Friend bought doubles when I asked for singles

[Neeemo]

I went to the pub last night with a close friend. We were there from about 7 until about 11. Had 5 drinks, so about one every hour with water in between. She bought all the drinks as I had paid for our food. I was drinking rum and coke. Every time she got me one, she asked if I wanted a single or double, and I said single. She went outside to take a phonecall so I went to the bar to get some more water. Barman said 'two double rum and cokes again?'. After asking it turned out she'd been buying me doubles all night when I asked for singles. I had even made a comment earlier that the rum was super strong but she brushed it off. When I asked her she said she thought I was asking for singles because I felt bad about the cost so got me 'sneaky doubles'.

AIBU to think this wasn't OK?

@TessTimoney

Did you mean to quote me?
Just asking because your comment seems to be directed at OP and not really related to what I said.

Very irresponsible behaviour. Is she a person who drinks too much and wants a drinking buddy to assuage any guilt or discomfort she might feel? I’m not saying I sympathise. My DD has a friend like this. She always tries to get DD to join her in drinking too much.

I've been close to it and have seen people get Alcohol poisoning this way. You know you can tolerate X number of units so only order that number of drinks. Having doubles leaves you very vulnerable.

I had a friend who thought I was drinking diet coke so was pouring in double vodkas. Unfortunately I was drinking Vodka and Diet Cokes so essentially have three units instead of one per drink. (They were ordering doubles and pouring them in my drink). I was not well and they ceased being my friend after that (and pretty much everyone who was there).

Really. It’s got nothing to do with the taste, it’s the affect of drinking double the amount of alcohol that she thought she was having. So wrong.

A "friend" did this to me a few tears ago. Wondered why I felt incredibly drunk...double G&Ts being bought all night... Felt terrible. Always asked for more tonic than gin please! Anxiety went through the roof. Now teetotal.

If I’m buying for someone and the server asks “small or large?”, I always go with large out of a sense of generosity (and not wanting to seem stingy).

Surely pacing yourself means reacting to how you feel in the moment. So if after two doubles you felt like you were drunk enough, surely you would switch to soft drinks at that time? Five doubles is a lot - surely you felt like you’d just had 10 singles?

I couldn’t get worked up about it.

No it's not OK, even if it was done for the best of intentions. This happened to me on my hen night - my pals had obviously all decided to get me a double every round and I also commented on the strength which was brushed off. I was very ill the next day and eventually one of my pals confessed that I'd been drinking doubles. They thought they were doing something nice for me on my hen night but it's dangerous and misguided. Obviously some people haven't learned this over the last fifty years!

Precipice · 29/05/2024 10:45
She sounds well-intentioned

What’s well-intentioned about trying to make someone drunk without their consent. It’s like spiking.

Yeah, etiquette would be to mention it and say I got doubles because it’s not that much more expensive and we want a good time etc..

@Waterloooo

If I’m buying for someone and the server asks “small or large?”, I always go with large out of a sense of generosity (and not wanting to seem stingy).

I do the same unless someone specifically tells me they want a small and I follow their wishes - which is the right thing to do.

Surely pacing yourself means reacting to how you feel in the moment. So if after two doubles you felt like you were drunk enough, surely you would switch to soft drinks at that time? Five doubles is a lot - surely you felt like you’d just had 10 singles?

It didn't work like that for me. After a double, when your brain is telling you that you've had a single, you might think "well that went straight to my head" if you think about it at all. After a couple of drinks, reasoning does out the window. You aren't exactly at your sharpest when you are drunk.

I was OK as I had someone to look after me and take me home. If I had to make my own way I could have been in trouble.

As well as being potentially dangerous for all the reasons mentioned upthread, it's also flipping annoying to be overruled about what you want to do. My Mum has got form for this sort of thing (not spiking drinks though!) and it is bloody annoying.

She probably wanted you to get as drunk/merry as her and thought you needed a sneaky helping hand to loosen up. This is the type of irresponsible behaviour associated with young teens/20s (I had a lot of pressure from my peers around that age to 'drink up', and suffered major hangovers on a regular basis as a result), but I wouldn't expect it from someone older/maturer - maybe she has a drink problem and wanted to mask this by getting you so drunk so she wouldn't be drunk alone? She said she thought you were asking for singles to save money, but after paying for both your meals that argument doesn't really stand up, why would you have paid for both of you if you didn't have much money?

Think, if you want to see her again socially, you have to ask her why she did that as it's very juvenile and potentially dangerous behaviour - she might then get the message of how inappropriate her behaviour was, may even make her think twice before she does it again to anyone else.

I think it’s not on but also not something to end a friendship over. Just explain why you were limiting your intake and that she has upset you by not taking your request at face value. For what it’s worth - British measures are so stingy. Many other countries ‘free pour’ so you can have such strong drinks you‘ll wobble after two! My point is just that two measures of diluted rum really isn’t so much as to think she was trying to get you drunk against your wishes. She probably was just being generous in a misguided way.

I'd have assumed you were doing it to make it cheaper and got you doubles too without a second thought tbh