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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend bought doubles when I asked for singles

139 replies

Neeemo · 29/05/2024 09:27

I went to the pub last night with a close friend. We were there from about 7 until about 11. Had 5 drinks, so about one every hour with water in between. She bought all the drinks as I had paid for our food. I was drinking rum and coke. Every time she got me one, she asked if I wanted a single or double, and I said single. She went outside to take a phonecall so I went to the bar to get some more water. Barman said 'two double rum and cokes again?'. After asking it turned out she'd been buying me doubles all night when I asked for singles. I had even made a comment earlier that the rum was super strong but she brushed it off. When I asked her she said she thought I was asking for singles because I felt bad about the cost so got me 'sneaky doubles'.

AIBU to think this wasn't OK?

OP posts:
Yerroblemom1923 · 29/05/2024 13:04

That was in response to @maddiemookins16mum by the time they've added ice and coke you're looking at less than 0.5unit of alcohol per drink! It's how pubs keep you coming back for more. They have to serve the correct measure of alcohol but can add as much ice and coke as they like.

Changingplace · 29/05/2024 13:04

Greenfinch7 · 29/05/2024 11:43

She was trying to be generous and nice and she got it wrong.

If I were you, I would just say- I'm trying not to drink too much, and I probably would tell her why

Yeah my thoughts too, I couldn’t get too worked up about it tbh.

RacketsAndRounders · 29/05/2024 13:05

An adult would agree that it's totally unacceptable.

However if she was very young, and she genuinely thought she was trying to do something nice, as she said about cost and treating you, I would just have a word with her and hope she learns from it and forgive and forget.

But if she did it again I'd go bananas and dump her.

TheChosenTwo · 29/05/2024 13:09

No that’s not on really.
I sometimes drink doubles in a pub because some pubs use massive glasses to fill up with mixer and then I feel like I might as well not bother.
But it’s under my control because it’s my choice.
When dh and I go out he used to buy me doubles all the time but if we were out and I had 10 drinks that was really 20 shots of vodka, once I was in such a mess he had to carry me home and he now doesn’t do that anymore!

TootGoesTheOwl · 29/05/2024 13:15

She was well intentioned and made a mistake, she's your friend, what do you think her 'motive' was?
If she had done that for me we would be best friends for life to be honest 🍾

WittyMcAdder · 29/05/2024 13:21

She was well intentioned and made a mistake, she's your friend, what do you think her 'motive' was?

Agree with this.

It's not really OK for her to do that, but for a friend how I'd handle it is by kindly saying 'I know you meant well and were being very generous but it's important I know how much I am drinking so I'd rather you told me in future, or just got me what I asked for' - but perhaps phrased in a less awkward way than typing it out seems to be!

OneTC · 29/05/2024 13:21

Wouldn't bother me personally unless I suspected any ill intention, I'd view it very differently from a relative stranger though

Cliedi · 29/05/2024 15:48

It’s UK drinking culture to pressure people into drinking more, or think ‘the more alcohol the better’. It absolutely isn’t ok, and it’s fine for you to let your friend know you don’t find it acceptable.

For my wedding I had a free bar and the bar staff thought it was a good idea to just free pour the spirits. Luckily I caught them doing it early and made sure they used the measures I had provided them with. If someone wanted doubles that was absolutely fine but I was not having my Aunt Greta vomiting on the floor because she thought she’d limited herself to 2 g&ts but they were actually 90% gin or someone limiting their drink because they were driving and then being over the limit.

Maddy70 · 29/05/2024 16:02

She may have ordered doubles for herself ..
The barman will always try to upsèll. Perhaps she was just being generous?

Reugny · 29/05/2024 16:21

Maddy70 · 29/05/2024 16:02

She may have ordered doubles for herself ..
The barman will always try to upsèll. Perhaps she was just being generous?

It's not generous not to tell someone that they are drinking a double though.

There are plenty of reasons why people want to limit what they are drinking e.g. driving in the morning of the next day, ensure they maintain their weight for medical reasons that doesn't apply to most people, sober enough to do jury duty.

SpikyHairy · 29/05/2024 16:33

Yerroblemom1923 · 29/05/2024 13:04

That was in response to @maddiemookins16mum by the time they've added ice and coke you're looking at less than 0.5unit of alcohol per drink! It's how pubs keep you coming back for more. They have to serve the correct measure of alcohol but can add as much ice and coke as they like.

This isn't how units work. 25ml of spirits = 1 unit.

If you drink a single shot of rum neat, it's one unit.

If you dilute it with a pint of coke, it's still one unit.

Doubles are two units. If you put them in a gallon of coke, it's still two units.

Five doubles is ten units - not 2.5 units because they've had mixers with them.

Changingplace · 29/05/2024 17:08

Yerroblemom1923 · 29/05/2024 13:04

That was in response to @maddiemookins16mum by the time they've added ice and coke you're looking at less than 0.5unit of alcohol per drink! It's how pubs keep you coming back for more. They have to serve the correct measure of alcohol but can add as much ice and coke as they like.

If you drink 5 double rum & cokes how much mixed or ice is with the alcohol is irrelevant, it’s still the same alcohol content as if you’d downed the shots straight (but will hit you differently as you’re more likely to sip a mixed drink than a shot).

holidaydramalama · 29/05/2024 17:28

I'd be furious if someone did this to me. The worst part is she didn't and had no intention of telling you.

I would struggle to trust her now. It's one thing to get someone a double as a nice gesture but you tell them before they drink it! And to do that 5 times is appalling.

KomodoOhno · 29/05/2024 19:01

catlady7 · 29/05/2024 09:48

They wouldn't be my friend anymore that's for certain.

This. I could not forgive this. I'm diabetic and rarely have a drink. If I did and a friend did this that would end the friendship. There is no possible good reason she did this.

Jayne35 · 31/05/2024 21:29

I can’t do doubles, would end up really drunk, really quickly but my friends know this so they know when I say single, I mean single. I would be quite pissed off about this.

Circumferences · 31/05/2024 21:37

I think she was trying to be nice!

Just say to her, if it was a bloke doing that it'd be so rapey and creepy. Tell her don't do that to another friend.

Mum2jenny · 31/05/2024 21:41

Are we talking English measures ie 25ml per shot or Scottish measures which are around 35ml? Because I think English measures only dirty the glass and I’d always order double English measures in a pub.

Bellie710 · 31/05/2024 22:02

I think most of my friends would do this, if you are used to drinking at home pub measures never really taste of much as you always pour bigger home measures.

However I do know some people who if they said only wanted a single I would definitely buy them a single but the majority of my friends wouldn't care how big the measure was!
If this is a really good friend that knows you then I would say YANBU, if it is someone you hardly ever see YABU they probably just assumed you were being polite.

pizzaHeart · 31/05/2024 22:05

FOJN · 29/05/2024 11:37

I think you have to be straight with her and tell her you are really unhappy with what she did and if she is so hung up on balancing costs then perhaps it would be better if you each paid for yourselves in future.

She probably was well intentioned but that doesn't make it OK. If she's a decent person she will apologise for making an assumption rather than become defensive because she thinks you are being ungrateful for her unsolicited "generosity".

This^
i think her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

Bumbleebeetree · 31/05/2024 22:13

Think you're over thinking it. Don't be cross with her, just explain it and don't let her buy you drinks next time.

Mh67 · 31/05/2024 22:21

Quite dangerous really and out of order. I went to a night out and a work mate kept buying me vodka all night. I don't drink vodka such a waste of money and no respect for my choices

prettybird · 31/05/2024 22:24

A friend of mine lost his driving licence because of someone doing this Angry

He thought he'd had 2 whiskies over a period of 2 or 3 hours - but his supplier/friend had been buying him doubles Shock

Plus especially in Scotland where the blood alcohol limit is nearly half that in England being given doubles when you thought you'd had singles could mean that you were still over the limit the following morning, when you'd have calculated that you should be ok to drive Sad

So no, it's emphatically NOT ok Angry

Awaywiththeferries123 · 31/05/2024 22:29

Absolutely not okay, she’s basically spiked you. I’d be having a serious conversation if a friend had done this to me no matter how good their intentions.

Myleopard · 31/05/2024 22:38

I have a very close friend who will buy me doubles and herself singles. Pour me double the wine and add lemonade to hers. She says it’s because I’m not ‘drunk enough’ I don’t drink with her much at all anymore.
unfortunately too much emphasis has been placed on all our good times involving copious amounts of alcohol and I’m obviously not as much fun if I’m not absolutely rat arsed!

RedHelenB · 31/05/2024 22:39

Janedoe82 · 29/05/2024 11:47

I couldn't get properly annoyed about this! surely you could tell how tipsy you were getting and stopped ordering more! Kind of thing my friends do but just being generous.

This.