Telling in-laws about pregnancy at a milestone birthday?

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So 100% get not announcing a pregnancy at a wedding/someone else’s event etc. But this is in-laws we are travelling up to see for an informal birthday event, but a milestone birthday. Event isn’t the day of birthday and is a drop in/out type thing. We want to tell them first before other family members, so wondering how it would go down if we told them at a time there was no one else there apart from us? They wouldn’t have to tell anyone else, or would it over shadow their day? We are travelling on afterwards and won’t see them in person for another few months maybe so it would be over the phone if not then.
YABU - don’t tell them in person, wait and tell them over the phone
YANBU - tell them if you see them with no one else there

I can't see why you shouldn't tell them face to face.
It's not ruining someone's day, no matter how many GC they have its their DS's/DIL'S first child, it's adding a lovely memory to it.

Here's my advice: given how much you're building up to sharing this news with your PILs, be prepared for the possibility that their reaction might not be as effusive as you would like. For YOUR sake, you'd do better to tell them over the phone before you see them. It also keeps the drop-in thing as their thing.

Over the phone.

I think this depends how many weeks you are? Anything under 12/14 weeks I wouldn't say you can tell them later.

I’d just tell them now, too. I think you think this will be a bigger deal than it is to them. DS was DH’s parents’ 11th grandchild, and while having him was a huge thing for us, it really didn’t register much with them as anything other than ‘mild source of pleasure’ — we’d have been deeply unreasonable to resent this, I think.

Tell them now. My sibling (married and in 30s) told our mother and she reacted appallingly, implying ruination of lives and all sorts.

So not everyone is going to be as crazy as our mother but people can react oddly.

16 weeks, but we’re not of the hiding it until 12weeks. Friends have known seen we tested positive. Other countries tell relatives a lot earlier than us. Britain is still in the 12 weeks as we don’t get our first scan until then. Other countries do viability scans and it’s normal to tell people who you would also tell if you sadly MC.

Noted that no one is likely to be ecstatic about a new grandchild when they have millions, telling people on the phone is enough. A card saying happy birthday grandparent is outlandish. And to wait until after the event and tell them they were the last to know.

I'd be overjoyed if I heard this near or on my birthday..not at actual party but as you described.....best news ever.

Thank you @jannier that’s how we thought they would take it/how other people would and have done but started doubting today when DH said.

For goodness sake!
You don’t make other peoples celebration about you.
Don’t be selfish.

It can go the other way too. I’m not British and told no one other than DH, midwife and line manager till I was 19 weeks.

I think I'd be thrilled, if you told them when just the four of you are present. An extra present, and your DH's first child. Congratulations!

Will other people be around when you say your goodbyes? Because if not it would make sense to tell the PILs when the event is over. Then you're not stealing any limelight.

Yes it means that other guests won't find out in person, but I imagine that's less of an issue.

I would tell them in person. It should be a nice birthday present, shouldn’t it? It is not like it is a siblings birthday where there could be competition/ jealousy elements.
Although you seem to suggest they might not be excited for you. Why not?

We won’t be the last ones standing/there will be people there when we leave. We aren’t telling any other guests there, apart from one other person who I was going to see as they left/walk them to their car or go visit them on the way home if we didn’t do that. So no hijacking and telling all guests.
Seeing as the big deal people make about telling their parents I really didn’t think handing a birthday card with grandparents written on was over the top. But I have seen the light and apparently we should just tell them on the phone/send a text and not expect excitement for having the millionth grandchild. Phone call after the event. What’s the point in telling them before as that still makes it about us?

Could you go up the day before?

This. 👍

Phone them. Don’t be selfish and let your news over shadow someone else’s day. It’s really inconsiderate and quite immature. I’m sure they will be thrilled to hear the news, even on the phone.

Why won't you phone them beforehand?

Just phone them up and tell them. Stop trying to make it into a cutesy "announcement" via a card or present. That's about you, not them.

It's up to you, and only you will know how they might feel.

But my 30th birthday lunch was used to announce two of my friends were expecting. About an hour after I pretended I needed something from my car and went outside and cried.

Yes, I was over the moon for them. Utterly delighted. But I really was so excited for this after years of thwir weddings etc, and it took all the shine away and the conversation was completely about babies, pregnancy symptoms and little else. They didn't mean it to happen I'm sure, but it did.

I wasn't angry at either of them, and didn't ever tell them. But I never think of that lunch with any fondness or happiness at all.

Again, just looking at it from YOUR perspective: if you tell them over the phone before the event, you'll have their undivided and undistracted attention when you do tell them, you'll have more time, more privacy for them to tell you things (and there very often are things to tell) and for you to tell them how you feel and for that to be heard. It's not about the "ta-da!!!" moment. This is the beginning of a lifelong change. Your PILs know this, they've been here and done that before. You are very fortunate to have the benefit of not being the first (I was, and it SUCKS!). When you do eventually see them at the event, that'll be the next occasion when the news has settled in, they'll ask you how you're feeling and what your plans are blah blah blah. A conversation that will be ongoing for months in all likelihood!

And don't get all sulky that people are raining on your parade. It's wonderful news that you're expecting, for many people it's the best time of their lives. Just that this is about you, nobody else. It's profound for you, totally mundane for everyone else.

You sound a bit sulky and have gone too far in downplaying it. I actually like the idea of the card as you are still making the announcement about the birthday person and not drawing attention away from them. It is a private moment though like you said, not something to do with everyone around.

I’m not one for the spotlight personally but I know most people like to have their moment.

Seeing as the big deal people make about telling their parents I really didn’t think handing a birthday card with grandparents written on was over the top
I've just never understood the need. When I told my parents the news itself was exciting. It doesn't need dressing it up into a cutesy method of delivery. I wanted to let the news speak for myself. If my DC feel the need to make a thing of it of the time comes with a gimmick I'd be worried they thought I wouldn't be excited for its own sake and needed to have it dressed up.

@Elclr surely it's very different when it's friends, not family...

FIL found out on his 60th birthday and he was DELIGHTED, never seen the man so happy before and it really made his weekend (we were all away on a family trip for his 60th).

If your PILs will not be very enthusiastic though, just save yourself the inevitable disappointment and tell them over the phone.