To think if one parent can't look after the DC, it's the other parents responsibility to do so?

[looop114]

And not their partners?

If two parents are separated and one of them becomes unwell (not just a cold but actually very poorly and unable to look after the DC kind of unwell), it should be automatically the other parents responsibility to look after the children and not the unwell parents partner or spouse?

They can if they want to obviously but the initial assumption should be that the other parent will parent their children even though its not "their time" when the other is not able to? Providing both are involved parents.

Aibu to think this is the case and that it's quite entitled to make assumptions that your co parents partner/spouse will look after your DC when the other parent is unwell intstead of you?

Yanbu

i wouldn’t send my child if their dad was in hospital. im guessing the mum had made plans and that’s why you’re being pressured
into still having them? Unfortunately when illness happens plans sometimes need to be cancelled and it’s not like your husband planned to be in hospital.
Hope he recovers soon.

Shame on you. I can't believe anyone has no compassion for a woman whose husband is in hospital. To then defend a mother who thinks that the woman whose husband is in hospital should look after HER kids is just absolutely shocking.

You don't care that OP has her own kids, job(possibly), no other help. How have we got to a place in society that people think their own free time is above a sick man in hospital and even their own kids?

Omg. So many entitled exs on this thread. How dare you demand another woman look after your DC. How fucking dare you. I would never have dreamed of putting those expectations on my exs wife.

When parents break up it can be extremely hard on the kids. From then on any adult who gets involved needs to understand this is the centre point. Your attitude is transactional and shows how and why some children from divorced parents are devastated by the outcome

Step parent has clearly been in their life for some time as there are half siblings but is making it clear she doesn’t think of them as “hers”

Statements like this baffle me. My stepkids are no more mine that the kids next door are. Why on earth would I think they're mine? We get on great, we spend time together but they have 2 parents to look after them and quite frankly, I don't want responsibility for them to the same level that their parents have.

Exactly. Some people on here are going on as if step-mothers have a legal responsibility to look after THEIR children. All this "You took on his children therefore step up". Absolute bullshit.

Good for you not being in a situation where you need to understand it.

Being a single parent can be absolutely exhausting. You can need the time for respite, and you protect it because having that time to yourself is in the best interests of your children.

My ex is useless and cancels his days for a number of reasons and I pick up the slack because I am their mother, luckily for me I do EOW so I already arrange my work and childcare around this. I wouldn't expect or want his new partner to look after my children (not that I dislike her).

Obviously if it's 50/50 and the mother arranged her work around this arrangement it can be difficult so I think some flexibility, if you can would be best for the children. The mum losing her job or money would not be great for them.

What about their actual mother?

Yes of course their mother should be involved. But every adult who becomes part of the set up needs to acknowledge their responsibilities. Treating stepchildren as chores to be divided up among the reluctant adults leaves a lasting mark. I was that kid.

The thing is, I think 6 hours a week is a little different to 50/50. I do EOW so it isn't an issue to cancel a social event but if I had to say to work I couldn't be in for a week unexpectedly, I probably wouldn't be paid and with no CMS for 50/50 this would hugely impact my ability to pay for my bills. It isn't straight forward in 50/50 IMO but ultimately, it isn't the OPs responsibility but in the OPs shoes I would probably try and be a little flexible.

What, so you’d prefer a stepparent care for your kids if it wasn’t your “time”?

I’m quite sure it is exhausting but I’ll still never understand the mindset that you’d rather your kids were elsewhere. That might be in your best interests but let’s not pretend it’s in theirs.

I've been a single parent. When my ex was in hospital, I gladly gave up 'my time' to take care of my child. Did you read all OPs posts? The ex is literally harassing OP. You think it's ok to harass a woman whose husband is sick in hospital? You don't think OP has enough on her plate?

Step-parents are not your respite.

No parents get to do what’s in the parents best interest much. Probably wouldn’t have any DC at all if that were the case.

This is exactly it. It would be different if your DH died because the ex would permanently rearrange childcare to support her DC but not great risking losing her job (and means to support her DC) when the following week your DH can say 'right all is well, send them back to me'. I presume you are able to support your DC with the help of your DH's sick pay, the ex receives nothing from your DH.

I’m not an “ex”, but I think it’s outrageous that a step mother would refuse to care for her step children because they’re not biologically her children. Why is it acceptable to treat step children this way?

Your parents are directly responsible for what happened to you as a kid. OP is the last person who should be taking responsibility for the DC here. I cannot imagine anyone being so entitled as to ask any other woman whose husband is in hospital to take care of their children...but as OP is a step-mother she's fair game.

I agree that ultimately it’s down to the parents, of course.

But Jesus Christ ohlookwhoitis I’m glad you’re not my kids’ stepmother. What an attitude 🤦🏻‍♀️

If my partner was ill, I wouldn’t be looking after his kids, no. I would expect their mother to do that. But different families will manage this in different ways.

Do you think a step mother should drop the children off with their mother when their dad gets ill because they’re “no more my kids than the neighbour’s kids, not my problem?”
You definitely should not have married a man with children.

I get a break from my kids when they go to their dad's about once every two months. In those rare times I arranged to see my partner, he often books us a break away from home. Id be v v reluctant to cancel that, especially when ex would not do the same for me...if I've been ill or seriously overwhelmed or anything else there is no question of him stepping in, it's always up to "my side" eg grandparents to help me. I think that's true in many cases, the RP is the default but the nrp is not.

I hope there would be compromise.
Depending on availability and other commitments.
In either position I would be happy to share the responsibility whether is was an acute illness for a few days or long term.

I get it. My ex did about 5/6 hours a week. He was useless. But no other woman whose husband was ill in hospital would be expected to take on someone else's childcare. But yet people are telling OP she's being unreasonable. The expectations put on step-mothers are shocking.

Yeah but…you’d put your children first, surely? Rather than just tit for tat with the ex? You’d do what was best in those circumstances for your children? Right?

Why is acceptable for their own mother to not want them? Get a grip.

I would want my child with me if her father became too unwell to look after her.

I would expect my step children to be with their mother, if my husband became too unwell to look after them.