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Original poster

Did I put my foot in it with colleague

132 replies

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 15:11

I work in a team where we're all kinda fairly young and have a good laugh. There's a guy in the team who's very young, early 20s and he likes to be the clown of the group in a way. People rib him in an endearing way and he's definitely known as the joker of the group.

Anyway he's on leave ATM but has been sending occasional pictures and updates to our work group chat.

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!
He replied briefly saying thanks will do, and that's all.

A couple of hours later another guy in the team messaged on our group chat saying to him 'Are you still alive?"

He didn't reply for a bit and I put in a jokey way "Yeah I can confirm I heard from him earlier and all's good".

About 20 minutes later I got a private message from him telling me not to do that again, and that he will do it in his own time. He said it was not my place and then a few other things I just skimmed over as I deleted the message out of embarrassment.

I apologised and said I totally understand. I know from a mental health point of view there's more than meets the eye and he can occasionally seem quite irritable and withdrawn.

Anyway I've no intention of saying anything else or messaging. Does it sound like I put my foot in it?

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 30/05/2024 08:30

Don't talk about him with your colleagues. It will backfire. Just step back completely.

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 30/05/2024 08:32

OP isn't really 'answering on his behalf' - it's a group chat, she's commenting that she heard from him and he seems fine - adding her perspective.

Answering on his behalf would be, say, if someone said "Bob, where are you going on holiday this year" and OP answered "He's going to Majorca".

GanninHyem · 30/05/2024 08:50

Do yous get any work done in between all this drama? Both of you sound like you need to grow up tbh. He flew off the handle and you're speaking for people and butting in when you don't need to. Stop ruminating over it and treat your 20 year old colleagues like that, colleagues, not bezzie mates.

GanninHyem · 30/05/2024 08:55

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 30/05/2024 08:32

OP isn't really 'answering on his behalf' - it's a group chat, she's commenting that she heard from him and he seems fine - adding her perspective.

Answering on his behalf would be, say, if someone said "Bob, where are you going on holiday this year" and OP answered "He's going to Majorca".

If course it's answering for him.

Someone asked HIM if HE was still alive and OP responded. The bloke might have wanted to answer for himself and the question asked might have wanted to hear from the man himself, not his harpee in accounts or whatever. How is it not answering for him!?

That line if questioning obviously opens up a 'hows the holiday, what you been up to' conversation which OP can't and shouldn't be having in his response.

Either way the entire team sound in each others pockets and insufferable. Who wants running updates on colleagues then they're in Tenerife for a week man

showerjelly · 30/05/2024 09:12

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 30/05/2024 08:32

OP isn't really 'answering on his behalf' - it's a group chat, she's commenting that she heard from him and he seems fine - adding her perspective.

Answering on his behalf would be, say, if someone said "Bob, where are you going on holiday this year" and OP answered "He's going to Majorca".

Agreed! It was a group chat, fine for other contributions.

Northernparent68 · 30/05/2024 09:19

The lesson to be learnt here is work group chats rarely work out

Runsyd · 30/05/2024 09:21

He's a twat. You did nothing wrong. Keep your distance from now on.

Feelsodrained · 30/05/2024 09:58

What a weirdo. I’d give him a wide berth and not reply to that message or anything else again. Totally out of order and aggressive. Doubt he’d have done that if you were a male older colleague somehow.

Feelsodrained · 30/05/2024 10:00

Hayfevercandie · 29/05/2024 16:45

I'm sure it'll be forgotten in a couple of days :)

He had a go at a different colleague because X colleague joked he's a stats whizz and always exceeds his targets. The guy addressed him publicly telling him we all work at different paces and that he's no right bringing that up.

Probably just felt embarrassed/wanted to be modest understandably however this colleague got a similar 'dressing down!'

Oh man what a wanker. Sounds like some undiagnosed personality disorder tbh.

jennylamb1 · 30/05/2024 10:06

I would give him a wide berth, we had a colleague at work who was like that and I did have the feeling that he would have happily reported other people for their comments.

Original poster
Hayfevercandie · 30/05/2024 10:08

Feelsodrained · 30/05/2024 09:58

What a weirdo. I’d give him a wide berth and not reply to that message or anything else again. Totally out of order and aggressive. Doubt he’d have done that if you were a male older colleague somehow.

Exactly. The mutual friend whose number he asked me for, I can 100% guarantee he would not be receiving such a message.

OP posts:
RhubarbAndFlustered · 30/05/2024 10:11

He sounds like a drama llama and I've noticed in my long life that those who fly off the handle in such a way for such a silly thing, rarely mean it but do it almost in a way to exert dominance or to push when they think someone is getting bold or confident. He knows he's put you on the back foot and that's what he wants whether he's consciously aware of it or not.

For your own sake OP stop replying to him in the group chat and block his personal telephone number. If anything arises then you want that number firmly in your blocked list so it's nothing to do with you.

MargaretThursday · 30/05/2024 10:41

Who's causing drama?
He's sent one private message asking op not to speak on his behalf.
Op has sent a message in the group on behalf of him, started a thread on mn and spoken to at least one colleague.

Beebop1784 · 30/05/2024 10:45

It sounds like he found your "miss you" comment weird, given his short response. You then made it seem to the rest of the group that you chat regularly outside of the group, I would probably be weirded out too if an older colleague acted like this.

RhubarbAndFlustered · 30/05/2024 10:51

MargaretThursday · 30/05/2024 10:41

Who's causing drama?
He's sent one private message asking op not to speak on his behalf.
Op has sent a message in the group on behalf of him, started a thread on mn and spoken to at least one colleague.

Looking at what OP says, the message she received was not pleasant and was more than enough to cause her to become upset. By the sounds of it, he didn't just simply ask her not to respond for him but mentioned multiple things? Seems like overkill/dramatic response to me

WhenTheMoonShines · 30/05/2024 11:28

I think it’s fine to tell someone that you’re not comfortable with them speaking on your behalf, I don’t understand why that’s not a good thing to do. There’s been a clear boundary set, even if OP doesn’t understand it (and I don’t either, but a boundary is a boundary and we shouldn’t be calling others weirdos and wankers for not liking another person speaking on their behalf).

StolenCookie · 30/05/2024 11:30

That was a completely unnecessary and dramatic message for him to send. He honestly sounds really unpleasant. Does he think he is royalty? I wouldn’t consider him a friend whatsoever, OP. And after you said you’d miss him too!

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 12:09

MargaretThursday · 30/05/2024 10:41

Who's causing drama?
He's sent one private message asking op not to speak on his behalf.
Op has sent a message in the group on behalf of him, started a thread on mn and spoken to at least one colleague.

Exactly
Just reverse it

20 year old being texted on leave by 30s Op
Gushing about miss you etccringe
Replying on his behalf
Getting snotty when he asks her to stop
Telling other colleagues, is going to block etc

Seriously he's not the issue here

MargaretThursday · 30/05/2024 12:17

RhubarbAndFlustered · 30/05/2024 10:51

Looking at what OP says, the message she received was not pleasant and was more than enough to cause her to become upset. By the sounds of it, he didn't just simply ask her not to respond for him but mentioned multiple things? Seems like overkill/dramatic response to me

Show quote history

But in private isn't the sign of someone being dramatic. If he was being dramatic he would have put it on the group chat.

The only one taking it public and building up the drama is the op

Amx · 30/05/2024 14:00

He's a drama llama. Don't engage.

showerjelly · 30/05/2024 14:19

@VoteHappy the OP was responding to his message, he messaged her from his holiday,

VoteHappy · 30/05/2024 14:44

showerjelly · 30/05/2024 14:19

@VoteHappy the OP was responding to his message, he messaged her from his holiday,

He messaged the group chat then

I texted him briefly saying, hope you're having an amazing time, stay safe, we miss you!

Op has clearly overstepped

No need for hes personality disordered,a wanker, a drama llama.

Just respect his boundaries and stop texting him

ashitghost · 30/05/2024 14:54

He sounds like a right prick. Don’t let him order you about or embarrass you. Sat there like Mr Bigshot on his holiday.

Left · 30/05/2024 17:26

To me it reads like he was embarrassed that another colleague mocked him (asking if he was still alive), but he took his embarrassment out on you.

Bellsandthistle · 30/05/2024 17:39

Surely the answer will be in the long message he sent you that you skimmed over and deleted. No point asking us when he sent you a reply but you didn’t read it 😂

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