the OPs comments, he messaged her to ask for a colleagues number, she responded!

What's she done wrong there?

Should she have ignored him?

Show quote history

Yes and so she should have replied with the number
All the " miss you" is ott for a work colleague.

Clearly he feels its overstepping so the advice to stop contacting him is spot on !

SpringerFall · 30/05/2024 07:39

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 07:31

He’s not your friend, OP
I think that's why he is asserting this,Op has absolutely overstepped in messaging him plus replying for him
He's done nothing wrong

Well he is male that is against him

EatTheGnome · 30/05/2024 07:45

Not sure about this one. I was 100% he is a dick but the more I see of your replies the less sure I am.

You shouldn't have put it in the group chat but his reaction was quite full on - it was at least private.

You definitely shouldn't have made it public and gossiped about it to a work colleague then dropped off the group chat because people will now talk.

Youve now started a public thread because your colleagues word wasny enough.

Was he actually dressing down the colleague who said he was a stats whizz or did he literally just say everyone works at their own pace?

On the surface he sounds like hard work but actually perhaps he is just a little clumsy.

And you saying "he's 20 FFS" is ageist. He can still be pissed off. Him being 20 wasn't a problem when you were friendly with him but now...what, are you saying exactly? Because he's 20 he's wrong? Too immature? He wsnt immature when you were texting him.

CocoapuffPuff · 30/05/2024 07:49

I'd delete his personal number and block it, certainly from my work phone. Keep it work phone professional, and you can't go wrong.

Holluschickie · 30/05/2024 07:53

You all sound overinvested in each other. All this gushing " We will miss you" after only a week is weird. Put some boundaries in

WimpoleHat · 30/05/2024 08:06

He’s not your friend, OP. And I’d bet my bank balance that, at some point, he’ll accuse a colleague of inappropriate behaviour

Hate to say it, but this occurred to me. Keep things light and friendly, by all means - but strictly professional. See this as a warning shot across the bows where he’s concerned.

Trunkybum · 30/05/2024 08:27

I agree with some of the other posters who’ve said he was attention seeking.

he might have some MH issues but that doesn’t mean you can’t also be a needy, attention seeking twat. He wanted people to start worrying about him. Your colleagues realise that about him too so you’ve no reason to feel bad.