Telling in-laws about pregnancy at a milestone birthday?

[GoldSquare]

So 100% get not announcing a pregnancy at a wedding/someone else’s event etc. But this is in-laws we are travelling up to see for an informal birthday event, but a milestone birthday. Event isn’t the day of birthday and is a drop in/out type thing. We want to tell them first before other family members, so wondering how it would go down if we told them at a time there was no one else there apart from us? They wouldn’t have to tell anyone else, or would it over shadow their day? We are travelling on afterwards and won’t see them in person for another few months maybe so it would be over the phone if not then.
YABU - don’t tell them in person, wait and tell them over the phone
YANBU - tell them if you see them with no one else there

Jeez I just told my mum on WhatsApp 3x and she passed the message on to my dad I guess 🤣🤣 DH same - WhatsApp a scan pic job done. Wish we had closer family relations really. Huh.

I think people started off by tiptoeing more and more around brides on wedding days, and not wanting to do anything that draws attention to themselves on “her” day, and now that whole dynamic has started transferring itself to things like birthdays, with people starting to suggest that nobody should do or say anything attention-worthy on the birthday person’s Big Day (despite the fact that most adults do not actually give a shit about this kind of thing).

By 2030, I expect we’ll be getting AIBU discussions along the lines of “My friend Sarah has invited a bunch of us to get together for a coffee. AIBU to let the group know I’ve been promoted during the conversation we have over coffee? After all, Sarah is the one that has organized the coffee get-together, it is Her Event. I wouldn’t want to overshadow her highly important Coffee Get-Together Hostess Moment or look like I am trying to draw attention away from her for any reason….”

See also: wedding outfits. It started off with reasonable rules about not wearing a white dress or head to toe black- now increasingly, anything dark is too close to black, anything pale is too close to white, anything too fancy is “attention seeking,” a long dress “makes it look like you are trying to pass as a bridesmaid”…. It’s funny how men don’t seem to spend their lives panicking about this kind of stuff.

@GreenTeaLikesMe Most adults do care very much about milestone birthdays.

Anyone who would get upset about a 60th birthday (or whatever it was) being “overshadowed” by a piece of news about a grandchild being on the way sounds like they should be celebrating their 6th birthday not their 60th, seriously.

yeah but this is you. The reason people advise to not overshadow, is that we don't know who the person is whose event it is. They could be one who would react very badly, ruin everything etc. So always best to err on the side of caution.