Telling in-laws about pregnancy at a milestone birthday?

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So 100% get not announcing a pregnancy at a wedding/someone else’s event etc. But this is in-laws we are travelling up to see for an informal birthday event, but a milestone birthday. Event isn’t the day of birthday and is a drop in/out type thing. We want to tell them first before other family members, so wondering how it would go down if we told them at a time there was no one else there apart from us? They wouldn’t have to tell anyone else, or would it over shadow their day? We are travelling on afterwards and won’t see them in person for another few months maybe so it would be over the phone if not then.
YABU - don’t tell them in person, wait and tell them over the phone
YANBU - tell them if you see them with no one else there

Most parents I know would be massively offended not to be told in person if there's opportunity to do so, plus being amongst the last to know.
I vote tell them in person and the card is a lovely idea, I think the only way they'd react poorly to that is if they're quite uptight and stuffy and thrive on being the centre of attention which I'm sure you and your DH will know.

I would personally prefer to do in person and if you do with just them, it wouldn't be like you were stealing their thunder. You could even make it into like a present, like a copy of the scan wrapped up or something. It is then yours and their choice if you tell anyone else at that time or not. I would imagine they would be over joyed by the news not annoyed you announce it to them at this time.

I had similar happen on my 30th. I’m really sorry - I remember the feeling all too well.

It's their day. Telephone them when you return home, they will be delighted and pleased that you didn't take the shine off their day.

Congratulations! I’d definitely tell them in person as you planned. It is still something really special, no matter if they have other grandkids. I hope they are delighted with the news.

Please phone then.
When I was much much younger and so immature I was always stealing my sisters thunder

She said, what ever I do in(sister ) you Tammy come out with something- news Flash we don't see each other now.

FaceTime them

Are they someone who loves being the centre of attention? If so, wait, or do it beforehand. And obviously don’t do it if it’s like to make anyone else at the event sad (like if there’s another family member who’s struggling to concieve or something).

I’d be thrilled if a close family member announced something like that at my birthday. As long as I got to see all my friends and family and eat cake, I’d not be bothered at all about everyone gushing over a new family member to be. The more the merrier! :)

What a waste of money on Disney tickets if you can't go on the rides!

If I was the parents I would prefer you phoned me. I had a few miscarriages and when someone close to me tells me they are pregnant, I always worry they will miscarry. I would prefer a few days at least to appear appropriately happy in person before seeing you, rather than my mixed emotions showing.

This. Phone and tell them now. Problem solved.

Has the world gone mad?

I know you shouldn't have engagement/baby announcements at a wedding (though I'd have loved it at mine). But now you can't tell in laws on their birthday incase you steal their thunder?

People know this is good news right?

Most people would be thrilled they were becoming grandparents and be on cloud nine. And anyone over the age of eight who huffs over a birthday needs to catch a grip.

But if your in laws are odd people then I'd just tell them over the phone.

Another "just tell them". You don't have to "announce" anything.

I know! Some of the responses on this thread are bizarre. For most adults, a birthday celebration is just an excuse to see a whole bunch of friends and family and have a bit too much booze - it's not about wanting to be the Birthday Boy/Girl and get all this attention for being a certain age.

They're your husband's parents and he's said that he doesn't want to tell them at the birthday event. You need to respect that.

Make a special phone call a week or two before the birthday and then it’s special news and you’re not overshadowing the event. I’m sure they’ll be delighted to congratulate you in person when they see you.

No reason to make a big announcement. Just tell them today. When the baby's born that will be the time for the spotlight.

Can’t you call them before the event to let them know? It would mean not intruding on a day that is about them and mean that there’ll be no awkward questions about why you’re not drinking or eating the sushi (or whatever).

Thank you for all the comments, really is a bizarre divide of people who think they don’t want to know and telling me I’m not doing what my DH wants. He does want to tell them in person and had a wobble.
Appreciate no one cares but us, no one is excited/it’s not an announcement just telling parents!
So we will be telling them in person when seeing them on their own. And to clarify that is my DH’s decision about his parents, not me making him do anything. I would happily tell them on the phone and looking forward more to see my friends who I know will be excited. Although I guess that is the wrong reaction judging my half the posts on this thread!

telling me I’m not doing what my DH wants. He does want to tell them in person and had a wobble.

Well, we can only go by what you told us. Which was that your husband wasn't "expecting a glowing response" and wanted to tell them by phone.

And it's clear that you wouldn't "happily tell them on the phone" - you have been consistently petulant and passive-agressive in response to those who suggested you do that.

I definitely think it would be weird to tell them over the phone when you’re seeing them soon - it’s absolutely the kind of news that’s nice to be told in person, if possible. It doesn’t sound like this event is much of a big deal even if it is a milestone birthday, so I don’t think it matters if you tell them then, but I guess it depends on the kind of people they are and if they would usually be put out by not being the complete centre of attention? Also how you think they’ll feel about the news itself? My dad isn’t the kind of person to show excitement about anything so he didn’t seem excited about his first grandchild even though he was. When I told him about our second, the first thing he said was that it was time for me to “shut up shop now” 🤣 My in-laws were just as excited about their second and third as they were their first - the more the merrier for them! And that reflects in the style of grandparenting from both sides too, and in turn our kids’ relationships with them!

Anyway, whatever you decide - congratulations!!

@GCAcademic I’m ND so please read back through my posts and cut and paste and highlight which ones I’ve been consistently petulant and passive aggressive on. It would help greatly thanks ever so much.

can’t win on MN. Get complained about if you don’t come back and then if you respond. Someone asking a question about telling peopel about a pregnancy has had so many harsh responses implying no one gives a shit. I hope when you have grandchildren you are happy for your children to tell you by phone and they’ll know you don’t care.

So I don’t mind when my DH tells them. They don’t like me so I’m not excited to tell them. I don’t care how it’s done. But this is the internet and I am a petulant and demanding that I tell them in person. I think I commented once that DH thought about telling them on the phone but he wants to tell them in real life as he also feels telling them on the phone is rude.

Peace and love.

We live a fair distance from my family, we actually drove to see them in person to tell them, (theee times 🤣) not something I personally think that you should be telling them over the phone

I hope when you have grandchildren you are happy for your children to tell you by phone and they’ll know you don’t care.
I would be happy for my children to tell me over the phone because I do care. I care far more about the actual news than the medium of delivery. It won't need to be face to face, or at an event or not an event or with a gimmicky present and card. I'll be thrilled and just as thrilled hearing it by phone.

Edited because autocorrect changed "news" to "Jews"!

Same. My in-laws live 3 hours away from us and my parents 1.5 hours, 3 hours away from each other. We wanted both sides to know at the same time but also wanted to tell them all in person, so one bank holiday weekend, we just drove one big loop to see everyone!