Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work event.. left me out of the planning

453 replies

Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 10:21

We have a work day out next month and they have asked us to bring in a baby picture and they are going to guess who’s who to get us all networking.

I’m the only black person out of 126 people going so wouldn’t take them very long to guess who’s who.

im trying to calm down before I address this as I’m currently infuriated.

how on earth do I proceed with this in the correct way..

OP posts:
BustyLaRoux · 28/05/2024 20:30

OVienna · 28/05/2024 19:30

No, I get you OP, and I'm white. This needn't be moved to 'Black Mumsnetters' either - that's a ridiculous suggestion. It's good it's made people think.

I'd have a chat with whoever organised it and say - how should I approach this as it'll be obvious it's me.

If there's some discomfort, let the other person sit with that.

Show quote history

It’s definitely made me think again.

Razorwire · 28/05/2024 20:31

Iwasafool · 28/05/2024 20:25

Well no one is born with freckles so you'd just need a baby photo where you didn't have much hair or with a hat on. Not the same as being black.

Show quote history

You are black every day, why is that a problem?

Abitboring · 28/05/2024 20:33

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 28/05/2024 20:24

No I didn't feel as though you were addressing me personally. Did I need to, in order to be allowed to respond?

I don't like the 'white people do this' or 'white people think like that' or 'white people always say xyz.' It's very Diane Abbott isn't it? That sweeping generalisation as if white people are one homogenous mass with identical opinions. It's not acceptable to speak about black people that way and if a white person did, they'd be jumped on for it, quite rightly.

If you are going to make the point about some white people, then at least say some.

And I would never say 'skin colour doesn't matter to me.' Not because it does, but because I am wise to that particular CRT modern-day trip wire.

I would never say 'But I can't be racist because I have black friends.'

a) see above, the CRT trip wire.

b) because I don't have a single black friend.

Show quote history

You seem to take my post very personally. It seems your only valid point is that I didn't say 'some or most white people', the rest is a massive projection and speaks volumes about you.

Iwasafool · 28/05/2024 20:34

Cornflakes44 · 28/05/2024 12:40

I don't understand why you're upset about this. It's not like the there's a massive prize at stake for the one who doesn't get guessed. Whenever we've done this, it's very obvious who is who and that's part of the fun. You could tackle the issue head on and make a joke out of it if you think it will be awkward but I think bringing up EDI and implying they are racist for suggesting this game is an overreaction.

When we did it the success rate was about 50%.

G123456789 · 28/05/2024 20:34

Josette77 · 28/05/2024 19:31

This was really lovely to read. 💝 Thank you for being open to reflection. This response really impressed me.

Show quote history

The thing is I grew up in a very racist environment. Non white people were simply not allowed to live in my area..violent attacks etc. Therefore, having been surrounded by racists, hearing racist statements, I struggle to see racism. I have to think through what is being said. For example Diane Abbott comment about jews, gypsies and Irish people not experiencing racism I can see is racist...but one black baby out of 125 doesn't to me initially seem racist.
But excluding a group of highlighting a group purely on race, creed or colour is wrong and I need to look at that argument more closely

Iwasafool · 28/05/2024 20:35

Razorwire · 28/05/2024 20:31

You are black every day, why is that a problem?

Show quote history

Well I'm a red head with freckles every day which is a problem sometimes. Thanks for asking.

Bayleaftree63 · 28/05/2024 20:43

Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 10:29

This probably isn’t the best place for me to ask. My mistake

No, you’re just not getting the response you hoped. They’re not being unreasonable. It’s just a bit of fun. Someone with unique features will be found easily too, for e.g wild ginger curly hair.

TreadLightly3 · 28/05/2024 20:51

Definitely raise this @Notthattimeofthemonth - a thoughtless oversight but still needs to be challenged as it’s so wrong

SerendipityJane · 28/05/2024 20:53

All of a sudden I remember it's half term.

TheBestEverMouse · 28/05/2024 20:53

We had a similar idea mooted at work. One of the wider team members is trans and asked to opt out of taking part. At that point the person organising it immediately realised their mistake and the idea was dropped.

Of course this is an EDI no no. Anyone on this thread who thinks otherwise is oblivious to what EDI is and should be.

Loley22 · 28/05/2024 20:56

I'm astounded that they think this is a good idea. Not only does it put you in a crappy position of having to challenge racism OP but out of 126 people I would be very shocked if there wasn't a proportion of people who may be adopted/care experienced or who no longer identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. From a practical perspective alone it would take hours to match everyone up!

I once went to a 'team day' and we were made to line up in order of distance of place of birth to the town we were in. Then we were 'grouped' based on this. One group was 'the south' and the other was 'the north' and rest of the world. Very uncomfortable

GreenShady · 28/05/2024 20:59

Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 10:29

This probably isn’t the best place for me to ask. My mistake

No not at all. You're totally right, it's ridiculously thoughtless of them - wtf were they thinking!!

Reversetail · 28/05/2024 21:08

What a fucking stupid idea, yes raise it with them if you feel comfortable, beggars belief it is the HR department.

BustyLee · 28/05/2024 21:12

Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 10:29

This probably isn’t the best place for me to ask. My mistake

What did you think of someone's suggesting of displaying pictures of 5 black babies and they have to guess which one is you?

I'm not sure what I personally think about that actually. It depends on your personality because if you did that you would still stick out but in a different way. Some people don't mind that, but from your post it feels as though that might not be good for you, that you just want to be one of the team.

I hope that when you speak to the organisers that they don't get defensive or anything. It might be a good idea to just have the pictures up but without the guess who element because it's such a lovely thing to see pics of your colleagues as children.

take10yearsofmylife · 28/05/2024 21:15

Awful idea, I don't have any baby photos because I was unloved by my parents. Imagine having to go through a hundred plus baby photos, I I'd rather book a sick day.

Razorwire · 28/05/2024 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 28/05/2024 21:18

Honestly I don’t think this would bother me however I am not black, I am easily identified as I have a strawberry birthmark on my face,

Another colleague wears an eyepatch as he was born an eye condition, so he also could be easily identified.

Fecked · 28/05/2024 21:24

It’s stupid and thoughtless of them at best. Don’t let others minimise this for you. Ask your boss, what should I do about my picture and let them squirm as they realise what a stupid idea this was.

Beautiful3 · 28/05/2024 21:27

Foodusername · 28/05/2024 19:33

White skinned people have historically been the oppressors. Brown skinned people the oppressed. The viewing of black people as ‘less than’ is a result of this history, meaning that every day, people of colour get treated differently just in the basis of their skin tone and heritage.

As white skinned people we can never truly know what that’s like. There is no comparison. On matters of the experience of women we wouldn’t tolerate a man telling us about a similar situation and minimising our experience so let’s not do the same to people of colour eh?

Show quote history

We need to look at what's happening now, instead of what happened in the past. Jewish people are oppressed in London right now. I've seen it. It's honestly quite bad. I have never heard or seen any racist comments/actions towards brown/ black people. Where I live, white people are the minority.

UniversalAunt · 28/05/2024 21:27

As @Notthattimeofthemonth you are in HR (I think I read this), you have my sympathy when the All Hands thinking caps go on. Anything to get the buy-in & ‘engaged’. Always someone has an ‘idea’ that is thoughtless & gets peoples’s backs up. It’s a tradition.

For now, I suggest, along with the many others, that you decline the invitation to submit your photo. Either polite say no or just passively forget/ opt out.
Many others will too. Your private life is your own & no-one at work may stake a claim on it for a cheap gimmick. No-one is under an obligation to participate. The ‘guessing game’ is an added extra bit of thoughtlessness.

Addressing issues about inclusion takes more time & needs to be tactical.
Keep your powder dry for when it matters more than someone’s thoughtlessness.

Original poster
Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh god shut up I’ve had an awful day and I’d rather not read rubbish like this.

OP posts:
Foodusername · 28/05/2024 21:32

Razorwire · 28/05/2024 19:55

I’ve seen this before at work. Everyone can guess everyone immediately - it’s not really a challenge. It’s supposed to be fun. My office had one man. The one boy baby was him.

A man. Who belongs to an a group who, generally, have not been oppressed. I’m assuming he was white or you’d have said.

Him being the only male is not the same as being the only person in an oppressed and discriminated against group.

It’s just not the same.

Original poster
Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 21:33

Just want to say thanks everyone for being so kind and if anything I think some learning can be taken from this. I’m going to leave this thread now as I have over thought this situation too much and I need to rest my head and will debrief with my manager when she is back. If anything it’s made me think about whether this company is for me and whether I have just been blind to everything these past 2 years. Being black is so hard your constantly in two minds all the time on whether your over reacting or being pathetic for not standing up for yourself but not wanting to be labelled as the black angry woman it’s exhausting.

OP posts:
Foodusername · 28/05/2024 21:36

Notthattimeofthemonth · 28/05/2024 21:28

Oh god shut up I’ve had an awful day and I’d rather not read rubbish like this.

Show quote history

Sorry you are having to wade through grot like this OP. I have reported it.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable and anyone with any amount of awareness can see that.

Good luck with the conversation. I think it’s clear that the majority of us stand with you on this. It’s just a few that are struggling to engage critical thinking skills or being deliberately goady.