AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

[ThisWillBeInteresting01]

This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

My younger ones or have a shower once or twice a week generally. In the summer when they've been in the park, beach, covered in suncream etc they have more. My older ones (13 and 11) have one every other day quite happily.

Flibberty gibbert

There I’ve contributed to the discussion With a statement equally as relevant as yours

@ThisWillBeInteresting01

YABU because the OP did not say that she "bathed" her children once a week, she said she "washed" her children once a week. Combined with the other things she said, such as bed sheets changed every one or two months, other posters thought it was a problem. So did she, or she wouldn't have posted.

However mine have clean underwear, socks and tops on daily, bed clothes are washed every other week and their teeth are brushed twice a day and hair is brushed.

They definitely don't smell.

And as a former teacher, I rarely came across any smelly primary aged children.

If mine comes home with grass stained knees I clean them off with a flannel when she comes in. And perhaps I’ve just got a really prissy one but she definitely doesn’t come home from school with glue and paint in random places on her body.

You can drop the faux concern, she doesn’t smell.

It was normal when I was a child in the 60s.

I think it was more the OP was living in a dirty house, not on top of washing the kids clothes, not changing bed sheets etc and a general air of neglect about the post. Clean clothes on every day, regular teeth brushing and strip washing is fine on top of 1 or 2 baths a week.

Agree 100%

My younger two get baths/hair wash once a week, plus sponge bathes as needed. I won’t argue this is ideal but it’s still a long way from neglect.

People (imo) don't become smelly because because they didn't have at least one bath or shower per day or wore a pair of jeans or a tshirt twice.
A certain contingent of MN will tell you they absolutely can tell from one sniff whether you had a shower or bath this morning/last night/last week or if you have used a scented pantyliner or fabric conditioner but in reality I'm pretty sure no one talks about this stuff IRL so they actually wont have the foggiest idea what their fellow commuters, or colleagues, washing habits are!

Yes, the mother was showering st least omce daily but her kids got once a week, there was dirty bedding etc.

apologies! I reacted more sharply than I should have had (my little girl was so red and itchy after her daily bath as a baby - even with emollients) and is so much better now, but your point stands! I was irked by all the comments suggesting its neglect to wash her twice a week and shouldn’t have responded so abruptly!

I'm glad you said washing was the norm in between - a proper wash every day and baths on Sunday before the school week. Considering there are always so many posters who say they don't know how to sink wash on washing threads I doubt their kids are getting properly washed in between.

the other thread also included not wasing bedding for a coupe of months. that combined with weekly bathing could lead to not smelling clean

I think it’s honestly disgusting. My 3 have never gone a night without a bath since their umbilical cords came off - barring a hospital stay and a night in an and e.

children get muddy, they have crevices, they wipe their own arses (usually pretty ineffectually) and smaller babies are in nappies. It’s lovely to send them to bed every night clean, teeth brushed and in clean pjs every night. If skin is dry (which one of my children has), you can do a nice warm bath without products and the dirt is loosened and cleaned off.

I think it’s pretty shitty not to do this and I don’t give a crap if people think that’s frothing. The amount of people who think it’s fine not to do this is 🤢 but unsurprising. Bleurgh. I wouldn’t want to go without a shower every day, I don’t see why my children should have to.

plus it has a soporific effect and therefore a calming pre bed activity.

Shall we discuss what else was normal in the 60s and 70s and go back to that then?

Whatever people say on here / there will be a huge correlation between people who don’t bathe regularly and those who also don’t wash bedding/clothes regularly or brush teeth 2 x a day properly (eg not just giving a small child a toothbrush to chew but actively brushing).

a bath is minimal effort and it’s lazy not to do it.

People are different. Not showering everyday does not make someone lazy.

There may be reasons, there might not be reasons. But as long as people aren't actually smelly or dirty its no concern of anyone else.

Unless you have a baby that gets hyper in it. We cut it out of her bedtime routine because she barely slept anyway and it just made things worse.

Then she had a few years where she was terrified of water and it was like bathing a cat. Definitely not calming or nice for any of us.

Now she's a preteen, loves showers, hasn't had a bath in ages and she just jumps in when she needs it(about every other day, daily if it's PE/sporty clubs/on her period). It's still not a calming activity.

Well, to be honest, I bathed or showered my kids, once a day, in the 70’s, but I don’t know what the modern way is.🤷‍♀️

lol at baths being calming….. definitely not for all kids!

it’s sensory overload for my DC and takes a while to calm him after. Definitely not a relaxing bedtime activity for us.

DS7 doesn't have a bath every night. It's bad for their skin. (I had really bad eczema as a child.)
He tends to have a proper bath on a Sunday and then a quick shower after his swimming lessons.
Other than that, he gets a wash every morning, brushes teeth twice a day and wears fresh school uniform every day. He's not smelly. He hates brushing his hair, though, which is why he wears it rather short. Otherwise he looks like Sonic.
In the summer, he spends most of the day in the pool anyway...or he joins us in the hot tub when it's a bit colder.
Regarding the poo...he's discovered my "butt shower" (bit like a portable bidet), which he thinks is hilarious and uses frequently.
I don't think that's what neglect looks like.

I used to bathe my ds only a few times a week which was fine as a baby, but since he's struggled with balanitis I find less than every other day and it flares up.
You need to keep the skin in intimate areas (especially after a poo) fairly clean or irritation can occur.

The concern on the other thread was because the bathing once a week was part of an overall post where the OP seemed (and acknowledged) that her housekeeping was pretty lax. I can't imagine that children being washed once a week, combined with floors being cleaned once a month and bedding being changed possibly only once every two months plus other stuff I can't remember, could lead to anything other than children being rather grubby and smelling unpleasant.

When mine were smaller it was a wash every day and bath times were 3times aweek.
Clean clothes every day.
As they got older and older it became showers every day still is.
Because when i was growing up i had a bath once a week term times holidays maybe once afortnight 6 week holidays 1-2 baths the rest was a sink wash.
I didnt want that for my children.

As a kid it was once a week, on Saturday for church on Sunday. But if we got filthy or muddy of course it was more often.

But I grew up in a warm, dry climate and we were in and out of a pool or the sea during the hot months so we didn't really get 'sweaty' or grimy. My DC were bathed every evening, even though they grew up in the same climate & around water, too. Go figure.

But I wouldn't call not bathing every day 'neglectful' unless the DC were visibly filthy or 'stinky', or had had an 'accident'.