Friend bought doubles when I asked for singles

[Neeemo]

I went to the pub last night with a close friend. We were there from about 7 until about 11. Had 5 drinks, so about one every hour with water in between. She bought all the drinks as I had paid for our food. I was drinking rum and coke. Every time she got me one, she asked if I wanted a single or double, and I said single. She went outside to take a phonecall so I went to the bar to get some more water. Barman said 'two double rum and cokes again?'. After asking it turned out she'd been buying me doubles all night when I asked for singles. I had even made a comment earlier that the rum was super strong but she brushed it off. When I asked her she said she thought I was asking for singles because I felt bad about the cost so got me 'sneaky doubles'.

AIBU to think this wasn't OK?

I couldn't get upset over this. She probably just thought she was being generous.

Wow the reactions on here....hysterical much?

OP you said the drinks tasted stronger. So why drink them?! You should have asked her earlier in the night, is this a double? Then it could have been cleared up then and there. But instead you said nothing and continued to drink and now you're frothing about it.

Ridiculous.

I keep thinking this is somehow about tennis.

You can’t be serious 🤣🤣 Just don’t drink it? No need to be so over the top about it, nobody is trying to force you to drink it they’re just being generous.

Do you only ever drink one small wine? What happens if you’d have had a second small wine later in the evening, would the second half of the large be no good??

Yeah it depends how much mixer you're getting in there but if I drank twice as much booze as normal I'd know inside 2 drinks

The most common way people get spiked is where the culprit makes the victim's drinks stronger than they think they are. No drugs involved, just some extra alcohol.

I drink a few small wines, but I need to pace myself. I have explained this to people I drink with regularly.
Luckily I now live in a country where wine is served in reasonable quantities. Putting half a bottle in one glass is a ridiculous fashion in the UK.

No she wasn’t being nice/generous - OP expressly asked for singles. If the ‘friend’ had been male, it would be considered predatory behaviour. If she had added E or some other drug to her drinks, it would be deemed predatory and illegal. As it is, the friend intentionally plied OP with additional alcohol against her wishes.

It’s drink spiking - and is illegal carrying a prison sentence of up to 10 years. OP is the victim of a crime, fortunately without any serious consequences, but I’d tell that friend that that they are luck you aren’t pressing charges (the bar tender is a witness) and never see them again.

Had a family member who insisted on always buying doubles so as not to appear cheap. Also would have the most expensive item on the menu as the shows class. And he's be paying and would insist that everyone had the 2 pound lobster as well even if they were allergic to seafood because it would show him up if they had the chicken caesar instead.

I couldn't get wound up about this.

"It’s drink spiking - and is illegal carrying a prison sentence of up to 10 years. OP is the victim of a crime, fortunately without any serious consequences, but I’d tell that friend that that they are luck you aren’t pressing charges (the bar tender is a witness) and never see them again."

Jesus Christ @BusyMummy001 that's a bit dramatic don't you think? In the UK we don't "press charges", it isn't up to us. Of course you can report a perceived crime to the police, but after that time it's out of your hands.

I wouldn't get worked up over this. Presumably your friend just thought that if you felt more drunk than you'd like, you just wouldn't have any more. It's odd that she continued to ask each time though, knowing that she would order something different.

This reminds me of when I was about 19/20, an acquaintance of my mate got a job behind the bar at the local "dive" bar (my regular haunt). We spent the evening ordering double vodka and cokes and were both violently ill over market square at kicking out time 😬 embarrassing as we had only just infiltrated a new "cool" group of mates. It was the next day that we were informed that he thought he was doing us a favour by giving us triples (to save us money) so he essentially spiked us, I have no memory of getting home that night.

That’s really bad OP. If I give your friend the benefit of doubt maybe she thought she was being generous getting you doubles in return for the meal. But it’s not for her to basically dictate how much alcohol you drink, and to do it without telling you. You clearly said you wanted singles, she should have respected that. It’s your choice.

What's nice or generous about it?

In my experience when I was drinking (with abandon, very sober now) I wouldn’t have noticed the difference between a single and a double AFTER the first drink.
I can understand OPs point of view.
There was something in her glass she wasn't aware of. That had the capability to render her completely vulnerable.
Her friend is a dick.

I suppose the issue is you were there so long and you raised the strength. Unless someone was driving or otherwise, I'd not think much about it myself.

I remember being told by someone senior where I worked that it was bad manners (ie. skinflint tight fisted) to buy someone a single of 'measure' drinks if you were buying the drinks and they asked for a G&T type drink. I think that is where no measure is specified though by the asker.

I've not read the thread and it seems a bit odd if you were specifying single for a reason and she ws ignoring it. On the other hand, is it possible she was adopting that approach of it's a bit tightfisted to buy a single?

Yeah that's not ok.

A friend did that to me years ago and it really annoyed me. Got drunker than I intended to which isn't right for someone else to decide for you.

There’s a big difference between 5 measures and 10….

How old is she? I think when I was really young I would have just thought I’d was being generous if I’d have done that, though five times in a row is a bit much! It’s only now I’m older I can see this really isn’t an ok thing to do.

Agree. I'm shocked at how many of you think it's okay.

i Don’t think I’d let this ruin my friendship after this one occassion. I agree with other pp that her actions weren’t ok, but sounds like she was well intentioned. I think I’d handle it by next time when you go out clearly explain why you only want singles and kindly drop in a few comments about why it’s no ok to sneak more alcohol into peoples drinks.

I would go easy on her. It sounds from what she told you that she did not have bad intentions, just thought you were trying to spare her expense.

It’s spiking so YANBU

This has happened to me but I’ve asked straight away if they got me a double instead and not left them responsible to get my drinks after that.

She was in the wrong, but then you also need to listen to your own instincts, as you found it stronger and felt the effects more than expected.

She probably wanted to spend as much as you did on the meal to be fair. However, when you commented on the strength of the rum she should have told you it was a double. This would have allowed you to insist on singles and a to say why it was important that she abide by your wishes.