Work event.. left me out of the planning

[Notthattimeofthemonth]

We have a work day out next month and they have asked us to bring in a baby picture and they are going to guess who’s who to get us all networking.

I’m the only black person out of 126 people going so wouldn’t take them very long to guess who’s who.

im trying to calm down before I address this as I’m currently infuriated.

how on earth do I proceed with this in the correct way..

Absolutely you are right. Not at all thought through. They could have picked many other games and been more inclusive. I can imagine it feels a bit hurtful and not well thought out.

We used to do this at the school I worked at. The children loved to see the staff when they were young and guess who was who. We had 100 staff and some different races- a Chinese teaching assistant, a black American Maths teacher, an Indian English teacher as well as a Physics teacher who had worn an eye patch since childhood. It was voluntary to hand in a photo and the 4 easily identifiable always did and the children loved it- just as they loved seeing the older male Deputy Head in a huge striped knitted outfit with woolly frilled bonnet as a toddler and an elderly Chemistry teacher in a cowboy outfit and a, now very large, Food Studies teacher as a very rotund red-faced baby stuffing an icecream into her mouth. The colour, race, disability, size, age, outfit was never the point but the conversation about childhoods was. They used to notice backgrounds of photos and ask about them, ask who else was in them, where teachers grew up- it was a humanisation for them.

Thanks you. As a white middle aged male I was thinking what's the issue, yeh, she will be easily spotted...but you are right, basically it's just excluding her from the fun.
Sorry op. I'm part of the problem aren't i. I wouldn't have thought about that side of racism, you being excluded and being the only one at the same time

@HeadDeskHeadDesk how on earth did you pick on this statement? Do you feel like I might have addressed you?

No, I don't mean all white people but most. It's still not well understood how subtle it can be. It requires a lot of reflection as a white person to imagine it and you don't pick this up from the news.

It's like mysogony. Some men get it but most don't whilst claiming they see women as equal etc.

Was it a member of HR that came up with the game? Are they actually aware that you are the only black person out of 125 people? Have to spoken to them in case it was an innocent oversight that they just didn't think through?

I'm white and I've stated clearly that I regard this as racist and have supported the OP in her anger and hurt. I'm sitting here in cringing horror at the crassness of so many responses. I'm totally 😱

I am not white and have taken part in the same activity, again as the only person of colour. Obviously incredibly easy to identify my baby photo but I didn’t feel it was racist in any way. There were others who were also incredibly easy to identify, not just me. If it makes you feel uncomfortable could you just ask not to submit a picture? I’m sure not everyone will anyway

This is quite thoughtless. But, like you say, probably not malicious just a mistake indicative of their lack of consideration.

Maybe join in and take a baby picture but then deny it’s yours and must be someone else - get them thinking. Could be an even better ice breaker.

Ah yeah, good point.
I’ll go back to bed now 🫣

I'd object because it's based on skin colour and also based on the fact that I hate cringy ice breakers

Corrected that for you @Letsgotitans

I agree with your sentiment but I disagree with this being a fun activity 😂

It requires a lot of reflection as a white person to imagine it and you don't pick this up from the news.

It really doesn't require a lot of reflection at all. It's an absolutely basic, crass example of thoughtless racism.

You don't need to correct me 👍

Oh I think I do ...

I can understand why you are upset and your plan to speak to your manager seems spot on. I am really surprised that they chose this as an ice breaker and I suspect your manager will be relieved that you point it out.As for it being an HR team …..

All lives matter!!!!!!!!!!

/s

Is there a history of people with red hair being sold as slaves? Treated akin to animals? It’s the contextual history and what it has left behind it in terms of structural and systemic racism that makes it VERY different.

Nope, we can all have our own opinions. We don't all need to think the same. You can think what you want of the situation, I'm not going to 'correct' you and tell you you're wrong.

Definitely not okay, they need to change to a more inclusive ice breaker.

This got me thinking about a work colleague of mine who is also a friend who has previously convided in me about their difficult upbringing. They were taken into care and eventually adopted as a young child (not a baby) and they have no baby photos of themselves at all. The earliest photos are of them as a 3 year old, not everyone can join in with baby photos at work but may not be comfortable explaining why.

I think when you are working with children, this activity has more value as you are connecting with them in a way that puts you on a level. We were all children once. It’s different in an ice breaking work context.

I agree with you I am not sure if its intentional (I am coming from a mixed heritage background) but its certainly not thought through! My workplace did a competition over Christmas for photos of the best Christmas tree! It completely left 2 of our colleagues out - due to their faith/ beliefs. Which is totally unacceptable!!

People often say they do these things with the best intentions but in reality they have little understanding of proper inclusion values or how it feels to not be included or offered the same opportunities.

If I was the organiser I would welcome your input and insight! Is there an EDI specialist / colleague/ HR lead in your organisation that can support you in this?

Take care x

I agree best to raise it now if you feel comfortable messaging the organisers direct. As you say, they probably didn't even think about it so hopefully will be mortified and change it to something else.

If you're not comfortable doing that then hopefully your manager can have a word with them.

No, I get you OP, and I'm white. This needn't be moved to 'Black Mumsnetters' either - that's a ridiculous suggestion. It's good it's made people think.

I'd have a chat with whoever organised it and say - how should I approach this as it'll be obvious it's me.

If there's some discomfort, let the other person sit with that.

This was really lovely to read. 💝 Thank you for being open to reflection. This response really impressed me.

Hi OP, I am white, but can see how this is insensitive, if there was more than one black person I suppose it would not be as big an issue.

I don’t think anyone means any malice to you, just think it’s not well thought out, am very fair skinned with ginger/red hair, & if I had been asked to bring a baby photo in of me where I use to work, it would have been fairly obvious it was me, similarly if someone has a birthmark, or other distinguishing feature such as a scar. Just giving other examples of “differences” which could single one person out, and make them feel uncomfortable.

Sorry you are upset about this OP.