Work event.. left me out of the planning

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

We have a work day out next month and they have asked us to bring in a baby picture and they are going to guess who’s who to get us all networking.

I’m the only black person out of 126 people going so wouldn’t take them very long to guess who’s who.

im trying to calm down before I address this as I’m currently infuriated.

how on earth do I proceed with this in the correct way..

I’m so sorry OP. It’s shit. My friend is the only black woman at her level, in her field and she says exactly the same. It must be exhausting. Sending you an unmumsnetty hug.

I'm with OP on this one.

There is a specific EDI issue here, and I absolutely agree with the OP. There's also general issue about the crassness of most 'team building' activities, too!

I also agree with the comment about people who for various good reasons have no baby pictures. There are none of me whatsoever.

I don't agree with the lazy 'white, male' comments, though. White, working class boys/men are one of the most disenfranchised groups in UK society.

Some of the posts on this thread are shocking in their ignorance. I don't blame the OP at all for being upset by this, I think she is entirely right. It is so disappointing - but so revealing - to read so many posts berating the OP for daring to be upset.

It is particularly disappointing when HR, of all people, endorse such a ridiculous idea. V outdated too - I am old enough to remember this kind of thing being done at work events in the 90s, I thought everyone knew better now.

@Notthattimeofthemonth I completely understand what you're getting at. Not exactly the same but similar. My ex was mixed race but still very dark. She was adopted by an all white family. Growing up, and even going into adult hood, at family events, she barely knew many of her extended adoptive family because they didn't introduce themselves to her because they already knew who she was.

It is NOT the same due to the historical context and the deeply ingrained racism that people of colour face daily. It’s just not comparable.

Which might be hard, for sure, but not the same due to the history and context. Racism is different kettle of fish due to the history of slavery and oppression. There are similarities due to the experience of some form of physical difference, but with racism there is the historical context and systemic racism added in. Not comparable.

In the way that a man experiencing sexual harassment can not claim that this is the same as the experiences of women. There is a power differential and a history of oppression that makes it very different. Both are difficult experiences but the history and context make the woman’s experience very different.

These sorts of things are ill-thought out and bit lazy. I would struggle with it as not-white and also because I have no baby photos. This activity is very much coming from a white middle class cultural norm. I'm from a culture that doesn't name babies before 15 months, never mind taking pictures of them. Raise it now as difficult for lots of people, not just you as the only black attendee. Adoptees, people who went NC with their birth family at a young age, or who lost their parents at a young age are all far less likely to have baby photos. As well as anyone (like you) looking obviously different (race, hair, disabled, birth marks etc. etc.) to the average at your company.

There are lots of reasons why this is a terrible idea, but being recognised by your baby photo because you're the only Black woman in your workplace is way more culturally and politically loaded than being recognised by your distinctive hair.

Hey OP

In case you do come back. Something v similar happened to me. I am the only disabled person on my team and my disability is very obvious and distinctive so there wouldn't have been much guessing. I also work in an organisation which prides itself on DEI while making very few practical adjustments for me and making me feel very difficult when I ask. It's a really shitty situation, it feels awful, and I'm sorry you're in it.

Explaining the circs in which it happened to me would be quite outing so I'll just say it wasn't a big team event, it was a smaller casual one. I did tell my manager - who I trusted - and decided to make a joke of it. She is from New Zealand and submitted a photo of herself with a sheep; I know not quite the same thing but in the context of a casual event which had been announced with short notice, it was an act of solidarity and everyone did go, 'Ooh a childhood spent with sheep, I wonder who that could be?!' and guessed her instantly.

In the end I submitted a photo of me being pulled on a sled by my brother. I thought it would be obvious that the sled was the mobility aid - in all the other photos everyone was standing up so I couldn't have been any of the others - but no, my colleagues weren't that sharp and not all of them guessed.

I know it's a different situation and race and disability aren't completely comparable but I do get the frustration of an organisation banging on about DEI where they've organised an event which is clearly focused on the majority and has given little thought to how it will work in practice for those from underrepresented backgrounds. It's galling.

I'd always say talk to someone in the organisation you trust first and if that's your manager do wait for them. What the solution is will depend on the wider context. I also get how much it gets in your head and makes you question the wider organisation. It's really easy to make snap decisions about your future when that's mixed up in your head so I'd also say wait until you're calmer before making any bigger decisions. x

That is awful. Of course. And Irish people were discriminated against but there are differences here. I’m not going to get into them but I think you know it’s different.

Just jumping in to this thread to say that I (as a white person - in case of any relevance at all) think this is an incredibly badly conceived “ice breaker“ with the obvious (yet very likely unintended) outcome of singling you out as different to the rest of the group, rather than helping you gel.

definitely raise it!

Well said 👏

This has just reminded me that years ago I went on diversity training which was called something else back then. A friend whose family of origin are from an Asian country was directly picked out by the facilitator and asked about something to do with Indian culture. She was born in London. She knew no one from an Indian background 🤦‍♀️

Which is a different situation and set up to OP's...

No, I'm the same!

Totally understandable that you have those feelings OP.
You are most definitely not in the wrong company if you've been placed there on merit. I would try to accept there will always be minorities in the work place whether it be skin colour, disability, neuro diversity etc etc. It's all about how we handle feeling different to the masses where we work & live & being proud of who we are in life & of course standing up for ourselves when
necessary. 💐

What does that mean?

Op has said on several occasions that she is not implying racism has occurred here. More likely thoughtlessness, and someone not fully comprehending how this was not going to work for OP. Can’t believe that you feel there is a racial element. You’re actually suggesting someone purposefully chose this activity as a racial slur towards OP?

I feel for the OP, this situation sucks. We had to do it once and I refused.

And who wants to look at photos of 125 white babies?!

I think you don't fully grasp racism.

You live in an area where white people are the minority and don't see racism? Maybe it's because white people are in the minority that racism isn't as prevalent?

Lol If I'm looking at 125 babies I'd wish for variety at least!

But the OP has said it wasn’t racism. She knows her colleagues, she’s the one in the situation, but you think you know better than her?

No, I just concluded from your reply that you don't fully understand racism. That's all. It's okay.

And I imagine there would be the same sentiment looking at 125 black babies….