Work event.. left me out of the planning

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

We have a work day out next month and they have asked us to bring in a baby picture and they are going to guess who’s who to get us all networking.

I’m the only black person out of 126 people going so wouldn’t take them very long to guess who’s who.

im trying to calm down before I address this as I’m currently infuriated.

how on earth do I proceed with this in the correct way..

We are HR 🤣🤣

I don't think the lack of diversity is shocking as such. I think it depends where you are based. Some areas are simply more diverse than others.

I grew up in a very diverse part of the UK, but now live somewhere that is less diverse.

I am white and completely understand why this upsets you.

textbook example of unconscious racism. Just because it’s not malicious, doesn’t mean it’s ok

Jesus Christ, OP you need the Black Mumsnetters topic, people here don't get it.

I'm as white as the driven snow. This is nothing to do with skin colour and everything to do with ignorance, prejudice, and plain old stupidity. Which the OP has beautifully demonstrated stalks the land like a great stalky thing. It's why generally I am a misanthrope (but I love gatherings, ironic isn't it ?)

That's actually really poor of them.
You're going to have endless 'humorous' comments about 'which one are you' aren't you?
They just haven't thought this through.
If you feel uncomfortable let the organisers know now.

I’ve never met an ice breaker that has been anything other than poorly thought or down right ridiculous.

Not sure where you’d go from here if it is the HR department organising it 🙈

I think this might qualify as discrimination though possibly thoughtless and not deliberate. It’s impossible and pointless for you to take part in a baby identifying game because you are the only staff member who is black!

OH MY GOD!!!

Why don’t you submit a photo of someone completely inappropriate like Gwynneth Paltrow, Winston Churchill or Yoda and see what they say?

In real life I’d probably email them oh so very nicely pointing out that this probably won’t work for you, say you are likely to find it all very awkward, asking what it’s all meant to be for and asking them to have a think about whether this really embodies their ideas of inclusion when, surely, a table laid out with photos of many white people and one notable black person will surely illustrate in the clearest terms how poor their company is at diversity (whilst cursing the fucking idiots under my breath).

Incidentally this is an absolutely TERRIBLE idea on so many levels, what about people who are adopted, estranged from their parents, had a distressing childhood (divorce/ illness) or who may have lost parents or siblings since then? Also it completely serves to emphasise social/ class differences, some people probably have some absolutely darling photos of them as a mini me skiing in Val or on the beach at the family home in Carbis bay- mine would be in a static caravan or in a paddling pool in a council house (I had a wicked childhood but I wouldn’t necessarily want to have my face rubbed in it even now).

As a fellow black person, as I was reading the OP my thoughts went to 'oh god, how awkward would this be for an only non-white person' then I got to the end and felt almost relieved that that was the issue and it's not just me that would feel that way FYSWIM?

I get it OP. No surprises you have received these replies and sadly they are probably similar replies you will get if you bring this up at work.

At best they were thoughtless but, quite frankly, the thoughtless defence simply doesn't cut it. They need to do better, and be intentional about doing better. And they seriously need to up their game to address the shocking lack of ethnic diversity (and maybe other diversity) in their workplace.

I think it's shocking. The organisers obviously haven't 'seen' how this will play out. Who ever undertook the EDI training needs to review the effectiveness (or otherwise...). It's a prime example of unconscious bias in its self!

Quite what you do I'm not sure. I'd probably go in passive aggressive, and then burst into tears. Or print out the details, highlight the baby picture bit and stand in front of the organiser with the sheet near my face and wait for the penny to drop.

Can you take the organiser to one side and speak to them about how it's inappropriate (although it shouldn't need pointing out really). Maybe suggest that they swap the baby picture for something like a picture of star sign, food, holiday - anything really!

And for those posters intimating it's only an icebreaker/bit of fun - it's not - the game is hurtful, divisive, and triggering (potentially on many levels - eg adopted adults may have no baby pictures, baby pictures destroyed in a fire, abusive childhood experience etc etc) as well as making the OP feel 'othered'.

Plus it's a crap icebreaker - I can never guess which baby is which adult so don't ever bother joining in the 'hilarity'.

I agree

Black mumsnetters would be a better place to post (not that its not ok to post here, it is. Just on the other board people will understand the issue more)

Ok it is an ice breaker, but if op is made to feel uncomfortable, then it's not appropriate

I'm missing the point I know, but they're doing an ice breaker that involves baby pictures of 126 people? How tedious.

This is poorly thought through on every level.

I think you're massively over reacting and there must be far more at play if your first thought is this is racist.

My DH attended the same sort of things where they also had to bring in baby photos, he was the only man in a team of 12 people, so again was easy to identify. As people have said it's more about cooing over baby photos and probably bonding over hideous 80's clothing and hair styles (obviously depending on your ages).

I do have an issue with these sorts of things unless you know peoples family history. My closest friend has no contact with her parents and has no photos from until she was 16. She's very open about how hideous her parents were/are/but it's then awkward for others but it makes a point to the organisers to think things through a bit more.

I think it was one of those suggestions that hasn’t really been thought through properly. Can you just message the organisers and point out their mistake? I’m sure it wasn’t done intentionally, to make the op feel uncomfortable.

I’m not black but I get it. I have no words but it is incredibly crass and just shows they know nothing.

The game itself isn't problematic under normal circumstances as the idea isn't really to guess who is who but it gets people talking and cooing over pictures and potentially interacting with people they don't speak to often.

What it has highlighted here though is the unacceptable level of diversity in the team(?)/company. I would be emailing HR and letting them know this game has brought to the forefront the reality of diversity level and how it's both a) not representative and b) not acceptable.

Urgh I hate this. I have adopted DC, mine have baby pictures but could just as easily not have any. I think the suggestion to relate this to their supposed commitment to DEI is a good one - point out how they are 'othering' you with this thoughtless activity.

It’s not unconscious racism - stop using that word as it undermines true racism.

OP it’s thoughtlessness. I doubt they were even thinking about you when they made the plans as it’s a big team.

I’d email the organiser suggesting it’s not going to be very hard to pick you out. Hopefully they will realise it’s a bit of a fuck up and change it.

Tbh they don’t know if any one was adopted ect.. just a shit idea all round tbh

The amount of white privilege that is showing on this thread is astonishing.

YANBU OP, this needs raising.

clearly it's a bit of a stinker for you, but surely here (as with most things) you need to get on to the organiser and say: i guess you want everyone to get at least 2 right, themselves and me? and take it from there?

It is a very common icebreaker at lots of different type events and it does show a lack of real thought on behalf of the organiser. If the people you work with aren't generally racist, then a friendly "heads up" might be better?

When my office did this, the huge joke for everyone was that my pic would be the only one in black and white because i am the oldest by a long margin. I took it in the spirit it was intended, after an initial gasp.

Spot on comment.

YANBU OP. What a stupid thoughtless idea. You’ll get loads of people saying “ooh not difficult to tell which one is you hahaha” while they all make guesses and have a laugh or chat as they speculate about the other photos. And yes - what an awful idea for people who didn’t have a great childhood or have no photos or who just don’t really want to discuss their personal lives as part of a work forum.

tbh i think your DEI training needs to be looked at. What are the diversities in your company? if you are the only black person and you have experienced this kind of everyday racism (as in: it's the unthinking kind that comes about because people really don't think about things, like sexism) before, then you (as a member of HR) should have brought this up.

Or do you have a lot of disabled people and that has always been the focus of DEI training?