Friend bought doubles when I asked for singles

[Neeemo]

I went to the pub last night with a close friend. We were there from about 7 until about 11. Had 5 drinks, so about one every hour with water in between. She bought all the drinks as I had paid for our food. I was drinking rum and coke. Every time she got me one, she asked if I wanted a single or double, and I said single. She went outside to take a phonecall so I went to the bar to get some more water. Barman said 'two double rum and cokes again?'. After asking it turned out she'd been buying me doubles all night when I asked for singles. I had even made a comment earlier that the rum was super strong but she brushed it off. When I asked her she said she thought I was asking for singles because I felt bad about the cost so got me 'sneaky doubles'.

AIBU to think this wasn't OK?

Regardless of what is added to it, you’re still having a double measure, whether it’s got a bucket of coke and ice added or neat

it's a form of spioing, tricking you into getting more intoxicated than you intended, without your consent. It's messed up. It's not kind nor polite.

If it was your friend who'd been doing all the ordering, how come when you went to get a round in the barman knew what to get you?

Personally I would say if you are driving you should not be drinking 2 whisky's even if it is over 2 hours!

@Bellie710 - I did say a period of 2 or 3 hours - it was an afternoon watching golf. So 2 small whiskies would have been 2 units, which would have been fine over that period (especially with food) whereas 4 (because the two drinks were doubles, unbeknownst to him) is not - as my friend discovered to his cost

This was about 25 years ago, before Scotland reduced its limit.

i think its out of order she has no right to do that without telling you

look at the nonsense poste here about 1 unit being diluted by mixers people have no idea at all

It sounds like your friend was trying to be nice. And she may have wanted to ensure she “spent enough” or spent her fair share on drinks. She didn’t spike your drinks….she got doubles. You could just thank her and say you really do mean singles next time.

If I was starting to feel effected I would stop drinking and have soft drinks, adults should take their own responsibility for what they drink

One of the problems is that now you could still have alcohol in your system the next morning eg when you come to drive to work, so could be over the limit!

I don’t drink so my first reaction was YABU, I assume people stop drinking when they feel intoxicated enough, but going by some of these comments I’m clearly the one that doesn’t understand the effects of alcohol.

I think if you’re upset about it then that’s what matters. You feel like a boundary has been crossed and that’s important to resolve if the friendship is to continue so it might be worth having a conversation with her about how you feel and how you’re not ok with it.

Many years ago, a friend ended up in hospital with alcohol poisoning because of someone doing this. It's not okay.

I would end the friendship. What she did is awful and I wouldn't be near someone like that.

I'm shocked people think this is ok. It is a form of spiking... if it was a male friend people would be up in arms thinking had a alterior motives. At best she is naive and doesn't realise repercussions.

People saying that people should take responsibility for their own drinking... if you don't know you're having double what you think you are... how would you know?

How would you react if your daughter or son was bought doubles, told they were singles, then ended up losing driving license for being over limit next day, or out in vulnerable position?

You would be mad at their friend.

So why excuse this for yourself or op?

What's the point of her asking if she's just going to ignore you

So basically some people think it's ok for friends,family or a partner, someone you are dating or a total stranger to pop an extra shot in your drink? Is that what some people are saying who think the op is being unreasonable? Because, if you don't know about it and it isn't consentual, that is what it is.

Someone buying me a double, if I asked for "rum and coke" wouldn't bother me, in the slightest. Tbh, I'd probably half expect them to. The difference in price between a single and a double is pretty negligible in a lot of places, and I know when I've had enough drink, whether that be after one or after ten drinks.
BUT it seems odd to ask everytime if you would prefer a single or a double, and then ignore what you ask for. If she was going to ask, I would EXPECT a conversation to be had along the lines of "single/ double?" "Single" "are you sure? It makes more sense to have a double and make it last longer, it's cheaper".
Having said that, I'm struggling to believe that you didn't notice you were drinking doubles, rather than singles.

It’s definitely not ok! Reminds of the time I was 18 and we were all drinking with the landlord on a summer’s evening. He kept filling my glass with wine so I had no way of knowing how much I was drinking. I ended up beyond wasted, vomiting in flowerbeds. My mum collected me and I fell out of the car to throw up on the pavement. It was an awful experience 😭

When I asked her she said she thought I was asking for singles because I felt bad about the cost so got me 'sneaky doubles'

I don't agree with her ordering doubles when you asked for singles but I don't think there was malicious intent there. Maybe she genuinely thought it had something to do with cost and thought she was being generous to you.
She obviously didn't think of the consequences or any possible reasons beyond the cost.
I would just have a chat with her and tell her you know she was just being generous but please don't do it again because you prefer singles for x,y and z reasons and that she also shouldn't do this to other people either because they also might have x,y and z reasons for not wanting to drink so much alcohol.
If she were to do it again after being told that then you know there was something else behind it rather than just thoughtlessness.

Its a form of spiking and completely unacceptable.
Id be having a serious conversation about boundaries with your friend and reconsidering if its worth having someone like that in your life.

My friends and I would be the same. No malice intended and just trying to be generous!

YANBU
If a bloke did this to someone on a date it wouldn't be ok then, would it?
I don't have huge tolerance for alcohol and like to pace myself if drinking.
I don't want to feel rough the next day, vomit in the night or be over the limit for driving the next day.
I don't think there was malice in it but she needs to understand why what she did wasn't on and to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Why did she even ask if she was buying doubles anyway.

What?! A unit of alcohol is the same whatever you add to it! The drink tasting weaker doesn't mean that the alcohol has vanished! A double rum is still a double rum!

Previous heavy drinking me would have been happy! Now sober me thinks this is basically poisoning you without consent!

She spiked your drinks essentially. But why, that's what I would want to know.

For her own entertainment? To mask her own drinking? She definitely wasn't thinking about you when she did it.