Pulling my hair is weird behaviour?

[thelastgoodbye]

This bank holiday I went on a weekend away for my friends birthday, I know most of the people going but not all.

We got the train down and we’re all sat on the tables of 4 next to each other. They started talking about how they were doing their hair that evening and one had extensions and she said how difficult it was to style as her hair was so heavy. I simply agreed with her that yes when I had mine I had the same issue.

One of the women I don’t know, looked at me and said actually you can see your extensions, leaned across from the other table and yanked on my hair. I just looked at her bewildered and said “that’s my real hair, I don’t have extensions in anymore”

Aibu to think this is just odd behaviour? It was like she was trying to embarrass me

it is not funny or silly behaviour, it was designed to embarrass you and get one up on you, OP.

Yeah, that is really odd, rude behaviour.

Unfortunately, when out with a group, especially when it's a group where not everyone knows each other, there can be some batting to try and quickly establish the social pecking order.
MOST of us are happy enough going with the flow, and seeing where the chips fall. Especially when it's a one-time thing, with people you're not likely to socialise again with for a long time.
But there are people out there who just HAVE to grab themselves the Queen Bee spot. Or at the very least, the spot of Chief Crony, when there's very obviously someone else at the head of the pack, such as a "birthday girl" or "bride to be".

These people will do ANYTHING to get to that position as quickly as possible. Usually they dress it up as a "yeah, I'm wild me!" Or "I'm the crazy one!" Or "I'm what you see is what you get. I say things LIKE IT IS!" And that can also include leaning over on a train to pull at a strangers non-existent hair extensions.

She's a twat, and anyone else watching with sufficient social awareness, will also think "what a twat."

Too much. 90% of the group got a ban from Premier Inn.

God - sometimes Mumsnet is fucking weird 🤣🤣 on what planet is pulling someone’s hair - someone you DONT KNOW ok. Yeah she might have thought she was being funny - but really she made herself look like a fucking tool. Also - what the hell is ‘aggy’ ☠️😩 - is that ‘aggressive’ because surely you can be saying the OP was aggressive?!

Yes. I had to walk around with uneven hair all weekend.

Do we not teach children not to pull hair? Which causes pain? A grown adult pulling hair? And then pulling the hair of someone essentially a stranger to her? An adult not understanding that that’s even more of a no-no?

And all because she wanted to ‘prove’ a point that was incorrect? And if OP had had extensions yanking on them would have spoilt OP’s hair? What would she have done with a wig-wearer, snatched the wig off and exposed someone’s alopecia, say?

Whichever way round, she shouldn’t have done it. And she should have apologised either way. I would have pushed away her hand very firmly with an ‘oh no you don’t’ and said ‘are you 2 or something?’

A double row weave at the back, bonds and tapes at the front. A clip in fringe. A cap with a sewn on wig.

This! Was she hoping to rip some of your hair out in the process?

Whey!! Fun OP has entered the chat 🥳

And yet people continue to comment. I’ve never resurrected this thread.

That’s the great thing about an open forum, people can post what they like. They aren’t posting to serve only your interests on what you consider “thread worthy”.

Sounds like she was jealous of your lovely hair and couldn't believe it wasn't extensions so tried to prove it...
Someone to avoid.

She deserved a punch up the bracket. But OP, PLEASE start another thread and tell us about the weekend! I'm too old for misbehaving, so I like hearing about others!

Can you imagine the response on here if it was a man who yanked OPs hair? No one would be condoning that and it shouldn't be any different because it was a woman.
I'd have told her fuck off. It's not playful banter, it's being weird and rude.

It didn't last long😂

She showed herself to be a twat. I'd have told her to get her eyes tested.
More importantly though how bad do things have to get to be banned from a Premier Inn?

Sounds like she was jealous of your real hair and saying it's not your hair anyway.

@thelastgoodbye

As a black woman this can happen sometimes occasionally or often
par of the course having random stranger or someone you know vaguely or know well 🤔

Touch code word for =Grope/ interfere with your hair

Who think that it's Ok to touch your hair,
it's weird othering someone as different fetishism like,

Yes admire my hair style or type of hair but at a difference
Just like you do with Caucasian white folks women,

You don't know if someone who touches your hair goes to the toilet and does not wash their dirty hands after visting the toilets,

Or

If random or someone you know who touches your hair,
also has scratched their backside arse or picked their nose too,

You don't know if they have just touched your hair they have sweaty clammy hands or just eaten greasy 🤔 foods particles,

Or
If they have just sneezed on their hands ✋️ 🤧 too..

Tbh I would be furious if it’s my own mother !
Who the f* does this?

Yes because the important thing when women are talking about people crossing boundaries and touching them without consent is that the women make sure they are talking about it in a fun way 🙄

Actually this has just reminded me of the time years ago when some twattish guy insisted that I was wearing contact lenses when I wasn't 🙄

Well clearly not.

Maybe in your social circle but reading the voting, the vast majority of people would hate it and wouldn't have a laugh about it.

Perhaps those people who think it's hilarious should stick to doing with people they know and could be sure would treat it as 'banter' or 'a laugh' and leave acquaintances and complete strangers alone.

I've had people pull and touch my hair. One very strange woman yanked on my ponytail when I was standing in the queue in Boots to get my attention. The only thing interesting about my hair is that it's very long (I can sit on it.) The colour and texture (dark brown with white, barely wavy and fine) are nothing to write home about. As I detest people I don't know touching me, (and once snapped at my ex-H for stroking my hair with greasy hands) I have a sort of feeling if people are getting too close to me and move away.

@thelastgoodbye I once had a woman pull my hair - A complete stranger, in the street- It was very invasive.
I expect this woman who pulled your hair was jealous of your lovely thick, long hair.

Wow that's interesting. I wish I'd known this when I was younger. I was and am very much go with the flow and just enjoying being part of the group.

Because of that I didn't cotton onto the Queen Bee character or Chief Crony. It's becoming more obvious now. It's really quite pathetic but because the majority don't want to make waves no-one usually calls them out on their behaviour and often fawn over them because they don't want to become the target. As generally they make someone the target by picking on them or blanking them.

I find it quite entertaining when they blank me these days as I go full on attention giving (not fawning or ingratiating) so they have to at least look me in the eye e.g. hi there Ann how are you, with a beaming smile. They hate it.

I adore curly hair, both the look and the touch of it - my son has very curly hair and it's great to touch it (he doesn't mind me touching it occasionally).

But I would NEVER touch a stranger's hair or even a friend's hair without being invited to do so. I hadn't thought of all your additional reasons, which make it sound even more gross but it's just invasive and intrusive and extremely rude.

It also puts you on the spot because you have to push back which can feel awkward and lead to confrontation.

Reading this thread though many people think their right to please themselves overrides anyone else's rights to personal space and autonomy.