for being upset as my dh has retired early (at 60) and expects me to keep working until 60 too, even though he is 10 years older than me

[MrsPuddle]

I dont particularly enjoy my job or it would be ok, but now he is 65 and I am 55, I am getting resentful as he is out and about enjoying himself, going on lads holidays etc and I am stuck at home behind a screen. I just cant do this for another 5 years, but he cant see the problem. If we wait until I am 60 he will be 70 and he will be older and who knows, maybe not well, and not inclined to be active with me. We will have enough money, if we just tighten out belts in retirement. Has anyone else faced this issue with an older partner? thanks

As you are still working how about putting more money towards your own pension, (Martin Lewis) so that when you do retire, you will be richer for it.

What a bizarre drip feed of a thread.

If he had a highflying career then surely he put aside a decent pension .

And if he didn't surely you knew that and weren't taken by suprise. Did neither of you ever discuss this? I know DH will retire before me (he is 5 years older) although he wants me to go part time then, so we can do things together, so we are saving extra for that.

I think you need to sit down and have a discussion about it. Have you told him you worry if you wait until you are 60 he will be 70 and you worry he might not be fit enough to do much together with you. Could you go part time for a few years? Maybe suggest you continue to work another 2 years full time then go part time so you can enjoy doing stuff together.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than WFH, even though it does have so many benefits but I would literally go mad.

I like feeling valued at work and being part of a team.
Its nice to separate home and work.

I would see if there is any way that you can go into the office once or twice a week.
You could also look into doing a day less and then volunteering on that day.

Its difficult when you’re working but try and join a couple of clubs to make friends and have that social aspect.

It’s so important that you socialise and do things away from the home, especially if you WFH.

YABVU to be upset that you have to keep working though.
Its only fair that you both work until 60 and it’s selfish of you to want Uk quit now just because you’re jealous.

You only have 5 years to go.
If the last 5 years are anything to go by then they’ll absolutely fly by.

Right there in the thread title you say he retired at 60. Now you’re saying he was unemployed and drawing no pension but living off your income?!

That’s incredibly misleading and to claim it 300 replies in is just odd.

I don't understand some of these answers at all.

You are a partnership so your decisions should be made jointly.

If you enjoy your job, then fair enough if you wanted to continue working. But I would be really angry if my DH retired and went on holidays with the boys while I continued working. His retirement fund is joint money as yours will be. As he has already retired, I'd certainly be having a conversation about him spending your joint/household retirement savings on his own. One holiday to celebrate the end of his working life is okay. Any more without you is definitely not ok.

I retired at 57. DH is you get than me by 4 years. He recently retired at 59. He can't get his pension until September once he turns 60 but it's twice as much as mine. I'm paying more into joint account now but he'll pay more once he gets his pension.

He doesn't see the problem? Well no, for him there isn't one.

He married a younger wife - worked well for him
He had a wife who gave up her better job to look after the children - worked well for him
He lost his job and was supported for 5 years by said wife - worked well for him
He got his pension so even more money to spend on enjoying himself and lads' holidays - worked well for him
When he starts to slow down and get older, you'll be retiring and can look after him - works well for him
When he's elderly and needs care, you'll still be 10 years younger - will work for him

I mean it's all coming up DH, isn't it? I don't know when you get a rest, unless you insist on it. Let's hope he's a very fit and healthy 70 yo or you never will get a rest.

Does he enjoy your company? Because DH will probably retire before me, I like my job! But he wants to travel and see the world with me, have fun, enjoy ourselves together. Does your DH want that?

Didn’t you discuss the future before he decided to retire?

Now is the wrong time to consider this.

Why didn't you start with that statement it probably would have made a lot of difference to the answers you have been getting. Why didn't he try to get another job at 60. Like in B&Q who are well known for employing older people. Its not fair that he was not bringing in any money for 5 years.

I think this is tough and some are being very hard on you OP. I can see your worry that you might go from working to carer without the bit in between.

I think you need to talk about what you want to share here - because it is time together versus money. There might be a middle ground - working part time and more weekends away. Or is he planing to have the money to pay for care whilst you go off with your girlfriends when he is in his 70s? That's the key - consider time AND money. And have a good look at the housework split. I don't think much of a marriage if you can't share things but there are differences here and you do need to address them.

You also need to consider that you may outlive him and what will happen to his penision then - will you get half? Will that be enough to mange on? Do you need to keep working for your pension in your last years when you may be a widow?

Have or will either of you inherit any money? If you inherited more than him how would he feel if you bought a sports car and took yourself off with your friends? Would he have expected a full share then? I know inheritance is not the same as things you've worked for but it still comes under the idea of sharing your time and your money. Maybe explain it that way?

So either it’s a shared pot of money or it’s individual money.

Given you had children, you probably did the lions share of raising them and sacrificed your earning potential at the same time, then I assume it’s a shared pot of money.

Therefore it’s not ‘his’ pension or ‘his’ money. It’s part of the joint household income.

If you are indeed a partnership then he should be taking your needs into account too. If you need to work less or retire and can afford to then that’s a valid request. Otherwise, if you are separate people that share some aspects of life but not finances and not decisions about how you spend time, then when he is old and more frail and you are still fit and able, he can’t expect you to curb your lifestyle to fit with him.

So first you need to decide are you a partnership or two separate individuals with no need to compromise what you want in respect to the other? What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

And if you hadn’t compromised your career may be you would have more savings, a rental income, etc that means you could retire early.

He married someone younger, enjoyed your services as the main parent (assumption but likely) but isn’t keen now on you enjoying the benefits of him retiring and his pension. Surely he’d like you both to be swanning about together?

AND as he’s retired and you are working to maintain a level of income (and presumably supported him in the five years he had no income) he has been doing the lions share of the housekeeping?

It’s hard isn’t it. We’re not there yet but 10 y age gap - I’m 48 and he’s 58. I won’t be able to afford to retire early unless my circumstances change which means he’ll be in his 70s when I retire.

it does sound awful when you say it but it’s not like we have no life before retirement. We both enjoy work, and when the kids are grown we’ll have more freedom to travel etc.

On the one hand you are miserable and you feel your husband could relieve that instantly by agreeing you retire and you both have a financially tighter retirement.

On the other hand it sounds fair that you retire at the same age he has. The only alternative was for the two of you to have agreed he works ten years longer than you and either saved a lot more for retirement or agreed a financially tighter retirement.

I think your options now may be:

• to get another job that makes you less unhappy
• to go part-time in this job or another and work for longer or your husband also work part time
• get a different job that pays more so you can retire earlier
• to convince your husband to agree you retire and both have a tighter retirement, but you need to think about whether that really achieves financial security for you when he dies, whatever age that may be
• to win the lottery

Without knowing how tight your retirements would be I don't know how I would feel in your husband's position. However, I don't think many people in normal jobs could afford for the significantly younger spouse to retire at the same time as the older spouse.

If you can afford it I'd retire, you don't know what's around the corner health wise and your lifestyles are becoming incompatible already

Only on planet MN.
You really couldn't make it up.
If he's been supported by your income for 5 years and is now saying No to sharing money, now that his pension has kicked in, then OP you are an awful mug.

OP you're right to be thinking that you can never predict the future.
I say this as I was in a relationship where my partner retired before I became 50 (due to age gap) and by the time I was 57 he died unexpectedly, so apart from holidays, I never got to spend much time with him before he died. Realistically no-one really knows when their number comes up, especially as we become older.
So my advice to you, as others have said, is to work part-time so that you can spend some quality time together. Although there is a financial sacrifice, money can't buy time spent together.

" So my advice to you, as others have said, is to work part-time so that you can spend some quality time together. Although there is a financial sacrifice, money can't buy time spent together."

@fetchacloth I am sorry that happened to you but presumably your partner didn't fuck you over financially from the get go and use you to his own benefit for over 20yrs, I see no reason why op would want to spend time with her husband.

Biggest dripfeed ever. I'd resent that too. He was unemployed for five years - not retired.

It’s your life - do as you please op. I would go (very) part time or give up altogether.

It's worrying that his pension isn't big but much bigger than yours, that doesn't sound very good for retirement.

but at the same time you either want all equal or not all equal ?

OP did he get a redundancy payment, what has happened to that? Is there a pot of money there that could help?

My DH retired early, on medical grounds at 58.
He’s 7 years older than me, I’m 55 and he’s 62.
He’s currently on the princely sum of £500 a month.
Part of me is jealous but mostly I’m keen to stay in work so I don’t have to spend all day, every day with him. 😂

You can consider the risk of redundancy but its pretty hard to predict that your partner will unilaterally decide to opt out of working entirely with no income - its not something people tend to say when discussing finances. Planning for redundancy would mean allowing there might be a gap between jobs and that the new job might not pay so well.

This man not only opted out of work whilst expecting his wife to continue but has been spending money on his lads lifestyle which she could have saved to retire earlier. All this after having benefited from her taking the hit to her earlier career so that his could prioritise his career - which he opted out of at 60.