Telling in-laws about pregnancy at a milestone birthday?

[GoldSquare]

So 100% get not announcing a pregnancy at a wedding/someone else’s event etc. But this is in-laws we are travelling up to see for an informal birthday event, but a milestone birthday. Event isn’t the day of birthday and is a drop in/out type thing. We want to tell them first before other family members, so wondering how it would go down if we told them at a time there was no one else there apart from us? They wouldn’t have to tell anyone else, or would it over shadow their day? We are travelling on afterwards and won’t see them in person for another few months maybe so it would be over the phone if not then.
YABU - don’t tell them in person, wait and tell them over the phone
YANBU - tell them if you see them with no one else there

This probably isn't the best place to ask for advice on the topic. Mumsnet has a skewed approach to both thunder-stealing and in laws!
Telling them on the phone would be weird when you are about to see them in person!
Just tell them exactly as you've planned to. In person, at their home, with enough time before the other guests arrive to have a nice chat about it.

Exactly people have babies all the time, why the big fuss about how to tell the parents.

Makes it sound like they are important when they aren't really.

We told our parents (both sets lived a distance away) in person. It just didn't feel right to do it by phone. And I'm glad my DD told me of her pregnancy in person, because I needed to give her a huge hug and she got to see by my face how delighted (and surprised!) I was!

OP, I'm not one for 'announcements' personally, or baby showers and I hate the wanky 'gender reveal' events but I see nothing wrong with what you've planned. Of course you are excited to share and I don't understand why posters are seemingly wanting to damper this excitement.
You want to tell them in person so you should get to do so, especially as it is not a big 'event' you are going to. Telling the grandparents while you are in town takes away nothing from anyone else 🤷‍♀️

Congratulations btw 😊

I wouldn't bother telling them at all tbh because according to some people on here they already have loads of grandkids so it's no biggie and definitely don't overshadow an adults birthday with your irrelevant news, who do you think you are exactly? lol it's fucking crazy on here sometimes and some people sound like right uptight miserable fuckers lol. My brother and his wife announced their pregnancy on my birthday and it made it even more special because why wouldn't it lol. Imagine if I had been pissed off lol I would have been laughed at for being so bloody pathetic

My ILs and my Mother would all have been absolutely delighted to get news of an impending grandchild during an in person visit for a milestone birthday. It would be a wonderful birthday present. That is actually how I would tell them, by handing over a small birthday gift before the real one.

my father would find a way to make it into something negative, but he finds a way to turn everything into something negative so it wouldn’t matter. We just ignore him when making plans.

I agree with this. I'm absolutely baffled by the poster below who went off and cried at her own 30th lunch because some friends were expecting a baby (assuming no backstory that she was struggling to conceive herself at the time).

I had a 40th party last year and can't imagine that great news from any of the invitees (all people I love and value) would have been anything other than great news and simply more to celebrate. I want good things for my family and friends, even when those good things overlap with my own good things!

I'm confused. Were you trying to concieve at the time?

I think it would be lovely to tell them face to face.

Why is your DH worried about their reaction, that is the bit that concerns me the most.

Surely telling them before everyone gets there means they can choose to share the news or not?

I get the not overshadowing thing but it's not a wedding where you're making an announcement. We got engaged on MILs birthday (morning of and told her later) she was overjoyed!

Since it’s dhs parents I am not sure why you aren’t just telling them The way DH thinks is best.

I should have thought most parents would be delighted to get that news as a "birthday present". I agree you shouldn't announce at a large party gathering, but privately I'm sure they'd be thrilled.

Do it separately, perhaps even a phone call beforehand.

Much as I don't do the nonsense of 'big birthdays' as all are 24 hours long.

I would love to hear the news if I was your parents . It would make the celebration even better. I don't understand at all why it would have to be told in a phone call.

Tell them when you see them. You don't have to do it in front of others. Then if you are happy for them to share and they want to then that's great. If not then they know and is also a present

I don’t really understand the negativity of some of the posters on this thread. I think it sounds like a lovely idea for your PIL to receive a card on their birthday from their new incoming grandchild and I think it’s a lovely way to tell them. The number of GC they already have should be irrelevant. My grandma on her birthday received a bib and some dummies as a gift from her daughter and was very confused until she realised what they meant. There were already nearly a dozen of us grandkids already but she was still over the moon about this news and it was the best birthday present she could have received.

I’d tell them just before you’re leaving at the end of the celebration. You’re not taking limelight away as you’re leaving anyway, and it’s a positive note (or should be 🤷🏼‍♀️😱) to leave on. Say to them you wanted to tell them in person, but not distract form birthday celebrations felt it was best to do this.
if they then need time to process then that’s fine you’ll be on your way. If they’re delighted that’s a lovely note to leave on .
dont give them a card and congratulate them. It YOU that is pregnant, not them, not even your partner. It’s weird to present them with a card and indicates your pe forcing them into celebrating…the babies not born yet, let them go at their own pace please. If they’re delighted you can send them something silly when you all are back home as a follow up.
dont make it a big deal.
you’re pregnant, theres is unfortunately a lot of things that can happen and they’ve been there and done that. They’ll be way more interested in meeting an actual baby in some months time than by your news now. Especially if it’s not a first gc.

I would probably tell them afterwards on the phone. You never know how someone is going to react to a pregnancy reaction and this is a milestone birthday. Even if they aren’t having a big party they are celebrating it how they wish and it is still about them. You should respect that. plus if they don’t react how you expect them to your news that might impact your enjoyment of the day, which might be apparent to others.
tell them afterwards - they might ask why you didn’t tell them when you saw them but you can explain that you didn’t want to steal the limelight on their big day.

We told the in-laws at Christmas because we were there and I wasn't drinking, so we sort of had to. I was only 8 weeks. Told my parents on Skype (long time ago) on Christmas day.

Someone I know purposely went to Disneyland to photograph their positive pregnancy test outside the magic castle thing, and then got people to scroll through their holiday photos so the test popped up in one.... so I think a grandparent card is quite low key compared to that 😂

I've had a mixture of 'tells' with my DGC

Face-to-face
Over the phone

Didn't care. Was delighted each time

Your husbands family. His choice!

can you do it after the festivities? So it’s all about them, then they get a bonus?

Bloody hell people are miserable on here!!

Get there early and surprise them with the wonderful news. Any decent people would be delighted at the news that their son’s wife is expecting their first child, even if it is their millionth grandchild and it would make the birthday even more special. And if they are not the kind of person who loves all their grandchildren equally and is happy about a new one.. well fuck them! They deserve a little birthday buzz kill.

Not quite sure what I’ve been reading! Unless you know otherwise about certain personality traits, I can’t imagine there being any sort of issue with telling them the lovely news in person - birthday or no birthday. It’s not like you’re planning on standing up and making an announcement just as the candles have been lit and everyone is poised for a round of Happy Birthday!! I know my mum and mother in law in particular would have absolutely LOVED the grandparent card idea with a scan photo. Many happy tears I’m sure. It would have made their birthdays.
Mine would be more upset knowing I’d reached 16 weeks, seen them in person and not told them. Especially if they were then one of the last to know when I eventually got round to phoning them.

I think given you seem quite put out with people telling you a phone call is fine, you may also be disappointed if they don’t give you an OTT positive reaction. That and the fact your DH wants to tell them on the phone and they’re his parents means that you should probably do that!

FWIW we told my MIL on the phone and she asked what we were going to do…. As if we were a teenage / new couple not a couple in our 30s TTC. She admitted later it was just the shock and felt awful and we can laugh about it now but at the time it really wasn’t funny!

Your plan sounds fine to me!

It’s nothing like what happened to us. My SIL announced her pregnancy at my son’s ADOPTION celebration. Yep, after we had unsuccessfully tried to conceive ourselves, gone through all sorts of treatment, eventually come to terms with the fact it wouldn’t happen for us, then went through the gruelling process of being assessed and then approved to adopt, then waiting to be matched with a child, then meet him, then apply to court for him to be ours permanently. We finally had our little day in court with the adoption order being granted with no issues thankfully, so we arranged a family meal for afterwards in a private room in a lovely hotel. And she did that. Then. On that day, of all days. I never forgave her. I shouldn’t have been surprised but I didn’t think even she could stoop so low. It’s the one and only time my lovely dad has heard me swear, amid angry tears. I still feel the same now… How fucking dare she?

And breathe…! Sorry, it brought it all back!

You’re doing nothing like this OP! Honestly, it’s fine.