Did I put my foot in it with colleague

[Hayfevercandie]

I work in a team where we're all kinda fairly young and have a good laugh. There's a guy in the team who's very young, early 20s and he likes to be the clown of the group in a way. People rib him in an endearing way and he's definitely known as the joker of the group.

Anyway he's on leave ATM but has been sending occasional pictures and updates to our work group chat.

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!
He replied briefly saying thanks will do, and that's all.

A couple of hours later another guy in the team messaged on our group chat saying to him 'Are you still alive?"

He didn't reply for a bit and I put in a jokey way "Yeah I can confirm I heard from him earlier and all's good".

About 20 minutes later I got a private message from him telling me not to do that again, and that he will do it in his own time. He said it was not my place and then a few other things I just skimmed over as I deleted the message out of embarrassment.

I apologised and said I totally understand. I know from a mental health point of view there's more than meets the eye and he can occasionally seem quite irritable and withdrawn.

Anyway I've no intention of saying anything else or messaging. Does it sound like I put my foot in it?

You definitely didn't do anything wrong.

He's being v sensitive.

He's getting on my nerves, he's now sending a ton of messages/jokes on the group chat as we speak. I'm not having any part in it, I'll just focus on others I think.

He sounds a prat. I wouldn’t give it any thought. You’ve obviously stepped on his toes in some way but I couldn’t be arsed over analysing him if his sensitivities are triggered that easily.

Drama over nothing. (Him, not you!)

I'm sure it'll be forgotten in a couple of days :)

He had a go at a different colleague because X colleague joked he's a stats whizz and always exceeds his targets. The guy addressed him publicly telling him we all work at different paces and that he's no right bringing that up.

Probably just felt embarrassed/wanted to be modest understandably however this colleague got a similar 'dressing down!'

He's a knob

I'd mute the chat now. No need to feed the drama.

However, I think you were out of line to talk about this with another colleague. He messaged you privately and you've shared that convo.

If I were your team leader, I'd be encouraging you all to reduce the chat during work hours. I'm all for a friendly team atmosphere, but when it goes wrong (as it has here) it can impact negatively on the job you're supposed to be doing.

You are right, I was just upset and felt in the wrong, so I confided in a colleague about it.

It's just a group WhatsApp chat, there are no issues with that usually, it's normally fine. I think it should carry on, but I'll give this person a wide berth for now as it could be risky.

He sounds like an attention seeking dick to me.

Sounds like you have a Drama Lhama on your hands !!

He sounds like a complete diva

I'd nickname him Mariah

This.

Your colleague is right.

There was absolutely no need for that response.

I wouldn't be messaging him privately anymore

I don't often message him privately, he messaged me about 3 days ago asking for our colleague's number as he wants to keep in touch whilst away, and then I sent him that msg but honestly won't be doing so anymore, we're all different but I guess it shows you never know how people will react and people can be offended at different things.

Not your place?! Very OTT, he needs to get over himself.

He sounds like a nutter. Bet he wouldn't tell off one of your male colleagues like that. I'd avoid messaging him again, tbh.

He sounds a prickly pain in the neck. There’s usually one

He sounds like a prick. He may also have been afraid someone would think you were more than just friends, especially with the age difference. I'd handle him very differently from now on.

Yeah maybe, but everyone seems to know there's absolutely nothing between us. They also knew I knew him beforehand from another department. But indeed I've zero intention of speaking to him now, whether privately or on the group chat.

Seems like 'he is the drama.'

Why do people use mental health as an excuse for rudeness? He sounds like a tosser. I would not be engaging with him again in any way, shape or form. Unless it's strictly work related

Actually, yes, I think you were wrong: I used to have a 'friendly' older colleague who used to talk ahead of me a lot and at the time (bear in mind this was a long time before IM platforms such as WhatsApp or Teams) I thought they were just doing me a solid.

With hindsight, it did feel demeaning and patronising, as though I was a child who couldn't reliably speak on their own behalf.

It still rankles me slightly when I think about it now, in my mid-40s.

As others have said, just leave it: you've obviously touched a nerve and for the good of your working and personal relationship, I think it would be best to take a step back.

I can see his point although I think he handled it badly.

I'm guessing that the "are you dead" sender wasn't desperately in need of reassurance that everything was OK.

So you jumping in seemed unnecessary.

I suppose he didn't want your chats as friends & the group colleague chats to overlap.

I'd have been tempted to reply 'Please don't ever police my messaging.'